Star Wars: Revenge of the Myth
by LunaDea
Summary: Palpatine's plot to create an evil empire has been foiled, and all is right with the universe. That doesn't mean that Anakin & Co. can't still get into a lot of trouble... Chapter 46: The Skywalkers are homeless. What to do?
1. Duel of the Fates

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, this story contains spoilers, blah blah blah. Hardcore Star Wars fans, do not be offended; I just wanted to have a little fun. Enjoy!

* * *

Not so long ago in a movie theater near you… 

(Cue music- "Star Wars Main Theme")

_Things never seem to get any better, do they? In a strategy so obvious that only our bumbling friends on the Jedi Council couldn't see it coming, "Chancellor" Palpatine continues to grab more and more power for himself. One might think he wanted to become Emperor or something…_

_Desperate to save their own skins, the Jedi look to their "Chosen One," talented-but-cocky Anakin Skywalker (who has never been more gorgeous), to spy on Palpatine and rescue them from certain doom. We now join your regularly scheduled program, already in progress…_

Anakin took a deep breath as he entered Chancellor Palpatine's private box in the Coruscant Galaxy Cinema, where a Technicolor laser light show was currently being staged.

"What's goin' on?" he asked the Chancellor, taking a seat.

"Nothin' much," said Palpatine. "What's up with you?"

The pressure was too much for Anakin. "Fine, I'll tell you!" he conceded. "Padmé and I got secretly married, and now she's knocked up."

Palpatine nodded sagely. "Sweet."

There was a pause as they both turned their attention to the show.

"These lights sure are pretty," Anakin remarked.

"Yeah," the Chancellor agreed.

* * *

They continued their conversation later in Palpatine's private chambers. 

"Sometimes I have scary dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night," Anakin confessed. "How do I make it stop?"

"I am the Sith Lord!" Palpatine replied.

Realization slowly dawned on Anakin. "Wait a minute," he said, "_you're_ the Sith Lord!"

"Really, Anakin," Palpatine scoffed. "You're not the brightest lightsaber in the drawer, are you?"

"So you're _not_ the Sith Lord?" wondered Anakin, now utterly confused. Palpatine cackled evilly, which was proof enough for Anakin of Palpatine's Sith-ness. He drew his lightsaber.

"Are you going to kill me?" asked Palpatine.

Anakin thought for a moment. "Yes." In the blink of an eye, he brought down his lightsaber and sliced the Sith Lord neatly in two.

As he saw the neon blue lightsaber arcing towards him, Palpatine spoke his last words: "Oh, crap."

* * *

So, you may have noticed that the plot is slightly alternate universe-ish and the dialogue is not exactly Star Wars quality, both of which were intentional. I went to see Revenge of the Sith and noticed that all of the actors could have been replaced with cardboard stand-ups and produced basically the same result, which made me wonder what it would have been like if they had acted like actual people. And then, well, this story happened. Future chapters will be longer; this was really just a teaser. Please review! -Luna 


	2. The Jedi Council

"You killed the Chancellor?" Obi-Wan exclaimed after Anakin explained what had happened to the rest of the Jedi Council, which had called an emergency meeting at his request.

"Yeah, because he was evil," Anakin insisted.

"Are you sure?" asked Mace Windu, fulfilling his role as the suspicious and slightly paranoid Jedi Master.

Anakin showed them the security hologram of the events in question.

"Oh," said an embarrassed Mace.

Yoda took the silence that followed as an opportunity to weigh in with his own thoughts. "Settled, the matter is. Understand what I am saying, you do not. Nod thoughtfully when I am finished, you will."

The other Council members nodded thoughtfully as they considered the words of the wise and powerful Yoda, and the Council adjourned.

* * *

"Congratulations, Anakin!" Obi-Wan said once they had returned to their shared apartments in the Jedi Temple. "By single-handedlyeradicating the only real threat to the Jedi Order, you have once again proved my complete ineptitude as a Jedi Knight. How you ever became even a half-decent Jedi as my apprentice is quite a mystery." 

"So do I get to be a Master now?" Anakin wondered.

"No," Obi-Wan replied.

"But I killed a Sith Lord!" he protested.

"So?"

"That's got to count for something, doesn't it?"

"Not really, no."

"But I-"

"You're too young."

"Am not! When you were my age, you already had an apprentice," Anakin reminded him.

"What's your point?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Well, I think I deserve-"

"No."

"But what about-"

"No."

"If you'll just-"

Obi-Wan stuffed his fingers in his ears and began to hum. "La, la, lalala, I'm not listening!"

"Fine!" said Anakin with a sigh of frustration. "Sometimes you can be so…" he trailed off, continuing to pout in silence.

There was a moment's pause, and then Anakin decided to speak again. "Master," he began sweetly, "may I go study in the archives for a while?"

"Yes, of course you can go visit your pregnant wife," Obi-Wan consented with a wave of his hand.

"Yippee!" Anakin exclaimed, walking out the door. "Don't wait up, okay?"

* * *

"Anakin!" Mace Windu called as he spotted the young Jedi hurrying down the hall. 

Anakin stopped. "What do you want?" he asked impatiently.

"To tell you that what you did today was very impressive," Mace explained. "Many Jedi Masters could not take on a Sith Lord and live to tell the tale."

Anakin's eyes lit up hopefully. "Does this mean I can be a Master now?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because," said Mace, "despite the fact that you have shown yourself to be a reliable and gifted Jedi, for some inexplicable reason I still do not trust you."

"You're a freak."

"And you're an arrogant jerk."

"Well at least my lightsaber isn't purple!"

Mace opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. He turned and walked away, shaking his head in disgust.

* * *

"Knock, knock!" 

"Who's there?" Padmé asked, wondering why whoever it was didn't just ring the doorbell like any normal person.

"Boo."

Padmé's annoyance shifted to curiosity. She didn't think she knew anyone named Boo…

"Boo who?" She opened the door and was greeted by a grinning Anakin.

"Don't cry, it's only a joke!" he said with a laugh.

Padmé rolled her eyes. "How clever."

"Oh, come on. You had to think it was at least a little funny."

She shook her head.

"Not even the teeniest tiniest bit?"

Padmé cracked a smile in spite of herself, but quickly became serious again. "What has been happening?"

"Palpatine was the Sith Lord."

"What?" Padmé was shocked. "Wait, 'was'?"

"I had to kill him," Anakin explained modestly.

Suddenly, Padmé was overcome with lust. She threw herself into Anakin's arms and kissed him fiercely on the lips. "Take me now, you hunka hunka burnin' love!"

"Is this one of those mood swing things?" Anakin wondered. "Because I heard that can happen to pregnant-"

He fell silent as Padmé kissed him again.

* * *

Better than the first chapter? Worse? Let me know what you think! Ahuge thank-you to everyone who has already reviewed; you guys rock! Please keep sending your comments and suggestions. Thanks again! -Luna 


	3. A New Hope

"So now what?" Padmé wondered as she and Anakin lay in bed that night.

"Well, I should probably head back to the Temple in the morning," Anakin replied. "Obi-Wan might start getting suspicious."

"That is not what I meant," said Padmé. "Now that the Chancellor is dead, what happens to the Senate?"

"I dunno," said Anakin. "Won't they just elect a new one?"

"Yes, but who? It would have to be someone trustworthy," Padmé reasoned, "someone who would not put their political ambitions above the good of the Republic.

"Someone who isn't bright enough to manipulate their way into becoming Emperor," added Anakin.

"That would not hurt either," Padmé agreed. They lapsed into silence for a moment.

"Padmé?"

"What is the matter, Ani?"

"Have you ever considered using contractions?"

* * *

Obi-Wan paced back and forth in the hallway outside the Jedi Council chamber. He looked up and saw Anakin hurrying towards him. 

"Sorry I'm late, Master," Anakin apologized with a bow.

"We'll discuss this later," Obi-Wan chastised. "Now come on."

Anakin took a deep breath and entered the Council room, followed by Obi-Wan.

"Late, you are," said Yoda as the pair sat down.

"It was Anakin's fault," Obi-Wan said quickly. Anakin shot him a nasty look.

"Why am I not surprised?" Mace Windu said under his breath. Nevertheless, he ventured to offer a word of advice to the young Jedi. "Do try to be prompt in the future," he cautioned. "Tardiness is the path to the Dark Side."

"I thought it was fear," replied Anakin in confusion. "You know, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, blah blah blah."

"Yeah, that too," Mace added quickly. He fell to brooding silently; it was the second time in two days he had been corrected by that pompous little son-of-a-

"So what did we miss?" wondered Obi-Wan

"The Galactic Senate is in chaos," explained Ki-Adi-Mundi. "Several potential Chancellor candidates have been proposed, but suspicion is so great that none have earned an actual nomination. Some Senators even suggest doing away with the position of Chancellor altogether."

Anakin imagined a Senate session with no one to maintain order and mediate between the various factions. The thought made him shudder.

"That won't do at all," said Obi-Wan, voicing Anakin's sentiments.

"And we still have the separatists to deal with," Mace reminded everyone. "The new Chancellor should be open to the assistance of the Jedi in solving this problem.

"I have a suggestion," Anakin chimed in.

This was a pleasant surprise for Obi-Wan. Perhaps Anakin really had spent the night doing research in the Jedi Archives…

"Who?" he prompted.

Anakin beamed with pride at his cleverness. "JarJar Binks."

The rest of the Jedi Council stared at him blankly for a moment.

"That is undoubtedly the worst idea you have ever had," said Obi-Wan. "Including that time you slaughtered all those innocent Tusken Raiders."

From the expressions on their faces, it was apparent that this was news to the other Council members.

"When was this?" wondered Mace.

"Oh, a while ago," Obi-Wan explained. "Right after his mom died, so it is understandable."

"Really?" Mace replied. "I don't recall mass murder being one of the stages in the grief cycle."

"It was supposed to be a secret," said Anakin, looking at Obi-Wan accusingly. "Besides, I'm in recovery now. It's a twelve-step program. You know, like Alcoholics Anonymous? Except that I'm not an alcoholic," he added quickly.

"So it's like Sadistic Psychopaths Anonymous? Yeah, that's so much better," Mace said sarcastically.

"Oh, go throw yourself out a window," Anakin shot back.

"Enough, that is," Yoda intervened. "Stop quarreling like schoolchildren, you will."

"Sorry, Master Yoda," came the mumbled apologies from Anakin and Mace.

"Apology accepted," said Yoda gruffly. "To the matter at hand, let us return."

"You cannot seriously believe that JarJar Binks would be a suitable candidate for Supreme Chancellor," Ki-Adi-Mundi addressed Anakin. "That imbecile doesn't have the mental capacity to think beyond his next meal."

"Which is exactly what the Republic needs," Anakin insisted. "If he's really so dumb, he won't be secretly plotting to overthrow the government, will he?"

Mace shook his head. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Does anyone have a better idea?" challenged Anakin. The room remained silent.

"Like this, I do not," Yoda confessed, "but our only hope, JarJar may be."

Obi-Wan sighed, remembering his first encounter with the notoriously annoying Gungan. "I had to go and save his life," he muttered to himself.

* * *

Anakin made an excuse to Obi-Wan about needing to brush up on his meditation skills, then rushed home to see Padmé. He serenaded her with a rendition of "You Are My Sunshine," then filled her in on the idea he had proposed to the Jedi Council. 

Padmé's reaction was eerily similar to that of Obi-Wan. "Are you feeling alright?" she wondered, putting her hand to his forehead.

"Yes," Anakin replied. "Well, I do have a little bit of a headache," he admitted.

"It must be affecting your cognitive abilities," Padmé diagnosed.

"My what?" said a baffled Anakin.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Padmé continued with a rare display of emotion. "_Anyone_ would make a better Supreme Chancellor than JarJar Binks!"

"I can think of someone worse," Anakin countered.

"Really," Padme said skeptically. "Who?"

"His name starts with a 'P' and rhymes with 'Alpatine.'"

"Point taken," Padmé granted. "But still."

"Why don't you run, then?" asked Anakin.

Padmé shook her head. "A year ago I might have considered it. Now, with everything that has happened, and the baby coming soon…"

"JarJar Binks it is. By the way, I was wondering whether…"

She sighed. "You want me to ask him, don't you?"

"Please?" Anakin begged, batting his eyes.

"Alright," Padmé agreed.

"Yippee!" exclaimed Anakin. "You're the best wife ever!"

Padmé pulled him close and planted a tender kiss on his lips. "You're just lucky you're so hot."

Anakin grinned. "Don't I know it."

* * *

Another chapter! What do you think? Thank you to everyone who reviewed for your encouragement and support; it's what motivates me to continue. With that in mind, please review! I would love to hear what you have to say. Thanks! -Luna 


	4. JarJar Strikes Back

Later that day, Anakin went back to the Temple to practice a newly acquired Jedi skill. He sat quietly in his room, while Obi-Wan was flying about Coruscant on a speeder.

_Can you hear me now?_ Anakin sensed the thought from Obi-Wan.

_Yes,_ he thought in reply.

_Good. Can you hear me now?_ Obi-Wan repeated a moment later.

_Yes._

_Good. Can you hear me now?_

_What?_

_CAN YOU HEAR ME-_

_Ow!_ Anakin cried mentally, his head aching with the force of Obi-Wan's thought. _I was only joking,_ he explained.

_Very funny,_ Obi-Wan replied sarcastically. _If you spent as much time practicing your saber techniques as you do your wit, you'd-_

_Master?_ interrupted Anakin.

_What?_

_You've told that joke before._

_I have?_

_Yep._

Obi-Wan paused. _Was it funny?_

_Not really_, Anakin told him.

_Oh,_ Obi-Wan thought in disappointment. _Well, anyway, I think you've got the hang of this telepathy thing._

_Yeah,_ agreed Anakin.

_I'm coming in now,_ Obi-Wan informed him. _I'll be there shortly._

_Alright. Um...over and out?_

_That's not necessary, Anakin._

_I copy,_ Anakin replied mischievously.

_Knock it off!_

_Only if I can be a Jedi Master,_ said Anakin. He heard Obi-Wan sigh mentally.

_We'll see..._

* * *

Anakin and Obi-Wan dined in the cafeteria that night with the rest of the Jedi who were currently staying at the Jedi Temple. 

"Hey!" Anakin exclaimed when a youngling cut in front of him in line. "The rest of us are hungry too, you know."

The young Jedi stared at him in stunned silence for a moment, then burst into tears.

"It's alright," Obi-Wan consoled him, "You can stay where you are."

"Master!" protested Anakin.

"He's only a child," Obi-Wan reminded him.

"But the younglings always eat all the Jell-O!" Anakin complained. "Sometimes I feel like I could just kill those bratty kids."

"Tsk, tsk, Anakin," scolded Obi-Wan. "Anger leads to hate-"

"Whatever," said Anakin. "All I know is that someone's got to teach those kids some respect, or else they'll end up like...like..." He faltered.

"Like you?" Obi-Wan suggested.

"Exactly," Anakin agreed. He was silent for a moment as the words sank in. "Wait..."

* * *

Anakin opened the door to Padmé's apartment, expecting to be greeted by his beautiful and loving wife. Instead, he only caught a glimpse of a pair of floppy ears before being smothered in an enthusiastic hug and hearing the sound of an all-too familiar voice. 

"Mesa so smilin' to be seein' yousa, Ani!" said JarJar Binks in his distinctive Gungan dialect.

Anakin freed himself from JarJar's grasp and struggled to compose himself. "Wow! Well...um...er...hi," he finally managed to say. He glanced over at the couch, where Padmé was sitting with a strained smile on her face. While JarJar's back was turned, she made a motion with her hands as if to strangle him.

"When did you arrive, JarJar?" Anakin asked.

"Justa twosa seconds before yousa," answered JarJar. "If'n yousas will excusa me, mesa has to usa the restroom. It's a longo trip from Naboo!"

As JarJar left the room, Padmé's cheerful façade collapsed. "Has he always been that annoying?" she wondered.

"I think so," replied Anakin.

"It's unbearable!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry, Anakin, there's no way I can ask him to run for Chancellor."

"So you haven't yet?"

"No," Padmé confirmed. "Why?"

"Close your eyes," Anakin told her as JarJar reentered the room. "This might not be pretty."

"Hey Ani," said JarJar, "whatsa-"

But he never finished the sentence. With lightning speed, Anakin ignited his lightsaber and cut off JarJar's head. Afterwards, Anakin and Padmé stared in silence at the decapitated carcass for a long moment.

"Um," a shocked Padmé said at last, "are you allowed to do that?"

"Well, not technically," Anakin admitted, "but who's gonna miss him?"

* * *

Augh! Finally! Sorry it took so long; what with the end of school and finals and SATs and everything... Thank you to everyone who reviewed so far; have I mentioned how much you guys rock? I have another- short- chapter ready to go, so pretty pretty please review! Thanks! -Luna 


	5. The Anniversary Edition: Episode I

The next morning, Anakin returned to the Jedi Temple before Padmé even woke up. He wasn't looking forward to explaining his actions to Obi-Wan, but, summoning all his Jedi training, he gritted his teeth and confessed everything.

"JarJar is dead?" Obi-Wan repeated excitedly when Anakin told him the news. "Finally! I mean, uh..." He cleared his throat. "That was a very bad idea, Anakin. How many times have I told you not to go around killing people on whims?"

"Um, never?" said Anakin.

"Oh. Well, you still should have known better," Obi-Wan scolded in his most authorative manner. "And don't let it happen again."

"Yes, Master," Anakin replied with a bow. "Are you going to tell the Council?"

"Duh."

"Aww," Anakin whined. "I'll never get to be a Jedi Master now!"

"Probably not," Obi-Wan agreed.

"Couldn't we just keep it a secret?" suggested Anakin.

"Hmm..." Obi-Wan pondered the idea, and Anakin held his breath hopefully. "Nope."

Anakin exhaled in disappointment. "Why not?"

"Well, for one thing, lying is wrong. And also I am secretly jealous of all of your mad Jedi skills and will do my best to hinder your career in any way possible. And for another thing, lying is wrong."

"You said that twice," Anakin pointed out.

"Did I?"

"Yeah."

"Huh."

There was a pause. "That just makes it doubly wrong," Obi-Wan insisted.

"What?"

"Never mind. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?"asked Obi-Wan. He took Anakin's sullen silence as a no. "You're dismissed, then. Oh, wait!" he called as Anakin was about to walk out the apartment door.

"Now what?" Anakin groaned.

"I almost forgot," Obi-Wan explained, producing a small, plainly-wrapped gift.

Anakin was utterly confused. "I am utterly confused," he said.

"Happy anniversary!" Obi-Wan congratulated him. "I know it's supposed to be a secret marriage and all, but-"

Anakin's eyes widened in panic. "Anniversary? Oh, no!" He took off running down the hall, leaving Obi-Wan still holding the present.

Obi-Wan let out a disheartened sigh. "You're welcome."

* * *

Anakin burst into Padmé's apartment with a handful of flowers he had hastily picked from the Jedi Temple gardens. Padmé rushed into the room to see what was the matter. 

"Anakin," she said in surprise. "What is the matter?"

"Happy anniversary!" he announced, presenting her with the flowers.

Padmé blinked. "You remembered!" she said in awe.

"Of course I did," Anakin replied. "How could I forget the happiest day of my life?"

Suddenly, Padmé's face contorted in pain.

"What?" Anakin wondered. "Okay, so that line was a little cheesy," he admitted, "but it wasn't _that_ bad."

Padmé gasped for breath. "I think I am going into labor!" she told him.

Anakin paled. "What do I do?" he asked, barely concealing his panic.

Padmé thought in despair of her lack of preparation for this moment. Where would she go? What would she do? After all, it wasn't as if she and Anakin could just waltz into Coruscant General Hospital and ask for directions to the maternity ward.No one was even supposed to know that they were married!She looked into the eyes of her well-meaning but completely incapable husband and a single thought flashed across her mind: "I am going to die."

* * *

La la, la la la... Oh, sorry; I just got back from seeing Star Wars Episode III again and am on a major Hayden Christensen high right now. Don't mind me... I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, but school is out for the summer now so I should be able to post the next one as soon as I write it, assuming lets me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has sent in reviews: there are no words to describe your awesomeness. You are truly an inspirational and motivational force! So everybody, please review! Thanks! -Luna 


	6. The Anniversary Edition: Episode II

Padmé's thought was so strong that Anakin picked up on it; although he hadn't known he could do that and had to admit that reading minds was a pretty cool trick, he immediately moved to assuage his wife's fears.

"You're not going to die," Anakin insisted, "cross my heart, hope to- er, never mind." He helped Padmé move to the couch and sit down while he tried to figure out what to do next.

"We need help, Anakin," Padmé told him, taking control of the situation despite her pain.

"I know that!" Anakin replied indignantly. "Geez, Padmé, do you think I'm completely incapable?"

Padmé bit her tongue, resisting the temptation to respond.

"Who could help us, though?" she wondered in despair. "No one is even supposed to know about us!"

Anakin's eyes lit up as he got an idea. "I've got an idea," he told Padmé. "Hang on a sec." He sat down on the couch opposite her, closing his eyes and assuming a meditative position.

_Obi-Wan?_ he thought. _Can you hear me?_

_What is it, Anakin?_ came the slightly annoyed reply. Maybe he shouldn't have taught Anakin to communicate telepathically if it meant that he was now going to be pestering him at all hours of the day and night...

_Can you come over to Padmé's apartment? _asked Anakin.

_Can it wait?_ Obi-Wan replied. _I'm kind of in the middle of something. _

_Padmé is in labor,_ Anakin told him. He could almost hear Obi-Wan's mentality shifting from self-important Jedi Knight to protective older brother.

_I'll be right there, _said Obi-Wan.

_Hurry!_ Anakin urged him.

Meanwhile, Padmé was staring at him in concern, wondering if her husband had finally gone off the deep end.

Anakin opened his eyes. "Obi-Wan is coming over," he informed Padmé.

She looked at him dubiously. "Okay..."

Anakin saw her confusion and addressed it. "You're wondering how I know?"

Padmé nodded; Anakin smiled smugly. "It's a secret," he said.

Padmé gasped in pain as a contraction seized her. "Well, he had better get here quick!" she exclaimed.

"'Quick' is my middle name," said Obi-Wan, walking through the door as if on cue.

Anakin's brow furrowed in confusion. "I thought your middle name was Eugene," he said.

"Yes," a red-faced Obi-Wan admitted in embarrassment,"but we don't talk about that."

Padmé wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Eugene?" she repeated. "What kind of a name is that?"

"Your middle name is Naberrie," Anakin pointed out. "You have no room to talk."

Padmé couldn't think of a decent comeback, so she stuck her tongue out at him.

Anakin was shocked. "Padmé!" he exclaimed. "You're supposed to be the mature one!"

She responded by blowing a raspberry, and he returned the favor.The raspberry-blowing continued to escalate until Obi-Wan broke in.

"Wait a minute," he said, "isn't someone supposed to be about to have a baby or something?"

"Oh yeah," Anakin said unenthusiastically. "That."

Obi-Wan ignored him. "We have to get you to a hospital," he told Padmé.

"I know," she said. "But when people see what they think is a young, unmarried Senator walking into the emergency room in labor..."

Obi-Wan dismissed her concern. "That's what Jedi mind tricks are for," he replied.

Anakin looked at him sharply. "Isn't that against the Jedi Code?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "You know what they say about rules."

"No," said Anakin. "What?"

Obi-Wan remembered his apprentice's habitual disregard for rules and decided that Anakin didn't need another excuse to get into trouble. "Never mind," he said.

Padmé let out a cry as her contractions worsened. Obi-Wan saw the panic in Anakin's eyes and took a moment to comfort him.

"Don't worry, Anakin. Everything is going to be fine," he assured him.

"What about me?" wondered Padmé. "I'm the pregnant one!"

"You too, of course," Obi-Wan added, giving her a quick pat on the head.

"Are we leaving or what?" she asked.

"Yes," replied Obi-Wan. "My speeder is parked right outside."

"I'll drive!" offered Anakin as he and Obi-Wan helped Padmé up.

Obi-Wan recalled the disastrous events of Anakin's last joyride on Coruscant. "No," he said firmly. "I'm driving."

Anakin whined all the way to the hospital.

* * *

Wow, talk about short and sweet... To everyone who has reviewed, your continued support and encouragement is truly overwhelming. I can't even begin to thank you enough! I am finding that shorter chapters with more frequent updates is the easiest system for me, but tell me if you don't like it and I'll work on it. As always, please submit a review, whether you liked the story or hated it. Thanks! -Luna 


	7. Luke and Leia

Anakin paced back and forth as he and Obi-Wan watched Padmé's delivery through the window.

"Relax," said Obi-Wan in an attempt to calm him down. "It's going to be okay."

Anakin scoffed. "Would you be relaxed if it was your wife?"

"I don't know," Obi-Wan confessed. "I don't have a wife, seeing as how it's against the Jedi Code and all."

Anakin shrugged off the implied insult. "You're just jealous," he replied.

"Look, it's a boy!" Obi-Wan said as the medical droid cradled Padmé's newborn baby in its mechanical arms. "Congratulations, Anakin."

Anakin barely even heard Obi-Wan; he was too busy staring adoringly at his baby boy with the beaming smile of a proud new father. "Huh? Oh, thanks," hesaid absentmindedly.

Meanwhile, Padmé appeared to still be having some difficulties. The medical droid passed the infant to an assistant and returned to her side.

"What's wrong?" Anakin worried that all of his worst fears were about to be realized as Padmé's cries filled the air.

"Look, it's a girl!" said Obi-Wan. Sure enough, Padmé had relaxed and the medical droid now held another crying infant in its arms.

Anakin was caught completely off guard. "What?" he exclaimed.

"Apparently you've got twins," Obi-Wan said in amusement.

The medical droid came out of the delivery room and confirmed the news. "Congratulations, Mr. Skywalker. Both of you children appear to be perfectly normal and healthy."

"What about Padmé?" wondered Anakin.

The medical droid shook its head sadly. "I'm afraid she didn't make it."

"No!" Anakin cried in despair. Before he could reach for his lightsaber and turn the medical droid into scrap metal, the droid let out a laugh.

"Just kidding!" it said. "She's fine, too. You can meet her in the recovery room in a few minutes." The droid returned to its duties.

Anakin glared after it. "That wasn't funny," he said.

"Sure it was!" Obi-Wan countered. Then, seeing the evil eye that Anakin was giving him, he quickly retracted the statement. "No, you're right. It was a horrible thing to say."

"I'm glad we agree," Anakin replied stiffly. They stood in silence, watching as droids cleaned up the delivery room. Slowly, the enormity of the event dawned on Anakin.

"Holy crap," he said in shock. "I'm a dad!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "May the Force be with us all."

* * *

"Padmé!" Anakin exclaimed, rushing into her hospital room and greeting her with a hug. "How are you?" 

Padmé smiled tiredly. "I'm fine, Ani," she replied.

"Congratulations," said Obi-Wan as he followed Anakin into the room.

"Thank you," said Padmé. "And thanks for all of your help; we couldn't have done it without you. I mean," she hurriedly explained,"we could have done, you know, _it_, but…well…um…thanks," she finished awkwardly.

"You're welcome," said Obi-Wan with a good-natured smile.

"Here they are!" announced a medical droid, wheeling the twins' bassinettes into the room and then exiting. Anakin and Padmé each picked up a baby and rocked them gently.

"Have you decided on names yet?" asked Obi-Wan.

"No," Padmé confessed. "I had some ideas, but that was before I knew we were having twins, so…" She shrugged.

"How about Baby #1 and Baby #2?" suggested Anakin.

Padmé blinked. "I don't think so."

Anakin tried again. "Lucy and Linus?"

"Already taken," Padmé informed him.

"Sonny and Cher?"

"No."

"Lois and Clark?"

"No."

"Mickey and Minnie?"

"No."

"Tweedledum and Tweedledee?"

"Are you kidding?"

Anakin sighed. "That's all I've got," he admitted.

"We'll think of something," Padmé assured him.

"How about Dumb and Dumber?" Obi-Wan supplied.

Anakin and Padmé stared at him blankly.

"I was only joking," he explained.

"Well, you suck at it," Anakin told him. He gazed down at the baby he was holding, who was now fast asleep. He placed a finger inside the infant's hand and watched as the tiny fist curled around it. "We could name them Shmi and Qui-Gon," Anakin ventured.

Padmé hesitated. "It's a nice thought," she agreed, "but there's no way I'm saddling my kid with a name like Shmi. Or Qui-Gon, for that matter."

"Hold on," Anakin objected. "How come you're the only one who has a say in this?"

"Alright, we'll decide democratically," Padmé conceded. "You get one vote for every month that you carried the babies inside your womb."

"Fine," Anakin said resignedly. "Call them whatever you want."

"Alright," said Padmé, pleased at her victory. "Their names are Luke and Leia."

Obi-Wan thought that those were pretty much the dumbest names he had ever heard, but he knew enough to keep it to himself. "Well, I guess I'll leave you alone now," he said to Anakin and Padmé. "Let me know if you need anything."

Obi-Wan walked out of the room, leaving the happy couple to celebrate their new family.

* * *

So the saga continues...Thank you toeveryone for your reviews; your awesomeness never ceases to amaze me. You guys rock! Keep 'em coming! -Luna 


	8. The Phantom Mace

Anakin and Padmé had just returned home with their children and were busy settling in when Anakin sensed Obi-Wan trying to contact him.

_Anakin?_ The thought carried a sense of urgency that made Anakin's stomach knot up.

_What?_

_You need to come to the Temple immediately,_ Obi-Wan informed him.

_Now?_

_That's what "immediately" means._

_But what about Padmé and the babies?_ protested Anakin.

_Bring them, too._

_What for?_

_The Jedi Council wants to speak to you._

_About what?_

_Gosh darn it, Anakin, don't ask so many questions!_ thought Obi-Wan in frustration

_Alright,_ said Anakin. _We'll be there._

Anakin told Padmé what Obi-Wan had said.

"What does it mean?" she wondered.

"I don't know," confessed Anakin, "but I've got a bad feeling about this."

* * *

A short while later, Anakin and Padmé stood outside the Jedi Council chamber, gently rocking the twins as they waited to be summoned. 

"So, I'm guessing they found out about us," Anakin surmised.

"Gee, ya think?" Padmé replied sarcastically.

Anakin sighed. "I suppose I'll be expelled from the Jedi Order."

Padmé shrugged. "Oh well. The Jedi are kind of losers anyway."

Anakin looked at her sharply. "Or maybe they'll just exile you and the babies to Tatooine and pretend that none of this ever happened," he suggested facetiously.

"Anakin!" Padmé scolded. "_You_ came onto _me_, remember?"

Anakin raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Oh, really? Then what was all of that 'I truly, deeply love you' crap?"

Padmé blushed in embarrassment.Before she could reply,the doorof theCouncil chamber opened and Obi-Wan appeared.

"You can come in now," he said solemnly.

"Ready?" Anakin asked Padmé, putting his arm around her shoulders protectively. She nodded and took a deep breath.

When they entered the room, however, it appeared to be completely deserted.

"What's going on?" wondered Anakin.

"Surprise!" yelled the Jedi Council members as they jumped out from behind their chairs, throwing confetti in the air.

"It's a baby shower!" Obi-Wan announced. "I know you're supposed to have it before the birth, but well…" He shrugged apologetically.

"It's lovely," Padmé replied graciously. "Thank you."

Anakin was confused. "Don't you guys care that we got married and broke the Jedi Code?"

The Council members scoffed. "They're more like guidelines, anyway," said Ki-Adi-Mundi.

"If in love with a girl like Padmé, I was, break the Code too, I would," Yoda confessed.

Only Mace remained stubbornly aloof, sitting in his chair and pouting. Anakin couldn't have cared less; to him, the party itself was a symbol of acceptance by the Jedi Council. It would only be a matter of time before they made him a Master…

"Who wants cake?" asked Obi-Wan. The Council members rushed to the table and crowded around it to get their cake and punch, while Anakin and Padmé watched in amusement.

"See?" Anakin said to Padmé, kissing her forehead gently, "I told you everything would work out."

"No, you didn't," she corrected him. "You said they were going to exile me to Tatooine."

"I never said that," Anakin replied, waving his hand Jedi-mind-trick style.

"Yes, you did," said Padmé, waving her own hand in mockery.

Anakin tried again. "No, I didn't."

Padmé was still unaffected by his attempts at mental manipulation. "Yes, you did."

Anakin stared at his hand as if it was defective. "I'll have to work on that."

"May I hold one of your babies?" wondered Mace, much to Anakin and Padmé's surprise.

"Sure," Anakin replied cheerfully, handing Mace his sleeping child. "This is Luke. Right?" he confirmed with Padmé. "I can never tell them apart."

"Luke has the blue bonnet," Padmé confirmed. "Leia's is pink."

Mace barely registered the conversation; he was too busy playing "This Little Piggy" with Luke's toes as the infant giggled happily. Suddenly, Luke slipped from Mace's grasp and fell headfirst on the floor. The baby's wails filled the air, and Anakin quickly snatched up his son.

"Shh," he whispered, rocking Luke gently in an attempt to calm him. He looked up at Mace with a glare. "You're a monster," he said darkly.

Padmé was equally horrified. "I think it's time for us to go," she said to Anakin, leading him out of the room before he could inflict any bodily harm on Mace. "Thank you for the lovely party," she said to the Council at large as she exited.

Once they were gone, the Council members turned accusatory stares towards Mace.

"What?" he said, raising his hands in innocence. "It was an accident!"

Obi-Wan remained oblivious, continuing to fill the role of a good host. "Does anyone want some more cake?"

* * *

Yet another chapter finished! Thank you, as always, for all of your wonderful reviews. Your continued feedback is appreciated, so please keep reviewing! Thanks! -Luna 


	9. An Old Friend

"He's got a lot of nerve, you know?" said Anakin as he stormed into the apartment.

"You don't have to tell me," Padmé agreed, slamming the door behind her. The twins were sobbing miserably; all attempts to console them had been to no avail. "I can understand if he has something against _you_," Padmé continued her rant, "but to take it out on a baby is just…" She was at a loss for words.

"I know," Anakin sympathized, "and the worst part is, I can't do anything about it! Mace Windu is a Jedi Master, and me- I'm…nothing," he said helplessly.

"You know, the whole self-pity thing really doesn't work for you," Padmé informed him. "Besides, you're the Chosen One, remember?"

"According to who? Qui-Gon Jinn? I think he just made that up to make me feel good," Anakin confessed. "And we all know that he was a crazy old coot."

"Was not!" a mysterious voice boomed out of nowhere.

"Who said that?" demanded Anakin, scanning the room.

"I did," the voice spoke again. The air in front of Anakin shimmered, and a ghostlike figure slowly became visible.

Anakin couldn't believe his eyes. "Qui-Gon?" he said incredulously. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"I am dead," Qui-Gon explained. "Kind of."

"Well, that explains everything," said Anakin sarcastically. He was not alone in his confusion.

"What is going on?" wondered Padmé, staring in puzzlement at the vision before her.

"Yes, it's really me," Qui-Gon assured them, "I have become one with the Force."

"You should have become one with a straightjacket," Anakin muttered under his breath. Qui-Gon didn't hear him, or at least pretended not to.

"Anakin," he said slowly, "I am your father."

Anakin blinked. "Huh," he said reflectively. "I always knew that 'You have no father' line was crap."

Padmé's curiosity was piqued, however. "Wait, what? But when…? How…? I thought-"

Qui-Gon held up a hand to silence her. "Go to Dagobah- I mean, Tatooine," he advised them as he faded away. "There you will find the answers you seek."

And with that, he was gone.

* * *

"I thought you were kidding about being exiled to Tatooine," said Padmé as she finished packing her second suitcase full of clothes for the trip. 

"So did I," Anakin confessed, feeding a bottle of milk to baby Leia while Luke dozed peacefully in the nearby cradle.

"Any idea what you're looking for?" Padmé wondered.

"Not a clue."

"How reassuring."

"You don't have to come, if you don't want to."

Padmé walked over and gave him a tender kiss on the lips. "I would miss you too much," she confided.

Anakin returned the kiss. "I would miss you, too."

"Ugh, would you guys cut it out?" said Obi-Wan in disgust as he walked through the door. "You're making me sick."

Padmé grinned. "Thanks for watching the apartment while we're gone," she said to him.

"My pleasure," Obi-Wan replied, flopping down on a sofa. "This is a zillion times nicer than my place at the Temple."

"Don't forget to pick up the mail and water the plants," Padmé instructed.

"No problem," said Obi-Wan.

"And keep your feet off the furniture!" Anakin warned just as Obi-Wan was about to prop his feet on the coffee table.

"Aww, man," Obi-Wan pouted, grudgingly complying with Anakin's request. "You really are no fun at all."

Anakin scoffed. "Dude, you have no room to talk."

Obi-Wanignored the insult."I would like to know one thing," he changed the subject. "Why did Qui-Gon appear to you andnot me?"

Anakin shrugged. "Maybe he just liked me better."

"Anakin!" Padmé scolded. "I'm sure it was nothing personal," she assured Obi-Wan. "He'll come to you when the time is right."

"When the time is right?" mocked Anakin. "What are you, Miss Fortune Cookie?"

"Oh, shut up," said Padmé, playfully elbowing him in the ribs.

"Ow!" Anakin exclaimed.

"Pansy," snickered Obi-Wan.

Anakin ignored him. "All set?" he asked Padmé, hefting her two bulky suitcases.

"Yep," she replied as she placed the twins in their stroller. "Good-bye, Obi-Wan!" she called as she headed out the door.

"Yeah, see ya!" Anakin added, following closely behind.

"Have fun!" replied Obi-Wan, waving from his comfortable perch on the couch as the door swung closed.

Padmé smiled wryly at the comment. They were going to a planet that was completely covered by a desert- how much fun could they possibly have?

* * *

Voila! Yet another chapter... I guess I will keep this story going as long as people keep liking it, or until I get bored or lazy. Thank you to everyone who reviewed; a special thanks to reader Axiomatic, whose review inspiredthe "I am your father" gag. Anyway, if you read it, please review it! Your comments are always very much appreciated. Thanks! -Luna 


	10. Tatooine

Anakin propped his feet up on the spaceship dashboard as Padmé pressed the launch button and the chrome-plated craft lifted into the air.

"You know what I always wondered?" wondered Anakin. "Why does this ship have all these other buttons if there's only one that you ever need?"

Padmé shrugged. "Looks, I guess. Where are the twins?" she asked.

"Sleeping," Anakin informed her. "This fatherhood thing is a piece of cake."

* * *

Later on, with the twins still asleep, Anakin and Padmé amused themselves with a game of holographic chess. Anakin frowned at the board in concentration. 

"Knight to E-5," he said at last. One of his holographic monsters crossed the board and attacked one of Padmé's, knocking it out of commission. "I sank your battleship!" he cried gleefully.

Padmé stared at him. "Do you even know how to play this game?" she wondered.

"No," Anakin confessed. "Am I winning?"

"Yes," Padmé admitted grudgingly.

"Yippee!" shouted Anakin.

The sound of crying babies pierced the air, interrupting the moment of relaxation.

"I'll go," Padmé sighed.

"I'm helping," offered Anakin, jumping out of his chair.

They walked back to the twins' cradles, where the infants were still sobbing furiously. Padmé immediately picked up Leia and began rocking her in a soothing rhythm. Anakin, on the other hand, simply bent over Luke's crib, studying him intently.

"These aren't the droids you're looking for," Anakin said with a wave of his hand. "I mean, stop crying," he corrected himself. Padmé looked over to see what was going on.

"Oh, for the love of- Just pick him up, Anakin!" she instructed.

"Hey, it was worth a shot," he said defensively, taking Luke into his arms.

"I think they're hungry," Padmé observed, handing Anakin a bottle and taking one for herself.

The twins drank eagerly as Anakin and Padmé carried them back to the cockpit. A monitor on the dashboard beeped to signify that their destination was near, so Padmé pushed the button and brought the ship out of hyperspace. Tatooine loomed large in the windshield, a dusty brown sphere suspended in space.

"There it is," said Anakin unnecessarily. "Home sweet home."

* * *

They landed in the Mos Espa spaceport, paid the exorbitant docking fee, and hailed a droid-pulled rickshaw. 

"Watto's Junkyard," Anakin instructed once he and Padmé had climbed in.

Padmé looked at him in confusion. "I thought we were going to Owen and Beru's," she said.

"Eventually," Anakin replied. "I've got some unfinished business to take care of first.

Padmé's forehead creased in worry, but she said nothing. The rickshaw pulled to a stop in front of asmall, dilapidated building and Anakin stepped out.

"Wait here," he instructed Padmé.

She would have none of it. "Heck no!" she refused. "I'm coming with you."

"Please stay here," Anakin said, looking at her pleadingly.

Padmé sighed. "Fine. But don't think-"

Anakin interrupted her sentence by giving her a quick peck on the cheek. "I love you!" he said sweetly. "Be right back," he added, walking through the open doorway into the dark interior.

"Hello?" he called.

"We're closed!" came the disgruntled reply from somewhere in the shadows.

Anakin was puzzled. "In the middle of the day?"

"Out of business!" the voice explained impatiently. "Everyone knows that. What planet are you from?"

"This one, actually," said Anakin as Watto flew to meet him.

The crusty old junkyard owner had a raspier voice and more tattered wings, but he was otherwise unchanged. "Ani Skywalker?" he said in disbelief.

"In the flesh," Anakin replied. "Well, mostly," he added, regretfully displaying his mechanical arm.

"Will I never be rid of you?" cried Watto in exasperation.

"That depends on how cooperative you are," said Anakin, getting right to the point. "I'd like to talk to you about my mother."

"Didn't you hear?" Watto responded brusquely. "She's dead. Get over it."

Anakin glared. "Actually, I prefer using it to fuel my unhealthy anger and thirst for revenge," he replied, killing the hapless Toydarian with a swift lightsaber stab to the heart. "Thanks anyway," said Anakin as the carcass dropped to the ground. He disengaged his lightsaber and swiftly exited the shop.

* * *

Another chapter! Thanks to everyone who submitted reviews; you guys rock! As always, please review with any questions/comments/ critiques/whatever. Merci! -Luna 


	11. A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villany: I

"Well?" Padmé prompted as Anakin climbed back into the rickshaw.

"Watto's dead," he replied.

"That's awful!" Padmé exclaimed. She hesitated. "Did you…?"

"Yeah, I killed him," Anakin admitted. "He was getting on my nerves."

"This cannot be healthy," said Padmé.

"Don't worry about it," Anakin assured her. "From the sound of things, I did him a favor."

Padmé was fed up with Anakin's cynicism and moodiness. "Is there anyone else you'd like to murder while you're at it?" she asked sarcastically. "Perhaps you should bring Luke and Leia with you; they might as well get used to the idea of their father being a homicidal maniac."

"Bantha or landspeeder?' wondered Anakin.

"What?" exclaimed Padmé, completely confused.

"For the trip to Owen and Beru's," Anakin explained. "The rickshaws are only for traveling in town. So do you want to rent a bantha or a landspeeder?"

"Landspeeder," Padmé replied. "As long as we're not going to get attacked by Tusken Raiders or anything."

"We'll be fine," Anakin said confidently. "I have a reputation, remember?"

* * *

The sun sank towards the horizon as Anakin drove the landspeeder across the dusty desert terrain towards the Lars' homestead. He pulled to a stop next to the modest hut, and Beru came out to greet them. 

"What can I do for you?" she asked as Anakin hopped out of the vehicle.

"I'm Anakin Skywalker," he introduced himself, walking over to shake her hand. "You might not remember me, but-"

"Oh, I remember you," Beru replied seductively, batting her eyelashes.

"Anakin!" yelled Padmé. She was still seated in the landspeeder, unable to get out due to the fact that she was holding a child in each arm. "A little help?"

Anakin rushed over and took the babies, allowing Padmé to disembark.

"I'm Padmé," she introduced herself to Beru, shaking her hand firmly. "Anakin's wife."

"Oh, so you guys are married now? Congratulations!" said Beru with a stiff smile. "And parents too, I see," she added, nodding towards the sleeping infants in Anakin's arms.

"Yes, these are our children," Padmé confirmed. "Luke and Leia."

Beru thought that the names were ridiculous, but politely refrained from laughing out loud. "May I hold one of them?" she wondered.

"Take Luke," offered Anakin, holding his son out to her. "He's already been dropped on his head once, so it won't really matter if it happens again."

Beru accepted the tiny infant and began rocking him gently.

"Beru?" called Owen, emerging from the house. "What's going on?"

"See for yourself," Beru replied. "The prodigal brother has returned at last."

"Oh," Owen said unenthusiastically, surveying Anakin and his family. "It's you."

"Nice to see you, too," said Anakin sarcastically, eliciting a sharp elbow to the ribs from Padmé.

"Be polite," she hissed.

"I was!" Anakin protested.

Beru was oblivious to the exchange; she was too busy basking in the glow of her brother-in-law's hotness. If only Anakin and Owen could have switched places…

"We were just about to sit down to dinner," said Beru, snapping out of her trance. "Would you like to stay?"

"Why not?" Anakin replied. "After all, we did travel halfway across the galaxy to get here."

Beru giggled flirtatiously as they all retreated into the house.

* * *

There was a briefmoment of chaoswhen the twins began wailing inconsolably just as the group sat down to eat, but eventually they quieted down and the others were able to enjoy the home-cooked meal Beru had prepared. 

"Could you pass the blue milk, please?" wondered Anakin, having already gulped down his first glass. "Thanks," he said as Beru eagerly complied. "You know, this is the one thing I missed about this planet," he admitted. "It's milk! And it's blue! How cool is that?"

The others stared at him blankly.

"Anyway," Anakin continued, changing the subject. "How's the moisture farming business going?" he asked Owen.

"Pretty well," Owen replied. "Although we've been having a bit of a dry spell lately," he confessed.

Anakin and Padmé laughed politely at the pun; Beru simply rolled her eyes. Why did he have to tell that same stupid joke every single time someone asked that question?

"So what brings you to Tatooine?" Owen asked Anakin. "You're not here to steal my wife, are you?"

Beru laughed a little too heartily, causing the others to stare. After a moment she regained her composure, staring down at her plate in embarrassment.

"That would be ridiculous," said Padmé, addressing Owen's comment. "Seeing as how he already has one," she added pointedly.

"Well, why are you here?" Owen pressed.

"I was hoping you could tell me about my mother," confessed Anakin.

"Your mother?" Owen repeated in confusion. "You would know more than me."

Anakin took a deep breath, unsure of how to continue.

"It's getting late," Padmé interjected. "Perhaps it would be better to have this discussion tomorrow," she suggested.

"It has been a long day," Anakin agreed.

"Owen can show you to your room," said Beru as she began clearing the dishes. "Unless you want to stay and help clean up?" she asked Anakin hopefully.

"I'll do it," Padmé offered quickly.

"Oh," said Beru in disappointment as she watched Anakin follow Owen out of the room. "Thanks."

* * *

It was some time later when Padmé finally finished kitchen duty and was able to join her family in the guest room. The twins were already sound asleep, and Anakin had dozed off as well. 

"Are you awake?" Padmé whispered as she climbed into bed beside him.

"Now I am," came the drowsy reply.

"Sorry it took so long," Padmé apologized. "These people seriously need to invest in a dishwasher."

"You poor thing," said Anakin sympathetically. "I'll do it tomorrow, okay?"

"Oh, no you won't!" Padmé replied adamantly. "I don't want you spending any more time with that hussy than is absolutely necessary."

"What are you talking about?" Anakin asked in confusion.

"You saw the way she looked at you," said Padmé. "She might as well have been screaming 'Take me now!'"

"I would never cheat on you," Anakin assured her.

Padmé relaxed. "Really?"

"Are you kidding?" said Anakin."After all the crap I had to go through to get you in the first place? Besides, you're like a zillion times hotter than her," he added.

Padmé looked him in the eye. "Anakin?"

"What?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

* * *

Voila! That chapter took a little longer (sorry), but now I should be back on schedule for daily updates. To everyone who has reviewed, you have my undying gratitude and appreciation. Keep it up! Thanks! -Luna 


	12. A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villany: II

Anakin and Padmé awoke early the next morning as the light from the two suns shone in through their window. The twins woke up moments later, crying in hunger, so Anakin and Padmé took them out to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Good morning!" Beru greeted them cheerfully, already slaving away over a hot stove. "I'm making scrambled eggs," she informed them.

"Sounds delicious," said Anakin.

"The twins are hungry," Padmé said unnecessarily, as the babies were still crying enthusiastically. "Do you have any milk that's not blue?" she wondered.

Beru looked at her sharply. "Why?" she demanded. "Are you too good for blue milk?"

"It was just a question," Padmé replied defensively. "I wasn't sure if it would be alright for the twins."

"What's wrong with blue milk?" said Anakin. "I drank it for my whole childhood, and I turned out fine."

"Do you see my point?" Padmé said to Beru, gesturing helplessly at Anakin.

"I'll try to find something else," Beru replied as she began rummaging through the refrigerator.

Meanwhile, Anakin and Padmé tried desperately to hush the sobbing twins.

"What's all this racket?" said Owen as he entered the kitchen.

"Doesn't it just make you want to have kids?" Beru asked.

Owen let out a short laugh. "Not in this lifetime," he said.

"Voila!" exclaimed Beru, emerging from the fridge with a carton in hand. "White milk. I only got it a couple of days ago; I must have known it would come in handy."

"Thank you," said Padmé gratefully as she took the milk.

Once the twins were pacified, everyone else was able to sit down to a peaceful breakfast.

"I think I'll head into Mos Espa this morning," Owen said to no one in particular. "I need a couple of replacement parts for the condensers. You can come if you want, Anakin."

Anakin nodded in agreement. "Sure," he replied.

"I'll stay here to watch the twins," said Padmé.

"I'll help," Beru offered.

"Just don't get any ideas," warned Owen, polishing off his scrambled eggs and standing up. "Well, I guess we'd better get going."

"Can I drive?" asked Anakin.

Owen shrugged. "Why not?"

* * *

They got to Mos Espa in record time. 

"That was fun!" exclaimed Anakin in exhilaration, bringing the landspeeder to a stop.

"Yeah," Owen agreed as he tried to catch his breath. "I think I'll drive home, though."

"Aww," Anakin whined.

Owen looked at him in disgust. "What do women see in you, anyway?" he wondered.

"It's all about the looks," replied Anakin, running his hand through his hair suavely.

Owen shook his head. "Whatever, man."

He and Anakin got out of the landspeeder and began weaving their way through the noisy, crowded streets of Mos Espa. After picking up the condenser replacement parts, they decided to stop at the cantina for a drink.

"Hey!" yelled the bartender as Owen and Anakin walked in. "We don't serve your kind."

"What?" asked Anakin, frowning in confusion.

"No pretty boys," the bartender explained.

"You really don't want to mess with him," warned Owen, recalling his stepbrother's violent tendencies.

"Oh yeah?" said the bartender, throwing down his dishrag and walking over to confront them.

"Yeah," Anakin replied as he ignited his lightsaber.

Upon seeing the weapon, the bartender immediately dropped his tough-guy act. "My apologies, Master Jedi," he said quickly, retreating behind the bar.

Owen heaved a sigh of relief as Anakin shut off his lightsaber and put it away. Getting arrested for accessory to murder was the last thing he needed right now…

They grabbed their drinks and sat down at an out-of-the-way booth.

"So," said Owen, taking a large gulp, "what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

* * *

Augh! It's really short; sorry about that. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has submitted reviews- we broke 100! Woo-hoo! Reviews are still very much appreciated, so please send them in! Thanks! -Luna 


	13. Owen's Story

"My mom," said Anakin.

"I thought we already had this discussion," Owen replied. "How could I possibly tell you anything that you don't already know?"

Anakin explained his visit from Qui-Gon's spirit while Owen listened skeptically.

"Huh," said Owen once Anakin had finished. "You are one messed-up weirdo."

Anakin reached for his lightsaber.

Owen hurriedly retracted the statement. "Just kidding!"

"Oh." Anakin relaxed. "Sorry, I guess I do tend to be a little high strung."

"A little," admitted Owen. "But that's okay," he added quickly so as not to incur Anakin's wrath.

"My mother always told me thatIdidn't have afather," said Anakin, getting back to the point.

Owen laughed. "And you believed her? What a moron!"

Anakin exercised some self-control for once and ignored the insult, reminding himself that anger leads to hate…

"So obviously she told you something different," said Anakin.

Owen nodded. "I used to get so jealous of you-"

"Understandable," Anakin agreed.

Owen ignored him and continued. "It was always Ani this and Ani that. Ani, Ani, Ani! It was like you were the frickin' Chosen One or something."

"Well, I am the Chosen One," said Anakin.

"Whatever." Owen proceeded to tell him the whole story.

* * *

_Several years earlier…_

It was a hot and sunny morning just like any other. The Lars family was sitting down for a quick breakfast before a long day's work.

"The condenser on the south side of the house broke down again," Cliegg said to his son. "I'd like you to take a look at it this morning."

Shmi sighed. "If only Ani were here…"

"Here we go again," muttered Owen.

"What was that?" wondered Shmi.

"Um…can I have some more bacon?"

"Sure," Shmi replied. "Help yourself."

After breakfast, Owen complied with his father's request and went to look at the broken condenser. He quickly identified the problem, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to fix it. He worked all day in the sweltering heat, not even stopping for lunch. At last the suns began to set, and Shmi came out to tell him to come in for the night.

"Are you still working on that thing?" said Shmi when she saw what Owen was doing. "Anakin could have fixed it in his sleep. With one hand tied behind his back!"

Owen lost it. "Well, that's great," he said. "Do you know what else Anakin could have done? He could have stayed here to support you instead of running off with a couple of Jedi to pursue his delusions of grandeur!" He threw down the tool he had been using and ran inside to his room, slamming the door. Cliegg came in moments later to see what was wrong.

"What's wrong?" he asked Owen.

"Nothing," Owen replied, pouting angrily.

"Owen," said Cliegg solemnly, "how long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?"

"I'm sick of it," Owen confessed. "I'm sick of stupid Shmi and stupid frickin' perfect Anakin, the savior of the frickin' galaxy."

"He's not perfect," Cliegg assured him. "Any more than you or me."

Owen scoffed. "Yeah, right."

"It's true," Cliegg insisted. "Did you know that Anakin's father was a Jedi?"

Owen was intrigued. "Wait a minute, Shmi always says-"

"That's bull," said Cliegg. "Before we got married, she told me the true story of Anakin's conception."

"What happened?" prompted Owen.

"Basically, a one night stand with some Jedi named Qui-Gon Jinn," Cliegg explained.

"That's it?" asked Owen.

"Yeah. It's not really much of a story," said Cliegg apologetically.

"How is that supposed to make me feel better?" Owen wondered.

"Well, you wouldn't exactly think that the illegitimate child of a rogue Jedi and a slave girl would be the savior of the frickin' galaxy, would you?"

Owen thought about it. "I guess not," he agreed. "Good night, Dad."

"Good night, son."

* * *

"So that's the truth," said Anakin when Owen had finished. 

"Apparently," Owen replied.

Anakin nodded thoughtfully. "Good to know."

They sat in silence, finishing off their drinks.

"Well, we should probably head back now," Owen said a moment later.

"Yeah," said Anakin.

They paid for their drinks and left the cantina.

* * *

Ta-da! Sooner than you expected, I bet. Hopefully the quickness makes up for the shortness... Thank you to everyone who has reviewed; you guys are awesome! Please, please, please keep sending in your reviews! Thanks! -Luna 

P.S.- SuperBlonde: I fixed it. ; ) Actually, I realized my mistake after I posted the chapter, but I really didn't think anyone else would... Thanks for keeping me honest!


	14. Adieu, Beru

Owen pulled the landspeeder to a stop right next to the hut.

"You are the worst driver ever," said Anakin, climbing out.

"What, because I didn't nearly get us killed?" Owen replied. "I think I'll take that as a compliment."

The went in side and found their wives and children in the kitchen. Beru and Padmé were trying to cook while at the same time keeping an eye on Luke and Leia, who were playing happily on the floor.

"You're just in time for lunch," said Beru when she spotted Anakin and Owen.

Suddenly and inexplicably, the twins began crying. Padmé and Beru turned away from the stove and picked them up.

"It's alright, Leia," Padmé said soothingly.

Beru hushed Luke in a similar manner; she clearly adored the tiny baby boy. "Can I keep him?" she wondered.

"Why not?" Padmé replied. "It's not like we really need two kids, anyway."

The others stared.

"What?" said Padmé. "It was a joke!"

"Owen, darling, would you mind stirring that pot?" Beru directed. "I don't want it to boil over."

Owen grudgingly complied, mumbling something about "women's work."

Anakin and Padmé left the room, and Anakin told her what he had learned from Owen.

Padmé was incredulous. "You mean we came all the way out to this giant dust ball of a planet for that?"

"I know," Anakin sympathized. "Sorry."

"'Go to Tatooine. There you will find the answers you seek.' What kind of crap is that?" said Padmé, recalling Qui-Gon's advice. "Qui-Gon has a lot of explaining to do."

"So what now?" asked Anakin.

"What do you mean, 'what now'? I'd like to get off this rock as soon as possible," said Padmé. "My wardrobe can only take so much, you know."

Anakin was in no mood to argue. "Fine," he said. "We'll leave right after lunch."

Padmé was pleased; it was sooner than she had expected. "I love you," she told Anakin sweetly.

"I love you, too," Anakin replied. He moved to kiss her, but Padmé stopped him. "What?"

"Not in front of the baby," Padmé said, still holding their daughter.

Anakin didn't care. "Close your eyes," he instructed Leia as he moved in to kiss Padmé again. This time there were no objections.

* * *

"Thank you for your hospitality," said Padmé as they finished lunch. 

"Leaving so soon?" Beru said in disappointment. "At least stay another night," she pleaded.

"We've been gone too long already," Anakin refused politely. "I don't think leaving Obi-Wan alone at our apartment was such a good idea."

The matter was closed. Anakin and Padmé helped clean up, then carried their belongings out to their rented landspeeder.

"Drive carefully," Owen advised, seeing them off.

"Always," Anakin replied with a grin. Padmé decided not to ask any questions.

Beru took one last longing look at Anakin and sighed. If only... She was afraid to say anything because she thought she might cry, so instead she simply waved.

Anakin and Padmé waved in return as drove off towards the horizon.

* * *

They enjoyed a rare moment of relaxation on the return trip to Coruscant, reclining lazily in the cockpit of what Anakin had taken to calling the "Silver Bullet." 

"That was a nice trip," said Anakin.

Padmé scoffed. "Whatever. I just can't wait to get back to civilization."

"I hope Obi-Wan hasn't gotten in too much trouble," Anakin worried.

"I'm sure he's been a perfect gentleman," replied Padmé.

"Wanna play some holographic chess?"

Padmé seized the opportunity to show Anakin who was boss; she had been secretly practicing ever since their last match.

"You're on."

* * *

When Anakin and Padmé returned home, they saw that their worst fears had been realized. The apartment was in shambles: curtains were torn down, furniture was overturned, and food and drink were spilled everywhere. Obi-Wan, however, was innocently sitting in the same spot he had been when they left. 

"Hi, guys," he said cheerfully when they walked in. "That was a quick trip."

"Apparently not quick enough," said Padmé, surveying her ruined apartment in dismay.

"So, Obi-Wan," Anakin began casually. "What have you been up to?"

* * *

Short and sweet... If longer chapters are preferable, I will probably not be able to update as often. I am a really slow writer, and also I do other things with my time, so it is likely that there won't be a new chapter every day. Thank you for the reviews and suggestions; I always love hearing from you! Please keep sending them in! Thanks! -Luna 


	15. May the Force be with You

"Well, it's actually a funny story," explained Obi-Wan, laughing nervously.

Padmé crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "I bet."

Obi-Wan sobered and cleared his throat before continuing. "You see, I invited a couple of guys from the Temple over to see your place, it got a little out of hand, and well..." He gestured helplessly at the mess.

Padmé massaged her temples to alleviate the massive headache she felt coming on. "Alright, I'm going to go hang up my clothes- they get wrinkled if they're left folded for too long, you know- and then we'll figure out what to do." She picked up her suitcases and took them too the bedroom, leaving Anakin alone with Obi-Wan.

"I am so going to kill you," said Anakin.

Obi-Wan backed away cautiously. "Now Anakin, let's not be hasty-"

The confrontation was preempted by a yell from the bedroom.

"Why is Yoda sleeping on my bed?" asked Padmé.

Obi-Wan shrugged nonchalantly. "That must be where he passed out," he surmised, entering the bedroom to see for himself. Anakin followed.

Sure enough, the little green Jedi Master was sprawled unconscious in the middle of the bed. He stirred a moment later, groaning, and covering his eyes to block the light that was streaming in through the window.

"Master Yoda?" said Anakin in disbelief.

Yoda sat up unsteadily, clutching his head. "So loud, do not speak!" he wailed.

"Sorry," whispered Anakin. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, I am," Yoda assured him. "Know how to throw a party, Obi-Wan does," he added approvingly. Obi-Wan blushed at the compliment.

"Yeah, well, the party's over," Padmé said harshly. "Now both of you, get out!" she commanded, pointing towards the door.

Obi-Wan and Yoda trudged out, hanging their heads in shame. The twins started bawling immediately, and Padmé lost it.

"I can't take it anymore!" she wailed, banging her head against the wall. Anakin rushed to stop her, and she sank into his arms.

"Hold me," she pleaded, "like you did by the lake on Naboo when there was nothing but our love- no crying babies, no ruined apartments, no hungover Jedi asleep in our bed..."

Anakin hugged Padmé tightly and led her over to the couch to sit down, then went to check on the twins. In all the excitement, they had been left in their stroller; it turned out that they were just starved for attention. Anakin carried them back to the couch, rocking them gently as he and Padmé discussed what to do next.

"Having the apartment fixed up will take a while," said Padmé, stating the obvious. "They'll probably have to replace the carpet, and curtains, and who knows what else..."

"What are we going to do until it's done?" asked Anakin.

Padmé shook her head. "I don't know."

Anakin's eyes lit up as he got an idea. "We could stay at the Temple!"

"What?" exclaimed Padmé.

"It's perfect," Anakin insisted. "Obi-Wan and I share quarters, so we can kick him out, and there you go."

"Are you sure that's allowed?" wondered Padmé.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Anakin replied. "The Jedi Council threw us a freakin' baby shower, for crying out loud," he reminded her. "Do you really think they would object to you sharing my room?"

Padmé remained unconvinced. "Wouldn't it be easier just to check into a hotel?"

Anakin dismissed the notion. "Hotel, shmotel!" he said. "It'll be an adventure."

Padmé was exhausted. She had a migraine, a severe case of hyperspace lag, and two newborn babies who needed constant care. The last thing she needed was an argument with her overenthusiastic husband, so she acquiesced. "If you say so..."

* * *

"Out of the question," said Mace Windu when Anakin brought his request before the Jedi Council. 

"Why?" Anakin demanded. "It's because of you guys' stupid party that we need a place to stay in the first place."

_Ix-nay on the arty-pay,_ Obi-Wan thought urgently at Anakin.

_Huh?_ Anakin thought back. Obi-Wan's meaning, however, was revealed momentarily.

"Party?" repeated a puzzled Mace. "What party?"

The other Council members avoided eye contact.

"You guys had a party and didn't invite me," stated Mace, realizing the truth. "You never invite me! That is so not nice," he accused them.

"No offense, Mace," Obi-Wan said bravely, "but you're kind of a downer."

The other Council members nodded meekly in agreement.

"Alright," said Mace, "I see how it is. Anakin?"

"Yes, Master?"

"I've changed my mind. Your family may stay in your quarters until your apartment is finished."

"Thank you, Master," said Anakin with a bow. "But what about Obi-Wan? Won't it be a little crowded?"

"Not at all," Mace replied. "Obi-Wan can room with me."

Obi-Wan forced himself to act pleased, although in reality he would have rather spent the next twentyyearsas a hermit onTatooine."I can hardly wait."

* * *

Anakin helped Padmé and the twins move into his room, then went to train with Obi-Wan.He waspracticing a rudimentary drill involving a spherical laser-shooting droid and a helmet with a blast shield. 

"Use the Force, Luke- er, Anakin," Obi-Wan coached, watching from a safe distance.

Anakin blocked the droid's shots with ease, holding his lightsaber with only one hand. He moved quickly and fluidly, and hadsuccessfully predictedevery shot so far.

"Don't you think I'm a little advanced for this sort of thing?" Anakin wondered. "Ow!" He had let his guard down to speak, and the droid managed to get a shot in.

"You're going down, droid!" Anakin exclaimed, attacking the tiny droid with his lightsaber again and again until it was no more than a pile of charred metal on the floor.

Obi-Wan sighed. "That's the third one you've done that to in the last hour."

"Sorry, Master," said Anakin, shutting off his lightsaber.

"I think it's time to call it a day," Obi-Wan replied. "When are you going to learn to control your anger?"

"When are you going to learn not to trash other people's apartments?" Anakin shot back.

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"Nope," Anakin agreed happily. "Speaking of which, how's your new roomie?"

"Actually, not bad."

Anakin raised his eyebrows skeptically. "Are you serious?"

"He's not bad," Obi-Wan continued, "he's terrible."

"I knew it!" Anakin cried gleefully. "He snores, doesn't he?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "And he sings in the shower."

"Really? What?"

"Mostly Cher," Obi-Wan confided. "A little Britney Spears now and then."

Anakin shuddered. "That's horrible!"

"You have no idea," Obi-Wan confirmed. He paused. "So, you wouldn't mind if I crashed in your room tonight, would you?"

"Obi-Wan," Anakin said patiently, "remind me- why are you rooming with Mace?"

"Oh. Right."

Anakin patted him on the shoulder in consolation. "Just think of it as your punishment."

"Gee, thanks," Obi-Wan replied sarcastically. "I feel a lot better now."

Anakin grinned. "What are friends for?"

* * *

Anakin returned from his training session to find Padmé alone in his quarters. 

"Where are the twins?" he wondered.

"Oh, crap, did I lose them?" said Padmé.

"What?" exclaimed Anakin in consternation.

Padmé chuckled at his obvious anxiety. "Just kidding!"

Anakin sighed in relief. "Oh."

"A couple of Padawans volunteered to baby-sit them until I get settled in," Padmé explained. "It's kind of nice, actually. I don't suppose we could make this move permanent...?"

"Probably not," replied Anakin, stripping off his robe and tunic as he prepared to shower. "Obi-Wan would chop off my arm and legs."

"That's okay," Padmé assured him. "I love you anyway." She rushed over and embraced him tightly, unable to resist the allure of his naked chest. "Men like you should be banned from wearing shirts," she declared, kissing him firmly on the lips.

Anakin returned the kiss. "Mmm," he murmured in assent, "but what if I get cold?"

* * *

Do not despair; I have returned! I decided to take yesterday off to spend Father's Day with my dad, so hopefully the length of this chapter makes up for it. Thank you, everyone, for your awesome reviews! Wow! Please keep sending them in; otherwise, how willI know if you like it? Thanks! -Luna 


	16. A New Assignment

Anakin left his quarters early the next morning to get some meditation in before the Jedi Council meeting Obi-Wan had informed him about the night before. Maybe they were finally going to make him a Master... He was sitting serenely in the Temple gardens watching the sun rise when he felt an unexpected intrusion in his mind.

_Anakin, darling, would you mind running out to get some formula for the twins when you have time?_ Padmé wondered.

_What?_ replied Anakin.

She repeated the request louder. _WOULD YOU MIND-_

_I heard you the first time,_ Anakin interrupted. _But when did you learn to communicate telepathically?_

Padmé shrugged mentally. _You can't hang around the Jedi Temple all day and not pick up a trick or two._

_Yeah, but only if you're Force-sensitive in the first place,_ Anakin told her.

_Really?_ said Padmé excitedly. _Does this mean I can be a Jedi?_

_Umm...I dunno,_ said Anakin, ever wary of disagreeing with his wife. _We can talk about it later._

_Don't forget the formula!_ Padmé reminded him.

_Formula. Got it._

Anakin returned to his meditation, listening to the songs of the birds and inhaling the sweet aroma of the flowers, savoring the atmosphere of peacefulness. He had a feeling it was not going to last.

* * *

"I know you are, but what am I?" Anakin retorted after Mace Windu called him an arrogant jerk for the third time since the meeting had begun. 

Needless to say, it was not going well.

The topic of discussion was not, as Anakin had hoped, his promotion to the rank of Jedi Master, but rather the course of action concerning the remains of the separatist movement. Anakin found the discourse to be petty and dull and had not hesitated to say so, thus provoking Mace's wrath.

"I do not have the time to argue with stubborn hotshots who think they know everything," Mace responded, ignoring Anakin's taunt. "The separatist issue must be resolved."

"Now that Bail Organa has been elected Supreme Chancellor, most systems have reaffirmed their allegiance to the Republic," Obi-Wan explained. "Clone intelligence states that General Grievous and the other separatist leaders are in hiding on the planet Mustafar."

Anakin was confused. "Isn't that one of the lions from _The Lion King_?"

"No, you're thinking of Mufasa," Obi-Wan corrected him. "Would you please try to focus?"

"Sorry, Master," Anakin responded automatically.

"So what do you recommend?" Mace prompted Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan shrugged unconcernedly. "They aren't that much of a threat without the support of their armies. Anakin could probably handle all of them by himself."

Anakin perked up at the complement, underhanded though it was.

"We should send a couple of Jedi, just in case," Mace said wisely.

"Ooh! Me! Me! Pick me!" exclaimed Anakin, practically jumping out of his chair.

"I'll go, too," Obi-Wan volunteered. "We'll lay the smackdown on those losers, yo."

The rest of the Council members nodded their consent.

"Round up the separatists and bring them back to Coruscant for their trials," Mace directed Anakin and Obi-Wan. "Do not kill anyone unless it's absolutely necessary."

Anakin felt cheated. What was the point of being a Jedi if you didn't get to knock off a few bad guys every once in a while?

"But what if-" he began in protest.

"Absolutely necessary," Mace repeated for emphasis.

"Fine," Anakin pouted.

"It's settled, then," said Mace, wrapping up the meeting. "Are there any other issues that the Council needs to address?"

"The annual Master-Padawan softball game is coming up soon," Ki-Adi-Mundi reminded everyone. "I hope you have all signed up."

"Miss it, I would not," Yoda assured him. "Looking forward to setting another home run record, I am."

"I hope we get back from our mission in time," said Obi-Wan. "You guys need me."

"Yeah, how else would we keep the bench warm?" teased Mace.

"Maybe I would be able to catch the ball if I wasn't blinded by the glare of the sun off your bald head," Obi-Wan replied.

"Adjourned, the meeting is!" Yoda said quickly before the argument escalated. "May the Force be with us all."

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" called Anakin, returning to his quarters after the meeting. 

"Did you remember the formula?" Padmé asked, coming to greet him.

"Gosh darn it!" Anakin exclaimed.

"I'll take that as a no," replied Padmé, not one bit surprised.

"Oh well," said Anakin, trying to weasel his way out of the imminent errand. "They don't need to eat every day, do they?"

"Nice try."Padmé patted him on the shoulder. "You'll have to run out and get it sometime."

"Aww," Anakin whined. "Why can't you do it?" he wondered.

"Alright," Padmé agreed. "And while I'm gone, you can take care of the twins. They might need their diapers changed; there are clean ones in-"

"I'll get the formula," Anakin hastily volunteered. "I can go right after lunch."

Padmé smiled in satisfaction. Men were so easy to manipulate...

They ate lunch in the Temple cafeteria- Anakin was overjoyed to find that the younglings had not eaten all of the Jell-O, for once- while Anakin told Padmé about his new mission.

"Isn't that one of the lions from _The Lion King_?" asked Padmé when Anakin said the name of the planet.

"I thought the same thing," Anakin admitted, "but apparently not."

"Oh."

Anakin finished explaining the assignment and assured Padmé that he would be fine.

"Of course you will," Padmé replied. "I'm coming with you."

* * *

Augh! Sorry I didn't post yesterday; I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me... Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has reviewed. You guys are awesome, as always! However, my statistics show that this story has gotten 777 hits, and there are nowhere near that many reviews. What's up with that? So, if you are reading this, please review! Thanks! -Luna 


	17. Across the Stars

Anakin laughed. "I don't think so, Tim."

"My name is Padmé," Padmé said slowly. Just when she had though Anakin couldn't get any dumber…

Anakin shook his head. "Never mind. The point is, you can't come," he said firmly.

"Why not?" demanded Padmé. "You took me with you that one time."

"Yeah, and a giant kittycat almost ate you for lunch," Anakin reminded her.

"But it didn't," Padmé argued. "Which proves that I can handle myself."

"It's too dangerous," Anakin insisted. "Besides, what are we going to do with the twins?"

"Obi-Wan can watch them," offered Padmé.

Anakin stared.

"Right," said Padmé, realizing what she had been suggesting. "Bad idea." She paused. "We'll take them with us," she proposed. "It will be like a family vacation."

"Have you ever been to Mufasa?" wondered Anakin.

"No," Padmé admitted, "but I'm sure it's-"

"One of the most volcanic planets in the galaxy."

"Oh."

Anakin smiled triumphantly. There was no way Padmé would want to subject herself, her children, and her high-maintenance wardrobe to the extreme heat, cloud of ash, and hot lava that comprised the planet's climate.

"Well, that just makes it more exciting!" said Padmé enthusiastically.

"What?" Anakin exclaimed.

"I've always been fascinated by volcanoes, you know," she revealed.

Anakin sat in silence for a long moment. "You're insane," he said at last.

"Does that mean I can go?" asked Padmé.

Anakin sighed. "I suppose."

Padmé clapped her hands in excitement, then leaned across the table and kissed him.

"Honestly, people, get a room!" said Obi-Wan, carrying his lunch tray over to join them.

"You wouldn't have to worry about it if you hadn't wrecked our apartment," Anakin replied.

"Or if you had followed the Jedi Code and not gotten married," Obi-Wan pointed out.

Anakin had no response to that, so he changed the subject. "Padmé and the twins are coming with us to Mufasa," he told Obi-Wan.

"Mustafar," Obi-Wan corrected him.

"Whatever."

Obi-Wan looked at Padmé incredulously. "You do know that it's-"

"Yeah. There are volcanoes. I get it," Padmé interrupted in annoyance. "How bad can it be?"

Obi-Wan clapped Anakin on the shoulder in sympathy. "You sure know how to pick 'em," he observed.

Anakin couldn't have said it better himself.

* * *

Their departure was later that afternoon; the entire Jedi Council came to the docking bay to see them off. 

"Resolve the matter quickly, you must," Yoda instructed the two Jedi. He turned to Padmé and beckoned for her to come closer; she was nearly doubled over as he whispered in her ear.

"If killed, Anakin is, have my number, you do," the miniscule Jedi Master told her. Padmé plastered a stiff smile on her face and slowly backed away.

Obi-Wan, Anakin, Padmé and the twins boarded the small, drab transport that they would be using for the mission- it was much less conspicuous than Padmé's Silver Bullet. The Council members watched and waved as the spaceship shot off into the clear blue sky.

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Anakin wondered for the third time since they had left Coruscant. 

"No, Anakin," Obi-Wan replied patiently, "but if you ask that again I will be forced to get out my lightsaber and sever all of your remaining limbs."

Anakin shuddered. What a horrible fate that would be…

"The twins are asleep," announced Padmé as she entered the cockpit. "I finally got them to stop crying-"

Padmé was interrupted by the sound of bawling infants; it was enough to make her want to cry herself.

"I'll handle it," Anakin volunteered, sensing his wife's impending breakdown.

"Thanks, honey," Padmé said gratefully, settling into the co-pilot seat that he had just vacated.

"Hey," Obi-Wan greeted her.

"Hey," she replied.

"How's it goin'?"

"Alright. You?"

"Pretty good."

"Good."

"Yep."

"Awesome."

"Totally."

There was an awkward pause. They stared out the windowand watchedhyperspace sail by.

"It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi," said Padmé, attempting to make conversation. "Not being able to do the things you like, or visit the places you like-"

"Or be with the people you love," Obi-Wan finished, looking at her meaningfully.

"Is that a pick-up line?" Padmé asked in shock.

"That depends," said Obi-Wan. "Did it work?"

Padmé let out a short, dry laugh. "You Jedi are the biggest bunch of lovesick fools I have ever met," she declared, storming out of the cockpit just as Anakin reentered.

"What did you do to her?" he wondered.

Obi-Wan was dumbfounded. "I have no idea."

* * *

Another day, another chapter... Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has reviewed- I really can't say it enough. In the words of Count Dooku, you are"worthy of recognition in the Jedi Archives." Oh geez, I am a geek. Thank you, and good night. Er, make that good afternoon. Whatever. Ciao! -Luna

PS- Don't forget to review!


	18. The Separatists

Padmé returned to the cockpit a moment later. "You got the twins to sleep," she said to Anakin, clearly impressed.

"Duh," Anakin replied. "It's not like it's hard."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier," Padmé apologized to Obi-Wan, who waved it off.

"Yeah, I figured you were probably PMS-ing or something."

Padmé glared. No wonder Obi-Wan didn't have a girlfriend…

Anakin was growing restless again. "Are we- never mind," he said as the ship came out of hyperspace near an extremely orange, violent-looking planet. They made their approach, almost getting liquefied by one unexpected and large volcanic eruption.

"Sweet," said Padmé as lava splattered on the windshield.

Anakin looked at her in bewilderment. "You are not normal," he declared.

"Oh, and you are?" Padmé shot back, sticking her tongue out at him.

Obi-Wan sighed in exasperation. "Do I need to separate you two?" he joked.

Anakin was instantly on the offensive. "What are you trying to say?" he demanded.

"Nothing," Obi-Wan assured him, setting the ship down on a small landing pad that was a safe distance away from the lava flow. "Are you ready to kick some separatist butt?"

"Always," said Anakin, giving Padmé a quick hug and kiss. "Stay with the ship," he instructed her. "I'll be back in twenty minutes."

* * *

"Do you have any idea where you're going?" wondered Anakin as he followed Obi-Wan into the desolate-looking building that was connected to their landing pad. 

"Shh," said Obi-Wan, slipping into spy mode and tiptoeing down the corridor.

Anakin lowered his voice to a whisper. "Do you have any idea where we're going?" he repeated.

"Not really," Obi-Wan admitted, "but I have a knack for this sort of thing."

"You mean like that one time when you almost got killed by a giant praying mantis?

"Yeah; you sure helped me out there."

"Oh, shut up."

They prowled through the hallways, alert for any signs of activity. Eventually they came across a pair of battle droids on patrol, which they destroyed before either droid could utter so much as a "Roger, Roger."

"We must be getting close," observed Obi-Wan.

"Ya think?" Anakin replied sarcastically.

Sure enough, they soon spied one door that was particularly heavily-guarded. There wereat least a dozen battle droids, with a couple of lethal-looking destroyer droids thrown in for good measure. Anakin and Obi-Wan made short work of the battle droids, and then- thanks to their quick reflexes and a couple of fancy flips by Anakin- dispatched the destroyer droids as well.

"The door is locked," Anakin said after unsuccessfully attempting to opening it.

Obi-Wan was unconcerned. "That's what lightsabers are for," he replied as his lightsaber cut through the heavy metal door like a hot knife through butter. "Remember- don't kill them if they don't resist."

Anakin nodded reluctantly. The door fell open, and he and Obi-Wan stepped through. Immediately, the separatist leaders' hands and hand-like appendages flew up in surrender.

"Have mercy on us," pleaded Nute Gunray. "I don't want to die!"

"Screw that," said Anakin, igniting his lightsaber. "You're goin' down, punk!"

Anakin attacked, efficiently assassinating the separatists one after another while Obi-Wan looked on hopelessly. Suddenly, both Jedi heard a mysterious voice scream in despair.

"Anakin! Anakin! Noooooooooo!"

Anakin stopped and turned off his lightsaber, but it was too late. All of the separatist leaders lay dead on the floor.

"Oops," said Anakin.

"Did you hear that voice?" wondered Obi-Wan.

"Yeah, it was Qui-Gon," Anakin told him.

"Qui-Gon?" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

Anakin shrugged. "What's the big deal? It's not like it was the first time."

"What do you mean?"

"He told me to stop last time, too."

"Last time?"

"With the Tusken Raiders and all that jazz?" Anakin reminded him. "It didn't work then, either."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Maybe because I knew you'd get on my case," Anakin replied, "You know, like you are now?"

Obi-Wan took the hint and stopped asking questions, while Anakin walked around the room surveying his handiwork.

"Are we missing someone?" wondered Anakin.

"I don't think so," Obi-Wan replied, brow furrowed in concentration.

"It almost seemed too easy…"

Anakin and Obi-Wan looked at each other as they came to the same realization, speaking simultaneously.

"General Grievous."

* * *

_Anakin, darling, are you busy right now?_ thought Padmé, making the most of her newfound telepathy. 

_Um, kind of,_ Anakin thought in reply. _Why?_

_Could you come back to the ship? It's sort of an emergency._

Anakin sighed. _Alright. We'll be there in a sec._

"Hello, Coruscant to Anakin," said Obi-Wan, waving his hand in front of the face of his spaced-out apprentice.

Anakin snapped out of it. "What? Oh, sorry, I was talking to Padmé," he explained.

Obi-Wan looked at him dubiously. Maybe Anakin had finally gone off the deep end… "You were talking to her in your head?" he wondered.

Anakin told Obi-Wan about Padmé's recent discovery of the ability to communicate telepathically.

"Interesting," said Obi-Wan. "So that was her just now?"

"Uh-huh."

"Did she say what the matter was?"

"Not specifically."

"Was it important?"

"I think so."

"Did she say what she wanted you to do?"

"Yep."

"What?" prompted Obi-Wan, increasingly frustrated with Anakin's refusal to elaborate.

"Go back to the ship."

"Well, what are we waiting for?"

Anakin shrugged. "Dunno."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "It was a rhetorical question, you moron." He strode out of the body-strewn room, beckoning for Anakin to follow. "Come on!"

They quickly made their way back to the ship and found Padmé in an extremely agitated state. She paced back and forth in the corridor, wringing her hands worriedly.

"What's the matter?" Anakin asked.

Padmé stopped pacing but was still visibly agitated. "The twins are missing."

"What?" said Anakin, becoming concerned himself. "How?"

Padmé took a deep breath. "I got bored, so the twins and I went for a walk. I stopped to look at a volcano, and when I glanced back in the stroller, they were gone. I saw someone carrying them away and tried to catch up, but I couldn't. That's when I contacted you."

"Do you have any idea what the kidnapper looked like?" wondered Obi-Wan.

"I only saw him from a distance," said Padmé. "I think it was a droid, but he was making some sort of weird asthmatic breathing noise-"

Anakin groaned. "Great."

"So you know who it was?" Padmé asked.

"Padmé," Obi-Wan said gently. "I'm afraid your children have been kidnapped by General Grievous."

* * *

At long last, I have returned! Sorry about that little hiatus; I was just too busy to post. (Or write, for that matter.) I still want to keep this story going if you still want to read it...Thanks a million to everyone who has reviewed; you're awesome! Please, keep it up! -Luna 


	19. Lost and Found

"Crap," said Padmé.

"My thoughts exactly," Obi-Wan agreed.

"Wait, didn't you guys kill him already when you rescued Palpatine?" wondered Padmé.

The memory made Anakin cringe. "Not exactly," he confessed. "We just hijacked his ship."

"And then crashed it," added Obi-Wan.

"Well, that's just great," Padmé said sarcastically. "So now my kids are in the clutches of some irredeemably evil man- er, droid- somewhere on this freakin' lava planet of death."

"Lava planet of death," Obi-Wan repeated thoughtfully. "There's a catchy name. And certainly less evocative of cutesy cartoons about talking animals…"

"What are you doing?" exclaimed Padmé.

"Um, not making any clever witticisms, apparently," Obi-Wan replied.

"No, I mean why are you still standing here when you should be out looking for my babies?"

"Oh. Right." Obi-Wan hurriedly exited the ship, while Anakin stopped to give Padmé a kiss before departing.

"Don't fret, my love," he told her. "I will find the twins and be back in-"

"Twenty minutes," Padmé finished. "Whatever. Just go already, okay?"

Anakin kissed her again. "I love you," he said tenderly.

Padmé smiled half-heartedly. "I know," she replied. "Now leave!"

Anakin disembarked from the ship and moved swiftly to catch up with Obi-Wan, who was already back inside.

"Are you sure he's here?" wondered Anakin as he and Obi-Wan searched various rooms and corridors.

"Positive," Obi-Wan confirmed. "It may take us awhile to find him on foot like this, though. If only I had some sort of giant lizard creature that I could ride…"

"Yeah, that would be a big help," said Anakin.

Obi-Wan sighed. "The sarcasm is strong with this one," he muttered.

Anakin didn't hear; he was too focused on the search for his abducted children. "Did you hear that?" he asked Obi-Wan.

"Hear what?"

"It sounded like…Luke and Leia!" Anakin exclaimed in excitement. "Shh!"

Sure enough, Obi-Wan heard the faint but unmistakable sobbing of the Skywalker twins drifting down the hallway.

"It's coming from this way," said Obi-Wan, motioning to the left.

"No, it definitely came from over there," Anakin disagreed as he began walking down the right-hand corridor.

Obi-Wan didn't even try to argue. "We'll split up then," he suggested.

"Fine," said Anakin, continuing on his way as Obi-Wan headed off in the opposite direction.

Slowly, Anakin realized that the crying was getting louder and felt a twinge of satisfaction in knowing that Obi-Wan had been wrong. He paused outside a door that was slightly ajar and listened. The babies' cries seemed to be coming from within, along with another horrendous sound that made Anakin wince in pain. He peered into the room and couldn't believe his eyes.

"Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop," General Grievous sang in his raspy voice, trying desperately to calm the sobbing twins, "when the wind blows, the cradle will rock-"

"What is that awful racket?" exclaimed Anakin as he burst into the room. "Don't quit your day job, okay?"

General Grievous carefully placed the babies in the crib and turned to face Anakin. "Skywalker," he said menacingly, "I expected someone with your reputation to be-"

"Dude, you seriously need some new material," Anakin interrupted, drawing his lightsaber.

"How about this: I will chop you into tiny pieces and feed your children to my pet rancor," Grievous cackled evilly as he ignited his four lightsabers.

Anakin scoffed. "You think you're so scary, with your gravely voice and four arms and all. If you ask me, what you need is a good decongestant."

General Grievous attacked. His spinning lightsabers were a blur of blue and green as he walked slowly towards Anakin, who remained surprisingly calm and rational.

"Forget this." Anakin tossed his lightsaber like a spear, and the weapon lanced straight through the heart of the formidable droid.

"Gosh darn it," said Grievous just before bursting into flames and collapsing on the floor.

Anakin retrieved his lightsaber from Grievous' chest and swiftly cut off the droid's head.

"Man, I'm awesome," said Anakin, shutting off his lightsaber and picking up Luke and Leia. "You guys have the coolest dad in the entire galaxy."

* * *

_Anakin! Help me!_

_Obi-Wan? What's wrong?_

_Look out the window._

Anakin did, and saw Obi-Wan clinging for dear life to the edge of a platform overhanging a raging river of lava. He was thoroughly confused.

_How did you-_

_Don't ask questions,_ Obi-Wan interrupted. _Just get over here!_

_Okey-dokey,_ Anakin replied. He raced through the maze of corridors until he found the exit that led to the platform. He looked down at Obi-Wan, white-knuckled and hanging on desperately to the platform's edge, and shook his head in disappointment.

"You are so pathetic, you know that?"

"Shut up and help me," Obi-Wan demanded as his grip on the platform slipped.

"That's no way to talk to someone when your life depends upon them," Anakin chided. "And besides," he continued, nodding towards Luke and Leia, "my hands are full."

"Oh, for the love of-" Obi-Wan paused. "What do you want?"

"Hmm, let me see… It starts with an 'm' and rhymes with 'aster,'" Anakin hinted.

"I can't make you a Jedi Master!" Obi-Wan protested. "The Council has to approve it."

"Padmé will probably want to know that the twins are safe," said Anakin, moving as if to leave.

"Oh, fine," Obi-Wan sighed. "You can be a Master."

"Yippee!" Anakin exclaimed. He carefully shifted both babies to one arm and extended the other to help Obi-Wan.

"Thanks," said Obi-Wan once he was standing safely on the platform.

"No problem," Anakin replied. "How did that happen, anyway?"

Obi-Wan reddened in embarrassment. "You don't want to know."

* * *

And so the saga continues… Thanks a lot to everyone who has reviewed; you are too cool for words. Please keep reviewing! You guys rock! -Luna 


	20. And Lost Again

Anakin decided to let it go for the moment, but made a mental note to bring up the incident again later. Perhaps when Obi-Wan had had a little too much to drink... They headed back inside, and it was only a matter of time before Anakin and Obi-Wan were arguing about which direction to take.

"Uh, Master?" Anakin paused as Obi-Wan began walking down one of many similar-looking corridors. "I'm pretty sure the exit is that way," he said, pointing in a different direction.

"But-" protested Obi-Wan.

Anakin stopped him with a withering look. "Remember what happened last time we disagreed about a navigational issue? I think it involved a deadly river of hot lava and you begging me to save your life or something like that."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Fine. I'll follow you."

"Besides, this is a shortcut," Anakin explained, striding off confidently in his chosen direction. "I think..."

* * *

"Well, that was some shortcut, Anakin," said Obi-Wan sarcastically. "We should have gone completely the other direction." 

It was several hours later, and the two Jedi were plodding wearily through the endless maze of corridors, looking for the exit. To make matters worse, the twins were tired, hungry, and sobbing. Obi-Wan was beginning to wish that they had simply abandoned the babies to General Grievous and his evil schemes; at least then he wouldn't have a massive headache due to their incessant crying...

"I'm deeply sorry, Master," Anakin apologized as he shiftedhis grip on the twins to free one of his hands. "If you'll excuse me."

Without warning, Anakin turned and punched Obi-Wan squarely on the nose.

"Ow!" Obi-Wan groaned, staggering backwards. "That was completely unnecessary."

Anakin shrugged. "I felt like it."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" scolded Obi-Wan. "Anger leads to-"

"Baloney," Anakin interrupted.

"No, that's wrong," Obi-Wancorrected him. "Anger does not lead to baloney, it leads to the Dark Side."

"I know," replied an irritated Anakin. "I meant that the entire philosophy is complete crap."

Obi-Wan instantly sprang to the defense of the Jedi Code. "Well, you can't-"

"Take me, for example," Anakin continued,disregarding Obi-Wan's objections. "I admit it: I can sometimes be an angry guy."

"Sometimes?" said Obi-Wan jokingly.

Anakin ignored him. "But I don't hate anybody. Except for maybe Master Windu."

"Which is completely understandable," Obi-Wan acknowledged.

"So in my case, anger didn't lead to the Dark Side; it lead to a beautiful and loving wife, two kids, and a position on the Jedi Council," Anakin reasoned. "You see? The wholetheory is completely flawed."

As impressed as Obi-Wan was with his apprentice's rare display of logic, he knew there was a gap in Anakin's reasoning. Ifonly he couldfigure it out...

"Look!" cried Anakin, interrupting Obi-Wan's thoughts. "We're saved!"

Sure enough, the door that would take them back to the outside world was clearly visible at the end of the hallway, illuminated by a glowing red "Exit" sign.

"Thank the Force," said Obi-Wan in relief. He and Anakin hurried out onto the landing pad and boarded their ship, where they were greeted enthusiastically by Padmé.

"Anakin!" she exclaimed, embracing him tightly. She took the twins from him and clasped them lovingly to her. "I missed you guys," shesaid gently as she hugged them tighter.

"Watch it!" said Anakin. "I didn't rescue them from an evil mastermind just so they could die of suffocation at the hands of their own mother."

"Right. Sorry," Padmé replied, relaxing her grip slightly.

"Do I get a hug, too?" wondered Obi-Wan.

Padmé let out a short laugh, remembering Obi-Wan's attempts atflirtation from earlier. "I would rather die first," she told him.

Obi-Wan moped in silence.

"That must have hurt," Padmé commented, referring to the two black eyes thatnow gracedObi-Wan's face as a result of Anakin's punch. "Did General Grievous do it?"

"Yes, yes he did,"Obi-Wan answered quickly. "I thought I was a goner for a second," he added in a gruff, macho manner, "but I got him in the end. Yep, that's what happened."

"I see," Padmé said politely. She saw right through Obi-Wan's ploy, but decided to play along anyway. "And I suppose Anakin was completely useless in battle," Padmé added, sharing a secret smile with her husband.

"Completely," Obi-Wan confirmed. "As usual."

"Well, it sounds like you've had a rough day," remarked Padmé. "You should get some rest," she suggested, shooing Obi-Wan off to lie down. "Anakin will just have to make up for being a worthless fighter by flying us home safely. Won't you, dear?"

Anakin kissed her softly on the lips. "I'll try."

* * *

"Washed, fed, and safe in bed," Padmé announced as she joined Anakin in the cockpit a short while later. 

"Obi-Wan or the twins?" asked Anakin.

"The twins," Padmé told him with a giggle. "And Obi-Wan too, I suppose."

Anakin regarded her in awe and appreciation. "You are a goddess," he declared.

Padmé blushed as she seated herself in Anakin's lap, resting her head on his shoulder. "How did I ever get to be so lucky?" she wondered.

Anakin wrapped his arms around her waist. "I was just going to ask the same question," he replied.

They kissed for a long, long time.

* * *

I love you all! Um, you know, as friends... Thank you very much for all of your reviews! It doesn't take a psychic to figure out what I'm going to ask you to do now, so go and do it already! Pretty pretty please? Thanks! -Luna 


	21. To Be or Not to Be: Episode I

"So they're dead," said Mace Windu, making sure that he understood what had happened on Mustafar. The Council meeting had been called immediately upon Anakin and Obi-Wan's return to Coruscant; it was imperative that they were debriefed while the events were still fresh in their minds.

"Right," Obi-Wan confirmed.

Mace still couldn't believe it. "All of them?"

"Yes, all of them," replied Anakin, fed up with Mace's continual skepticism. "I killed them. I killed them all! They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!" Anakin broke down in tears.

Obi-Wan reached over and patted Anakin on the back in a comforting gesture. "It's okay," he assured him. "I didn't really like the separatists, either. Was anyone else really bothered by the fact that Nute Gunray had no nose?"

Murmurs of assent came from around the room.

"You see, Anakin?" Obi-Wan continued. "You-"

"Oh, shut up," Anakin interrupted harshly. "It's all your fault, you know. You're holding me back!"

Obi-Wan bristled at the insult. "I am not!"

"Are too," Anakin argued stubbornly.

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"D-2."

"What?"

"Nothing."

The bickering stopped, and Mace Winduregained control of the meeting. "All of the separatist leaders are dead," he repeated yet again.

The other Council members were growing restless; even Yoda was becoming impatient with Mace's inability to get past that fact.

"Established that, we have," Yoda said gruffly.

"Oh. Right," said Mace. "So, what do we do now?"

There was a long, awkward pause as the Council members blinked and stared at each other.

_Are you going to ask?_ Anakin mentally prompted Obi-Wan.

_Ask what?_ Obi-Wan replied.

_You know, about me becoming a Master,_ Anakin reminded him.

_Oh. That._

Anakin grew impatient. _Well?_

_I'll ask later,_ Obi-Wan told him.

_That's okay,_ thought Anakin, _I'm sure the Council would much rather hear about your little accident on Mufasa._

_Mustafar._

_Whatever._

_Fine, I'll ask, you manipulative little son-of-a-_

_Of course, there would be nothing to prevent me from telling the Council about that particular incident after they made me a Master... _

Obi-Wan changed his tune. _Have I ever mentioned that you're the best apprentice I've ever had?_

_Well, I am the only apprentice you've ever had._

_Which makes iteven more special. _

_That doesn't even make any sense. _

_Never mind._

"If no one has any other business, then..." said Mace Windu, ready to adjourn the meeting.

"Actually, I did want to mention something else," Obi-Wan interjected. "I think that Anakin's performance on this mission merits the rank of Jedi Master."

The other Council members sat in stunned silence for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Anakin asked indignantly.

"Too inexperienced, you are, young Skywalker," explained Yoda.

"Too inexperienced?" Anakin repeated in disbelief. "How many freakin' Sith Lords does a guy have to kill to get a promotion around here?"

"You are not old enough," Mace insisted. "And I really, really don't like you."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," said Obi-Wan. If Anakin didn't get to be a Master, he would tell the Council all about Obi-Wan's embarrassing mishap on Mustafar and Obi-Wan would become the laughingstock of the Jedi Order, which was something that he definitely did not want to happen.

"Well, excuse me if I don't think that having a few extra midi-chlorians is any reason for special privileges," Mace replied defensively.

"You're just jealous," Anakin blurted out. It took all of his willpower to refrain from rushing across the room and beating the crap out of Mace, but he knew that the Council would never make him a Jedi Master if he did that...

Obi-Wan sensed Anakin's anger and realized that he was about to reach his breaking point. He looked across the room at Mace and saw the veins popping out on his forehead, which meant that he was close to losing it as well. Obi-Wan knew that unless he acted quickly, he was about to be witness to the very first Jedi Council meeting catfight.

"Can't we just all be friends?" Obi-Wan pleaded desperately.

"I wanna be a Master!" Anakin whined.

Mace scoffed. "Over my dead body."

"That can be arranged," said Anakin darkly.

"Enough, that is," said Yoda, asserting his considerable authority. "Settle this matter democratically, we will."

"Good idea," agreed Obi-Wan. "All those in favor of making Anakin a Jedi Master, raise your hand."

About half of the Council members raised their hands, and Obi-Wan took a moment to count them.

"All those opposed, raise your hand," he instructed next.

The other Council members raised their hands; Obi-Wan counted those as well.

"It's a tie," he announced.

Sighs of exasperation were heard from around the room.

"Gee, what a brilliant plan," said Anakin sarcastically.

"I'll have none of that, Anakin," Obi-Wan scolded. "The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it."

"Yeah, well, it didn't work," Anakin replied, stating the obvious. "Now what?"

Obi-Wan thought for a moment. "How about a contest?" he suggested. "If Anakin wins, he gets to be a Master. If Mace wins, Anakin doesn't get to be a Master."

"Great! What are we waiting for?" said Anakin, reaching for his lightsaber.

"Not that kind of contest," Obi-Wan hastily clarified.

"What did you have in mind?" wondered Mace.

Obi-Wan grinned craftily.

* * *

Man, I am just like a writing machine! Okay, so not really. I will probably be able to post tomorrow; I definitely will not be able to on Tuesday or Wednesday due to a brief family vacation. Sorry! Hopefully you can find it in your hearts to forgive me... Thank you TONS for all of the reviews; they make me very happy. Keep sending them in!-Luna 


	22. To Be or Not to Be: Episode II

"You have got to be kidding," said Mace after Obi-Wan shared his idea.

"I am so not doing that," Anakin added adamantly.

"Do either of you have a better idea?" challenged Obi-Wan.

"A lightsaber battle to the death sounds pretty good to me," Anakin replied.

"No objections here," said Mace agreeably.

Yoda, however, decided that it was time to put his foot down. "Unacceptable, that is," he told them. "Use Obi-Wan's plan, you will."

"'Rock, Paper, Scissors' it is, then," said Obi-Wan cheerfully.

Mace and Anakin groaned in disappointment.

"Um, Obi-Wan?" said Anakin, uncharacteristically shy.

"What is it?" wondered Obi-Wan.

Anakin looked at the ground and muttered something unintelligible.

"Speak up, Anakin," Obi-Wan prodded.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY FREAKIN' 'ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS,' OKAY?" shouted Anakin. "Geez!"

"You poor, deprived child," Obi-Wan replied sympathetically.

"Yeah, slave children tend to be poor and deprived," said Anakin. "Thanks for reminding me of my painful past, though."

"Sorry," Obi-Wan apologized.

Anakin waved it off. "Don't sweat it."

"The game really is fairly simple," said Obi-Wan, explaining the general concept while Anakin listened attentively.

"It sounds easy enough," said Anakin when Obi-Wan had finished.

"Then let's go," said Mace impatiently.

Anakin was confused. "Go where?"

"No, you moron," Mace replied. "I meant, let's get this over with."

"Oh. Why didn't you just say that, then?" wondered Anakin.

Mace sighed. "Never mind. Are you ready?"

Anakin nodded solemnly, focusing on the task at hand, and Mace began.

"Rock, paper-"

"Wait!" cried Anakin.

"No, it's just 'paper,'" Obi-Wan instructed him. "Not 'paperweight.'"

Anakin ignored him. "Do we go on 'scissors' or on 'shoot'?" he asked Mace.

"On 'shoot.'" Mace decided. "Now are you ready?"

"Yeah," said Anakin.

Mace started again. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

Mace made a fist, representing rock, while Anakin extended his thumb and pinky finger.

"What are you doing?" exclaimed Mace. "That's not even one of the choices!"

"Oops," said Anakin. "Okay, I've got it now. Can I get a redo?"

"Fine," Mace replied. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

This time, Mace laid his hand flat to symbolize paper, while Anakin had selected scissors.

"Did I win?" wondered Anakin hopefully.

"Yes," Mace told him through gritted teeth.

Several members of the Jedi Council began to cheer.

"Yippee!" exclaimed Anakin. "In your face!" he taunted Mace.

"Alright, that's it," said Mace, flinging off his robe and assuming a fighting posture. "Put 'em up, you little pansy."

Anakin scoffed. "I don't have to take this crap from you anymore," he told Mace. "I'm a Jedi Master!"

Mace saw that Anakin wasn't taking the bait and relaxed; Anakin seized the moment to charge and tackle him to the floor. After punching Mace repeatedly, Anakin stood up, his anger subsiding. When Mace attempted to sit up, however, Anakin swiftly head-butted him; Mace fell back on the floor unconscious. It was only then that Anakin became aware of the stares of all the other Council members.

"Um, sorry," Anakin apologized meekly.

There was a pause, and then the entire Jedi Council burst into applause.

"Deserve that, Master Windu did," Yoda said approvingly.

"He's had it coming for a long time," added Ki-Adi-Mundi. "I'm surprised you held out for as long as you did."

"But what about the Code?" Anakin asked in confusion. "Wasn't that, like, a blatant display of anger?"

Obi-Wan waved away Anakin's concern. "Screw the Code," he said. "We're thinking about getting a new one, anyway. How does 'It's all about sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll' sound to you?"

"It's pretty catchy," Anakin agreed. "Can I go now?" he wondered.

"Dude, you're a Jedi Master," Obi-Wan reminded him. "You can do whatever you want!"

* * *

Anakin hurried back to his quarters, where Padmé was waiting. They greeted each other simultaneously. 

"Guess what?"

"You go first," offered Padmé.

"No, you," Anakin insisted.

"No, you," Padmé stubbornly replied.

"No, you."

"You."

"You."

"Y-" Padmé suddenly realized the ridiculousness of the argument. "Fine, I'll go," she relented. "They're done working on our apartment," she revealed. "We can move back in!"

"Sweet," Anakin replied.

"Yeah," Padmé agreed. "What did you want to say?" she prompted him.

"Oh, nothing much," said Anakin. "Only that you are looking at the most recently appointed Jedi Master."

"They finally made you a Master?" Padmé exclaimed. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," said Anakin. "And right after that, I knocked out Mace Windu."

Padmé couldn't help it; she rushed to Anakin and kissed him fiercely on the lips. She had never been able to resist the bad boy in him...

"I love you," she told him breathlessly, smothering him in kisses.

To Padmé's surprise and delight, Anakin swept her off her feet and carried her over to his bed.

"I love you more," he replied as he kissed her feverishly.

"No, I love you more," said Padmé, returning the favor.

The debate was abandoned among giggles and kisses.

* * *

There's nothing like a good sappy love scene, is there? I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed; you are the awesomest- er,make thatmost awesome- people on the planet! An explanation of Obi-Wan's situation on Mustafar is forthcoming; possibly in the next chapter? (hint, hint) So please keep reading and reviewing! Thanks! -Luna


	23. Obi Wan's Story

It was this scene that Obi-Wan walked in on a moment later. "Anakin, I-" he stopped short when he saw what was going on. "-am very sorry," he said quickly, averting his eyes. "I'll come back later, okay?"

By this time Anakin and Padmé were standing a respectable distance apart,adjusting their somewhat disheveled appearances.

"Geez, Obi-Wan!" Anakin exclaimed, using anger to hide his embarrassment. "Have you ever heard of knocking?"

"Well, excuse me," Obi-Wan replied sassily, "but I didn't think you two would have the audacity to-"

"To what?" Padmé interrupted indignantly. "Show affection for each other in the privacy of our own quarters? We are married, you know."

Obi-Wan was humbled in the face of Padmé's authoritative attitude. "I'm sorry, milady," he replied with a small bow.

"Did you have something to tell me?" asked Anakin.

"Er... I'm sorry?" Obi-Wan guessed.

"Thanks," said Anakin. "But why did you come here in the first place?"

"Oh yeah," Obi-Wan said, remembering the purpose of his visit. "We're having a party tonight to celebrate your promotion."

"Rock on!" said Anakin.

"It's going to be at a club called the Juiced-up Jawa," Obi-Wan informed him. "Padmé is invited too, of course. You'll, um, probably want to get a babysitter for the twins."

Padmé wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Sounds fun."

"Well, I'll be there, anyway," Anakin told Obi-Wan, noting his wife's obvious lack of interest. "How's Mace, by the way?"

"He won't be back on his feet for at least a week."

Anakin grinned. "Sweet."

* * *

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to," sang Anakin in a shrill falsetto. 

Anakin, Obi-Wan, Yoda, and several other Jedi Masters were crowded into a booth at the Juiced-up Jawa, relaxing and having a good time. The other Jedi cheered and applauded appreciatively as Anakin finished his rendition.

"Another round, boys?" asked a cheerful waitress as she walked by their table.

"Sure," Obi-Wan said on a whim. "This one's on me," he announced.

The other Jedi cheered and finished off their drinks, laughing and joking loudly until the waitress returned.

"A toast," Obi-Wan proposed, raising his glass. "To Anakin!"

"To Anakin!" echoed the others.

"Thanks," said Anakin.

"You've earned it," Obi-Wan replied. "Yourbattle on Mustafar with those separatists- I've never seen anything like it."

"Speaking of Mustafar," said Anakin, "what happened to you while I was fighting Grievous?"

Obi-Wan blushed. "We don't talk about that," he said brusquely.

"Aww, come on," Anakin prodded him. "How did you end up dangling from that platform?"

Obi-Wan remained stubbornly tight-lipped.

"Please, Obi-Wan? Tell us," Anakin pleaded. "Tell us now!" he added harshly.

Obi-Wan bristled. "I'm not entirely sure I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk," he replied.

Anakin saw that it was true. "Waitress!" he called as she walked past again. "Another round, please?"

The waitress smiled obligingly. "Coming right up."

One hour and several drinks later, Obi-Wan's speech was slurred to the point that Anakin dared to try again.

"We're all dying to know what happened to you on Mustafar," Anakin told him.

"Well, you all can shove it," Obi-Wan replied as he drank deeply from his glass.

"But I wanna know!" whined Anakin. "What could it possibly hurt?"

The other Jedi chimed in their agreement.

"Oh, all right," Obi-Wan caved in at last. "But you can't laugh."

"We wouldn't dream of it," Anakin promised solemnly.

Obi-Wan took a long drink and began to speak.

* * *

Several hours earlier... 

Obi-Wan and Anakin had a problem. Obi-Wan was confident that General Grievous and the Skywalker twins were located somewhere down the lefthand corridor, while Anakin was equally sure that they would be found to the right.

"We'll split up, then," suggested Obi-Wan.

"Fine," Anakin replied impatiently, turning to leave.

Obi-Wan shook his head sorrowfully as he watched his apprentice storm off. Someday that boy's arrogance was going to get him into deep trouble... Obi-Wan began walking down his chosen hallway and listening carefully for any sound, especially one that sounded likesobbing infants.

"Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!" a mysterious voice echoed through the hall.

Obi-Wan paused for a moment, but heard nothing further. He resumed his search for General Grievous, deciding that he must be imagining things.

"I must be imagining things," he said out loud.

The mysterious voice spoke again. "Only crazy people talk to themselves, you know."

Obi-Wan stopped. The voice sounded strangely familiar, but he couldn't quite... "Qui-Gon?" Obi-Wan wondered in awe.

"Are you saying you don't even recognize the voice of your old master?" Qui-Gon replied, sounding hurt.

"I did recognize it," Obi-Wan insisted, slightly stunned, "but aren't you supposed to be-"

"Hey," interrupted Qui-Gon. "I talk, you listen. Got it?"

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan replied obediently.

"What was that?" asked Qui-Gon. "Did I just hear you say something?"

"I was just-" Obi-Wan attempted to explain.

"Zip it."

"But-"

"Shh!"

Obi-Wan fell silent.

"That's better," said Qui-Gon. "Now, follow the sound of my voice..."

Obi-Wan walked down the hallway, in compliance with Qui-Gon's instructions. "What is the point of this?" he wondered.

"Haven't you ever seen _The Wizard of Oz_?" Qui-Gon explained.

"You mean it's like, 'follow the yellow brick road'?"

"Kind of. Except without the munchkins- those things are scary!"

Obi-Wan shuddered. He used to have nightmares about the munchkins from _The Wizard of Oz_; he had no desire to revisit them.

"Yeah, but where are we going?" Obi-Wan persisted as Qui-Gon led him to a room off the main corridor.

"You'll see..."

"I'm really beginning to doubt that," Obi-Wan informed him. He observed his surroundings and saw that Qui-Gon had led him back outside. "The babies' cries were definitely coming from inside. Although these volcanoes are pretty cool," he admitted, watching as a particularly violent eruption spewed hot lava high into the air.

"Look out, Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon cried suddenly.

Obi-Wan had been so busy gawking at the scenery that he had stepped right off the platform; only his lightning-quick Jedi reflexes saved him from a fiery death in the lava flow directly beneath him.

"Augh!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, barely managing to grab onto the platform's edge.

"Good one," said Qui-Gon sarcastically. "Geez, Obi-Wan, if I had known you were so completely inept, I never would have trusted you to train Anakin in the first place."

Obi-Wan ignored the insult; he was too busy hanging on for dear life. "Help me!" he pleaded desperately.

"And how exactly would you suggest that I do that?" Qui-Gon wondered. "I'm only a disembodied voice, you know."

Obi-Wan was on the verge of panic by this point. "Never mind. Just toss me the end of that rope, would you?"

"Dude, do the words 'disembodied voice' mean anything to you?"

"Um..."

Qui-Gon sighed. "You know what? I give up. You're on your own, man."

"Qui-Gon! Wait!" wailed Obi-Wan. It was too late, though; he could sense that his former master's presence was no longer there.

* * *

"...so then I was forced to call Anakin to rescue me," Obi-Wan finished explaining. 

"Which makes it how many times now? Ten?" asked Anakin jokingly.

Yoda laughed in his gruff manner. "Very clumsy, Master Kenobi can be," he said knowingly.

The other Jedi chuckled at Obi-Wan's foolishness. Fortunately, Obi-Wan was too drunk to care.

"I need another drink," he slurred. "Waitress!"

Obi-Wan's head hit the table with a thud as he passed out cold.

* * *

Do not despair; I have returned! Um, you guys know that this story is not promoting drugs or alchohol in any way, shape, or form, right? Yeah; I just thought I'd make sure... A humungous thank you to everyone who has submitted reviews! You are probably not goint to want to hear this, but I may or may not post tomorrow- I am having a Star Wars marathon movie night with some friends. (Yes, I know I am a geek. Shut up already.) So you might as well review now, right? Thanks! -Luna 


	24. A Moving Occassion

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Padmé cried as Anakin arrived back at his quarters.

"Why?" he wondered groggily. "Did you lose your watch again?"

Padmé narrowed her eyes. "Very funny. Now get in bed."

"If you insist…" Anakin stripped off his tunic and moved to kiss her.

Padmé pushed him away, smelling the alcohol on his breath. "Not tonight, mister. Tomorrow we're moving back into the apartment, remember? You need all the sleep you can get."

Anakin groaned.

"Good night, honey," Padmé said sweetly, shutting off the light and getting into bed. "I love you."

Anakin's only reply was a loud snore.

* * *

"Rise and shine, Anakin!" said Padmé cheerfully, awakening him early the next morning. 

Anakin rolled over in bed and covered his face with his hands in an attempt to prevent the light from reaching his eyes.

"Bats are nocturnal!" he moaned.

Padmé sighed. She had long since given up trying to understand the logic behind the things her husband said.

"You are not a bat," she said matter-of-factly. "You are a Jedi. A Jedi with a family who would very much like to get back to their own home."

"Actually, I really don't think that the twins care that much," Anakin pointed out.

"Well, I do," Padmé replied, "and the sooner we get out of here, the better."

Anakin yawned as he sat up in bed. Padmé was already bustling about the room, packing her belongings in various containers.

"Don't just sit there," she prompted him after a moment. "Get up and pack something, would you?"

Anakin reluctantly complied. He got out of bed and looked around in confusion. "Where is my shirt?" he wondered.

"I must have packed it already," Padmé said without batting an eyelash.

"In which box?"

"I forget," she replied smoothly. "I guess you'll just have to go shirtless until we find it."

Anakin smiled and knew that he was still irresistible to her. Suddenly the twins began to cry; Anakin clutched his head, feeling the aftereffects of his late-night partying.

"I'll handle them if you help pack," offered Padmé.

"Okey-dokey," Anakin agreed. He began stuffing Padmé's clothes into a suitcase while Padmé gave the twins their bottles.

"No, Anakin!" she wailed as she saw what he was doing. "You have to fold them."

"How was I supposed to know?" replied Anakin, dumping out the contents of the suitcase and starting over. "We Jedi only use wrinkle-free fabrics."

"Whatever," said Padmé. "Why don't you just leave the clothes to me, okay?"

"Whatever you say."

Anakin continued packing as Padmé tended the babies; he managed to find a fluffy white bathrobe to wear in lieu of his missing tunic. By the time the packing was done, there was barely room to move amid all of the luggage.

Anakin stared at the heap in disbelief. "How long were we here for, like a week? Why did you bring so much crap?"

Padmé shrugged. "You never know what you're going to need."

Anakin held up a bowling ball that had gotten left behind in the packing process. "And when exactly were you planning on needing this?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, quit complaining," said Padmé. "It's not like you have to move it all by yourself."

This was news to Anakin. "I don't?"

"Of course not. I recruited some help."

"What sort of help?" wondered Anakin.

"The Jedi Council."

"What?" Anakin exclaimed. "How did you manage that?"

"Simple," Padmé said. "The image of Master Yoda passed out drunk on our bed is permanently burned into my memory- all I had to do was mention it to him."

"You're blackmailing Yoda?" said Anakin in disbelief.

"It's not really blackmail," Padmé argued. "He's just being friendly and helping us out… with a little extra incentive, that's all."

Anakin was shocked and impressed by his wife's daring. "I've been a bad influence on you," he observed.

* * *

"Last one," Anakin announced, carrying a large box into the apartment. He suddenly let go of it, but the box remained aloft. "Look, no hands!" 

"Anakin," scolded Obi-Wan, looking up from the crib he was trying to assemble. "How many times do I have to tell you, the Force is not a toy?"

"You can tell me all you want, but I don't have to do anything about it. You're not my master anymore," Anakin reminded him. He moved his hand slightly and the box began spinning rapidly. "Whoops! Sorry, Yoda."

Anakin had allowed the box to float a little too low, and it had almost taken the head off of the diminutive Jedi Master. Yoda did not reply, but muttered something about a careless showoff under his breath.

"This is useless," Obi-Wan declared, staring in bafflement at the crib pieces that were scattered on the floor in front of him.

"I'll help," offered Anakin. "I'm good at fixing things. Always was. But I couldn't-"

"Yeah, we know," Obi-Wan interrupted. "Nice outfit, by the way," he commented, referring to Anakin's bathrobe.

Anakin reddened in embarrassment. "I couldn't find any of my shirts," he explained apologetically.

"Did you try that box?" asked Obi-Wan, indicating a container labeled "Anakin's Tunics."

"Oh." Anakin opened the box and quickly changed out of the bathrobe, then returned to help Obi-Wan with the crib.

"This is useless," Anakin announced after unsuccessfully attempting to assemble it for several minutes.

"What do you mean?" asked Padmé, who had come over to check on their progress.

"I mean, there is no way that these parts could possibly be assembled to make a crib," Anakin explained.

"Well, what do the instructions say?" Padmé wondered.

"Instructions?" Anakin repeated blankly.

Padmé rolled her eyes and handed him the instruction booklet.

"Men."

* * *

I love Star Wars so much! Oh my gosh! I know this story is kind of making fun of it, but only becauseit's soawesome.Episode III is like my favorite movie of all time... Thank you, thank you, thank you, etc., etc., ad infinitum to everyone who has reviewed! I haven't really been inspired to write any other stories quite like this one, but I did have an idea for another story ina similar- but more random- style,which I will work on if I ever get the chance. In the meantime, please keep reading and reviewing! Thanks! -Luna, rabid fangirl and official Star Wars geek 


	25. Take Me out to the Ballgame

"I wish we would have sprung for the Jacuzzi," said Anakin as he and Padmé inspected the refurbished apartment. The majority of their belongings were unpacked and put away, the Jedi Council had long since gone, and the babies were sound asleep in their crib. The lights of Coruscant's skyline twinkled like stars in the night sky.

"Maybe I can make it up to you," Padmé replied, giving him a come-hither look.

All thoughts of the apartment's shortcomings immediately flew out of Anakin's head. "What did you have in mind?" he wondered.

Padmé threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.

"Yeah, okay, that works for me," said Anakin breathlessly. He returned the kiss and embraced Padmé tightly, sweeping her off her feet.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late, guys," apologized Anakin, rushing into the Jedi Council chamber the next morning. The other members of the Council were already there; they had apparently begun the meeting without him. "I overslept," he explained. "All of that packing and unpacking really takes it out of you." 

"I've had enough of your pathetic excuses," said Mace Windu. "This is the second time, you know."

"Yeah. Oops." Anakin shrugged. "I'm glad to see that you're recovering, by the way," he added, noting with satisfaction that Mace's face was still marked by several dark purplish bruises.

Mace made no reply except to glare angrily. Someday he would have his revenge…

"We were just discussing our strategy for the Master-Padawan softball game," Obi-Wan filled Anakin in. "Are you coming?"

"When is it?"

"Tomorrow."

"And I get to play on the Masters' team, right?"

"Duh."

"I'll be there," Anakin confirmed. "I can't resist an opportunity to beat up on the younglings."

"Softball is not a contact sport, Anakin," Obi-Wan pointed out.

"I know," Anakin informed him. "I meant beat them at the game."

Obi-Wan regarded him skeptically. "Sure…"

"If no further business there is, adjourned, the meeting is," said Yoda.

"Hey, wait, I didn't get to hear the strategy," Anakin protested as the others got up to leave. "Come on, guys, just tell me. Guys?"

Everyone else was already gone.

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and sunny on Coruscant. Fluffy white clouds dotted the blue sky, and birds chirped cheerfully in the Jedi Temple gardens. It was a perfect day for softball. 

A buzz of excitement surrounded the softball diamond as spectators began to fill the stands in the early afternoon; the Jedi softball game was the social event of the summer. Rumor had it that even Supreme Chancellor Organa would be in attendance…

"Good luck, Anakin," said Padmé, giving him a quick peck on the cheek as they stood outside the Masters' locker room. Anakin tuned his head to give her a more substantial kiss, but they were interrupted when the locker room door opened and Obi-Wan stepped out.

"Geez, guys, would you give it a rest?" said Obi-Wan.

"What do you want?" demanded Anakin.

"Your wife," Obi-Wan replied. "To talk to her, I mean," he hastily explained, seeing the look on Anakin's face.

"About what?" wondered Padmé.

"We forgot to get someone to announce the game," Obi-Wan confessed. "You wouldn't be interested, would you?"

Padmé hesitated. "I don't really know anything about softball…"

"Help me, Padmé Amidala," Obi-Wan begged. "You're my only hope."

"Oh, alright," she agreed. "But there had better be money involved."

"Well, not exactly," admitted Obi-Wan. "You will have my undying gratitude and affection, though."

Padmé raised an eyebrow. "Um…no thanks."

"How about if I promise to never hit on you again," tried Obi-Wan in desperation.

"Deal," said Padmé quickly. "Which way to the announcer's box?"

* * *

"Good afternoon, softball fans," Padmé's voice boomed over the loudspeakers as the teams warmed up on the field below. "What a great day for a ballgame! Today the Jedi apprentices' team, the Padawan Pulverizers, will be taking on their Masters, the, um, Butterflies." 

The audience clapped enthusiastically as the two teams took prepared to begin. The Padawans were up to bat first, and there was some confusion among the Masters regarding their positions.

"But I don't want to be catcher!" complained Anakin to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "You were late for the meeting, remember? And besides, I'm not in charge- you'll have to take it up with Master Yoda."

Yoda, however, was already jogging to the outfield to take his position at left center.

Anakin sighed. "Fine, I'll do it. But I won't like it," he said stubbornly.

"I would expect nothing else," replied Obi-Wan as he moved towards his position at first base. He had fought long and hard with Mace Windu over the position of pitcher, but Obi-Wan was not as comfortable with physical confrontations as Anakin was, so Mace won out in the end.

Once both teams appeared ready, Padmé's voice was heard over the loudspeakers once again.

"Let's play ball!"

* * *

What's this? I posted two days in a row? Call the local news team! Call the National Enquirer! Call the President, for goodness' sake! Thank you everybody for your reviews- your awesomeness is beyond measure. Um, don't panic if I don't post again for about a week; I have a friend coming to visit from out-of-state, and also on the 16th there is an event of major literary significance that will have my full and undivided attention for about a day or so. (Yes, that would be the day that the new Harry Potter book comes out...) Please have patience! Thanks! -Luna 


	26. Perfect Pitch

"Ball four!" shouted the umpire.

A groan went up from the stands as the Padawan jogged to first base; it was Mace Windu's third walk in a row. There was a break in the action as Anakin ran out to the pitcher's mound.

"The Butterflies' catcher has called for a time out," Padmé announced. "Isn't he gorgeous, by the way? Well, you can't tell with the mask, of course, but trust me."

Down on the field, Anakin was venting his frustration with Mace. "Would you please stop aiming for my head?" he asked.

Mace's eyes widened in feigned innocence. "I wasn't-"

"Yeah, you were," Anakin interrupted. "And if you don't knock it off, we're going to get beat by a bunch of freakin' twelve-year-olds."

"Which would be a small price to pay for sending you to the hospital with a softball-sized lump on your head," replied Mace, dropping his innocent act.

Anakin decided that it was time to resort to threats and intimidation. "If you hit my head with that softball," he hissed menacingly, "I swear, I will break every bone in your body. Twice," he added for effect.

Mace swallowed hard; obviously, Anakin had made him uncomfortable. "Alrighty, then," he said nervously.

"Now, would you please just throw some strikes?" suggested Anakin, resuming his position behind the plate.

The next batter stepped into the box, and Mace released a pitch.

"Strike one!" the umpire yelled, and the crowd went wild.

Three strike-outs later, the Masters were up to bat.

"Well, it's the bottom of the first," Padmé's voice came over the loudspeakers, "and amazingly, not one of the Padawan Pulverizers was able to make contact with a pitch. We can only hope that the Butterflies-" here she snickered in spite of herself- "have better luck. Oh, would you hush for one second?" said Padmé as the twins began to cry. She stuck a bottle in each of their mouths and pressed on. "First up for the Butterflies is Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yes, folks, that is his real name."

Obi-Wan stepped up to the plate as the other Masters cheered him on from the bench.

"You're the one, Obi-Wan, you're the one!" they chanted.

Obi-Wan made two unsuccessful attempts at bunting, but connected on his third attempt. Unfortunately, thanks to the pitcher's lightning-quick reflexes, Obi-Wan was thrown out at first base.

"Better luck next time, Obi-Wan," announced Padmé. "Maybe you would have made it if you spent more time practicing your softball skills instead of flirting with married women."

Obi-Wan hung his head in shame and embarrassment as he trudged back to the dugout.

"Next up is Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker," Padmé's running commentary continued. "What a stud! You'd better back up, outfielders..."

Sure enough, Anakin blasted the first pitch into deep left field. The left-fielder hustled to get underneath the ball, and would have caught it easily if the ball had kept falling. Instead, it came to an abrupt halt, floating in the air just out of the Padawan's reach. Anakin bolted for first, and when the left-fielder took his eye off the ball for a moment, it dropped to the ground right in front of him. Anakin managed to stretch the hit into a double.

"Good one, honey!" Padmé exclaimed over the loudspeakers. There were cried of protest and Force abuse from both the audience and the Padawans, but play continued.

Mace Windu was up to bat next; he hit a line drive that would have taken out the pitcher or Anakin if one of them hadn't had Jedi reflexes. Both managed to dodge the ball, which rolled harmlessly into the outfield grass. It was a solid base hit, and Anakin advanced to third.

"Batting clean-up for the Butterflies, Master Yoda," Padmé announced.

Yoda shuffled up to the plate and gripped his miniature bat firmly, looking the pitcher square in the eye. A few spectators chuckled, but they were quickly hushed by more knowledgeable fans. The first pitch sailed at least a foot over Yoda's head.

"Ball one!" shouted the umpire.

The pitcher took a deep breath and released a pitch. This one hit the ground halfway to home and simply rolled across the plate for another ball.

"Something I can hit, give me," Yoda taunted the frustrated Padawan.

"I'm trying!" the boy replied.

"Do or do not," Yoda admonished, "there is no try."

The next pitch was perfect. Yoda swung with all his might and connected solidly. The crowd watched in amazement as the ball soared through the air and over the fence.

"Going, going, gone!" announced Padmé. "Home run!"

The Padawans were frozen in shock and disbelief. The entire Masters' team ran out to home plate to congratulate Yoda when he finished rounding the bases, while the crowd roared appreciatively.

The rest of the game was fairly uneventful, apart from Anakin charging the mound when he was hit by a pitch in the bottom of the third inning and a seemingly gravity-defying catch by Yoda at the top of the seventh. The final score was 17-3 in favor of the Masters.

When it was over, Padmé went back down to the locker room to meet Anakin.

"Congratulations, darling!" she exclaimed as Anakin emerged, freshly showered and changed.

"You too," replied Anakin, wrapping his arms around her.

"Yeah, I'm thinking about becoming a sports announcer," Padmé told him.

"Really?" asked Anakin in surprise.

Padmé laughed. He could be so gullible sometimes...

"No," she assured him, leaning in for a kiss.

The locker room door swung open, and Obi-Wan came out.

"Honestly!" he exclaimed upon seeing Anakin and Padmé all over each other yet again. "Do you guys ever do anything else?"

"Dude, what do you want?" asked Anakin in irritation.

"We're having a party tonight to celebrate the win. Are you in?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Anakin confirmed.

"Padmé?" wondered Obi-Wan.

Padmé sighed. "It seems like you Jedi have a party every night."

"That's the general concept," Obi-Wan agreed.

Padmé suddenly realized that she couldn't remember the last time she had let her hair down. Perhaps it would be fun to just relax and cut loose for once...

"Oh, sure," she said. "Why not?"

* * *

Dear friends and loyal readers, thank you for your patience! I would be lost without you... Man, it's been forever! I will hopefully have another chapter ready to go tomorrow or early Monday; the long dry spell is over! Yes, I did read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in one night; yes, it was awesome; yes, I am operating on about two hours of sleep right now. Woo-hoo! Thank you, everyone, for your reviews, and please keep sending them in. Thanks! -Luna 


	27. Truth and Consequences

"Well?" Anakin prompted Obi-Wan, waiting impatiently for an answer. The two Jedi, along with several other Masters and Padmé, were sitting in a large booth at Womp-Rat Bulls-eye, a favorite Jedi hangout.

"I'm thinking," replied Obi-Wan.

"That's a first," quipped Padmé.

Obi-Wan chose to ignore her, stroking his beard thoughtfully as he weighed his options. "Dare," he said at last.

"I knew it!" Anakin exclaimed gleefully. "I have the perfect one..."

* * *

"Come what may! Come what may!" Obi-Wan belted at the top of his lungs, standing atop the table as the others laughed hysterically. "I will love you, until my dying day!" 

Obi-Wan quickly sat down as the other Jedi- and Padmé- clapped enthusiastically; the rest of the club patrons stared.

"Jedi business," Obi-Wan informed the crowd. "Go back to your drinks."

"That was a beautiful song, Obi-Wan," mocked Anakin as he pretended to wipe away a tear.

"Shut up," said a surly Obi-Wan. "You are never allowed to mention this again. Ever."

"Okay," Anakin agreed genially. "The hologram recording I made kind of speaks for itself, anyway," he added, revealing a small hologram recorder.

"Give me that!" demanded Obi-Wan, reaching across the table for the device.

"Not on your life," Anakin chuckled. He stowed the recorder safely inside his robe. "So, are you going to pick someone or what?"

"Oh, alright," said Obi-Wan, letting the matter drop for the moment. "I choose... Yoda."

"Hmm?" said Yoda when he had finished downing his third alcoholic beverage of the night.

"Truth or dare?"

* * *

"Pardon me, Chancellor," Yoda said to the hologram of Bail Organa that stood on the table before him. "Is your refrigerator running?" 

"I believe so," Bail replied, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Then go out and catch it, you had better!" exclaimed Yoda, making the other Jedi crack up.

"Are you feeling alright, Master Yoda?" Bail asked in concern.

"Master Yoda, I am not," said Yoda stiffly, panicking at being recognized.

"Yes, you are," Bail insisted. "Prank calls don't work with holograms, you know."

"Um, sorry, wrong number," Yoda replied, quickly terminating the call.

The other Jedi were laughing so hard by now that they had to wipe away tears and hold their aching sides. Only Padmé remained unamused.

"I'm sure that the Supreme Chancellor has better things to do than deal with Jedi practical jokes," she scolded the rest of the group.

"Not necessarily," Anakin disagreed. "After all, most people probably think that Jedi Masters have better things to do than sit around getting drunk and playing 'Truth or Dare,' but we don't."

Padmé laughed derisively. "That's the stupidest thing you have ever said."

Anakin begged to differ. "But what about-"

"Okay, one of the stupidest things you have ever said," she amended.

"I'll drink to that," said Obi-Wan. The Jedi raised their glasses in a toast to Anakin's stupidity.

"Oh, Yoda, you didn't pick someone for 'Truth or Dare,'" Obi-Wan reminded the small green Jedi Master.

"Hmm..." Yoda sized up everyone at the table before making a selection. "Padmé."

"I'm not playing," said Padmé firmly, eliciting cries of protest from the others at the table.

"You have to," Anakin attempted to persuade her. The icy stare she sent his way caused him to add a belated "Please?"

"No," Padmé said. "I'm not going to make a fool of myself in public."

"But that's the whole point!" Obi-Wan chimed in.

"And you don't have to pick the dare, you know," Anakin pointed out.

"Fine," said Padmé reluctantly. "Truth."

* * *

Padmé gasped. "Master Yoda!" 

"What?" the aged and wrinkled Jedi Master replied." Pick truth, you did. Answer the question, you must."

"I can't," she protested, blushing with embarrassment that Yoda would even ask such a thing. "I"ll take dare."

"Too late, it is," Yoda informed her with a chuckle.

"Can't you make an exception?" wondered Padmé. "Just for me?" She batted her eyelashes at him flirtatiously.

"Hmm..." said Yoda, his resolve weakening. "Alright, but only this once."

Anakin shook his head. "The eyelashes will get you every time," he advised Yoda.

Yoda, however, was still entranced by Padmé's charm and beauty. Eventually he snapped out of it and regarded Anakin. "Say something, did you?"

Anakin sighed. By now, he was used to the affect that Padmé had on other men, but it was still frustrating at times.

"Never mind."

* * *

"A few times I've been around that track, so it's not just gonna happen like that, 'cause I ain't no hollaback girl! I ain't no hollaback girl!" 

Padmé was standing on the table, channeling Gwen Stefani with all of her might as the Jedi cheered appreciatively. When the song was done, she resumed her seat and quickly finished off her drink in an attempt to dull her humiliation.

"Our kids are going to love seeing that someday," remarked Anakin, replacing the hologram recorder inside his robe.

"You did not!" exclaimed Padmé.

"Oh yes, I did," Anakin said with a grin.

Padmé jabbed her elbow into his ribs.

"I deserved that," Anakin admitted, wincing in pain.

"You know what I deserve? Another drink," said Padmé.

"That's my girl," replied Anakin, signaling the waitress. "You'd better be careful; you're starting to sound like a Jedi."

"I know," confessed Padmé. "Keep it down, would you?"

* * *

Yet another chapter finished... Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I love you all! And please keep sending in your reviews- am I starting to sound like a broken record? Am I starting to sound like a broken record? Ahem. Sorry about that... Thanks a lot for all of your support! Peace out! -Luna 


	28. Drunk and Disorderly

"What's a girl have to do to get a taxi around here?" Padmé complained in frustration. The party had ended a short while ago, and she and Anakin were waiting on the street outside the club.

"Um, there are no taxis on Coruscant," said Anakin, noting that Padmé seemed more than a little tipsy.

"Well, what are we standing here for then?" she wondered.

"Obi-Wan gave us a ride, remember?" Anakin explained patiently. "He must have forgotten where he parked."

As soon as Anakin had finished speaking, Obi-Wan came cruising towards them in a hot pink speeder.

"Sorry," Obi-Wan apologized, pulling to a stop, "I forgot where I parked."

Anakin gave Padmé an I-told-you-so look. She moved to jab him in the ribs, but in her drunken state she misjudged the distance and nearly toppled over; Anakin quickly offered a steadying hand.

"Are you sure you're sober enough to drive?" Padmé asked Obi-Wan as she staggered over to the speeder with Anakin's assistance.

"Better me than you," Obi-Wan replied. "It's all autopilot, anyway," he assured her.

The speeder took off again once Anakin and Padmé had climbed into the backseat.

"Okay, you two, no snogging in the speeder," said Obi-Wan.

"Yes, Dad," Anakin said sullenly, making Padmé giggle. He gave her a quick peck on the lips, unable to resist defying Obi-Wan's instructions. "I think I like you better when you're drunk," he told her.

"Why is that?" wondered Padmé, gazing at him intently.

"Because you laugh at my jokes," Anakin said. Padmé giggled again, but the sound was quickly stifled as Anakin kissed her passionately.

"Would you please knock it off?" exclaimed Obi-Wan, glancing over his shoulder to see what the commotion was. He sighed as he realized that they were paying no attention to him whatsoever.

"Why do I even try?"

* * *

"Ow!" wailed Padmé, waking up the next morning with an excruciating headache. 

Anakin yawned and stretched as he got out of bed. "Good morning to you, too," he replied with playful sarcasm.

"Don't talk so loud!" Padmé complained. "And would you please shut those curtains?"

Anakin complied, amused by Padmé's uncharacteristic crabbiness. "It's called a hangover," he informed her. "Don't tell me you've never had one before."

Padmé clutched her aching head. "I'm not telling you anything until you make it stop!"

"Sorry, no cure," said Anakin apologetically. He tossed her an ice pack that he had retrieved from the refrigerator. "This might help, though."

Padmé moaned and fell back in bed, covering her eyes with the ice pack.

"Well, I'm off to the Jedi Temple," said Anakin. "I'll be back soon!"

"I hate you for letting this happen to me!" Padmé yelled from bed.

Anakin grinned despite himself at Padmé's obvious misery; she was clearly not thinking straight. "I love you, too," he replied as he walked out the door.

* * *

"Exactly how is this supposed to make me a better Jedi?" wondered Anakin. Despite the fact that he was now a Jedi Master, the Council- on the insistence of Mace Windu- had required Anakin to continue his training with Obi-Wan. The exercise that they were currently working on had elicited strong protests from Anakin, but Obi-Wan's stubbornness won out in the end. 

"It will teach you patience and humility," instructed Obi-Wan.

"But I already have plenty of humility. And patience," Anakin replied. "And besides, this is taking too long."

"Look out, Anakin, here comes another one!" Obi-Wan warned.

Anakin saw that there was indeed another person- it happened to be a Padawan- coming through the lunch line in the Jedi Temple cafeteria.

"Would you like some green beans?" asked Anakin, his serving spoon poised for action.

The Padawan made a gagging sound and headed off towards the Jell-O. It was the final straw for Anakin.

"Yeah, well, the green beans don't like you, either!" he shouted, flinging a spoonful of the vegetable at the back of the Padawan's head. Fortunately, he missed, and the green beans landed harmlessly on the floor.

Obi-Wan shook his head hopelessly.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" announced Anakin, arriving back at the apartment several hours later. Padmé entered the room and greeted her husband with a hug. 

"I want to give the kids up for adoption," she told him.

Anakin was shocked; the idea had come out of nowhere. "Why?" he wondered.

"Because," explained Padmé, "they have not stopped crying all freakin' day!"

Anakin relaxed, knowing that Padmé was simply overreacting. "They probably just missed their dad," he replied, gently picking the twins up from their crib and rocking them back and forth. Sure enough, the crying stopped immediately. But before Padmé had a chance to express her eternal gratitude, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," sighed Padmé. She opened the door and a look of confusion crossed her face. "Um, can I help you?"

* * *

I love you all! Seriously, thank you TONS for all the reviews; I am overwhelmed! Hopefully this chapter showed a teensy bit more "crazy Padmé," and as to Yoda's Truth or Dare question, I will leave that up to your imaginations. Anyway, you keep doing what you're doing, and I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Okay? Okay. You guys rock! -Luna 


	29. Jedi in Love

"Is Obi-Wan Kenobi here?" inquired the figure at the door.

"No, he's not," Padmé replied brusquely. "And you are?"

"My name is Taun We," the tall, slender Kaminoan introduced herself. "Obi-Wan told me-"

"Yeah, well, he lied," interrupted Padmé. "It was nice talking to you," she added, about to shut the door in Taun We's face.

"Hang on," Anakin said, causing Padmé to pause. He seemed to remember hearing the name Taun We somewhere in Obi-Wan's description of his visit to Kamino...

"Did Obi-Wan tell you to come here?" he wondered.

"Yes," Taun We confirmed. "Do you know him?"

"Unfortunately," said Anakin. "But he definitely does not live here."

By now, Padmé had remembered her manners and assumed the roll of gracious host. "Why don't you come in and sit down?" she suggested. "We'll let Anakin sort this out."

"Thank you," said Taun We, seating herself on the couch. Padmé left the room to get drinks, and Anakin was sitting on the other couch, wearing the vacant stare of telepathic communication.

_Obi-Wan?_

_What do you want?_ came the irritated reply.

_Um, there's-_

_Actually, forget it. I don't care._

_But-_

_I'm not talking to you._

_Well, no, not technically_, Anakin agreed.

_Don't get technical with me, young man!_

Anakin sighed in frustration. _What is wrong with you?_

_What's wrong with me?_ Obi-Wan repeated incredulously. _Have you forgotten about the green bean incident already?_

_Oh. That._

_Yes, "that." And I'm ignoring you until I get an apology._

_You're stupid. _

_You're stupider._

_Ha! I thought you were ignoring me. _

_I am. Starting now. _

There was a long pause, which was finally broken by Anakin.

_Fine. I guess I'll just tell Taun We to go home, then. _

This got Obi-Wan's attention. _Who?_

_Some alien chick named Taun We. Do you know her? She says you told her to come to our apartment, which is weird..._

_So, she's there now?_ asked Obi-Wan.

_Yeppers,_ Anakin replied.

_Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place?_

_I tried to,_ Anakin reminded him. _You were the one who was all like, "I'm not talking to you."_

_Whatever. I'm on my way over._

_Um, do you want to explain this?_

_Can't now, gotta go. Bye! _Obi-Wan replied hurriedly.

Anakin's eyes regained their focus, and he saw that Taun We was watching him in fascination.

"Is he on drugs?" she asked Padmé.

Padmé laughed. "No. You aren't, are you?" she checked with Anakin, just to be safe. Sometimes she wondered...

A knock on the door pre-empted any reply Anakin might have had.

"I'll get it!"offered Anakin, jumping off the couch and racing across the room.

"What's the password?" he asked, opening the door and seeing Obi-Wan standing there.

Obi-Wan was not in the mood for games. "Don't make me kill you," he said with a glare.

Anakin opened the door wider. "It's 'monkeys,' by the way," he informed Obi-Wan as he walked inside, "the password."

Obi-Wan ignored him; he was already making his way over to the couch where Taun We was seated.

"Obi-Wan!" she exclaimed, standing to greet him.

"Taun We!" Obi-Wan returned the greeting.

They shared an awkward embrace- Taun We was nearly doubled over as she hugged Obi-Wan- then sat down next to each other.

"So," Anakin began conversationally, "do you want to tell us what's going on?"

"Not really," replied Obi-Wan. "Well, now that we've settled that, how about some tea?"

"Perhaps I should clarify," said Anakin. "Explain yourself, or I'm reporting you to the Jedi Council."

Everyone else gasped.

"You wouldn't," Obi-Wan challenged.

"Wanna bet?" said Anakin.

Obi-Wan squirmed. He had never been much of a gambler...

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Anakin said smugly. "So what's up?"

"Well..." Obi-Wan began with some difficulty. "Taun We and I...um...we, er..." He paused and looked at Taun We helplessly; she squeezed his hand in support, which seemed to give Obi-Wan the courage to continue.

"Taun We is my girlfriend," he said at last.

"What?" Anakin and Padmé exclaimed simultaneously.

"We sort of had a thing on Kamino," Obi-Wan explained, more comfortable now that the secret was out. "But I thought, you know, with me being a Jedi and everything... Seeing how happy you two are is what inspired me to invite her to Coruscant, actually."

"Wow, that's...great," said Padmé unconvincingly. "But why did you tell her to come to our apartment?"

"Well, it's not like I could have her showing up at the Jedi Temple, could I? 'Hi, guys, I'm here for the Council meeting. Oh, and by the way, I brought my girlfriend.' I thought that she could just hang out here, or with Padmé at the Senate, while Anakin and I are at work."

"And you didn't feel any need to inform us of this little plan?" wondered Anakin.

"I forgot," Obi-Wan admitted sheepishly.

"I didn't realize that Obi-Wan hadn't told you," said Taun We. "I could have easily found other accommodations."

"That's not necessary," said Padmé, anxious not to seem rude. "We'll be happy to have you."

"Thank you," replied Taun We graciously.

"This is temporary, right?" Anakin whispered to Padmé.

"I hope so," she said, watching in disgust as Obi-Wan and Taun We shared a brief kiss.

Anakin shuddered. "Now there's a disturbing sight."

* * *

Augh! Sorry this took so long! I was experiencing some technical difficulties; in other words, I was too tired/lazy to start this chapter last night and kept putting it off all day today, until finally it was like 8:30 tonight, at which point I was like "Omigosh! What am I gonna do?" But it's done, so be happy! Thank you, thank you, thank you, all of you wonderful people who reviewed. You rock! Now, I'm off to start the next chapter without delay... Ciao! -Luna 


	30. Crying Attack of the Clones

"Well, I'd better get back to the Temple," said Obi-Wan as the evening began to wind down. "I wouldn't want to arouse suspicion, you know."

Anakin snorted. "Who would suspect you of having a girlfriend? Even I wouldn't, if I wasn't an eyewitness. I mean, uh…" He quickly changed his tune upon receiving icy stares from everyone else in the room. "Perhaps you should head back. Better safe than sorry, as I always say," he added sagely.

It was Obi-Wan's turn to scoff. "You should talk, Mr. Kiss-my-secret-wife-in-broad-daylight-in-front-of-a-whole-bunch-of-people."

"Yeah, well, that turned out alright anyway, didn't it?" Anakin pointed out.

"It is getting rather late," said Padmé, attempting to head off any potential conflict.

Obi-Wan glanced out the window and saw that it was indeed well after sunset. "Right as usual, Padmé," he said, standing up to leave. "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome," said Padmé.

"Goodbye, Obi-Wan," said Taun We.

"Goodbye," Obi-Wan replied as he gave her one last hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He waved goodbye to the others and left.

"I hope this isn't too much of an inconvenience," Taun We said in concern.

"Not at all," Padmé assured her. "As long as you don't mind sleeping on the couch… Would you like to see the babies?" she wondered.

Taun We's eyes lit up. "You have children?"

"Did I forget to mention that? They're asleep now, but they're due to wake up crying any-"

Padmé was interrupted by the sound of sobbing from the other room, and let out a weary sigh.

"Would you like to help me feed them?" she asked Taun We.

"I would love to," Taun We affirmed.

"What about me?" wondered Anakin. Feeding Luke and Leia was generally one of his fatherly duties.

"You could help with the dishes," Padmé suggested, indicating the four empty glasses on the coffee table. "There are more in the kitchen."

"Um, no thanks," Anakin said as politely as he could. "Maybe I'll just-"

"Please?" said Padmé, batting her eyelashes.

Anakin saw it coming and tried to avert his eyes, but it was all in vain. "You are evil," he told her as he walked reluctantly towards the kitchen.

Padmé grinned. "Works every time."

* * *

"Well, we usually call them twins, not clones," explained Padmé as she and Taun We fed Luke and Leia from bottles, "but yes, that's the idea." 

Suddenly, they heard the sound of breaking glass coming from the kitchen, followed shortly by an outburst from Anakin.

"Oh, shoot!" he exclaimed.

"Did you break another one?" yelled Padmé.

"Maybe," Anakin shouted back evasively.

"Gosh darn it, Ani, that's the third time tonight!" Padmé replied in frustration.

"Sorry!" apologized Anakin. "I'm almost done."

Padmé sighed, and Taun We smiled sympathetically. Anakin joined them a moment later.

"Finished," he announced. "What did I miss?"

"Oh, nothing much," said Padmé. "I was just telling Taun We what a great husband you are: always helping out around the house, offering to change the babies' diapers, that sort of thing."

"Hey, I'm not that bad!" Anakin protested.

"Right. That's what I'm saying," said Padmé.

Anakin didn't buy it. "I know when I'm being mocked," he told her.

Padmé let out a short laugh. "Since when?"

* * *

It wasn't until some time later that Anakin and Padmé were finally able to retire. The twins had fallen back asleep, and Taun We was dozing peacefully out on the couch, which had been converted to a makeshift bed. 

"I'm exhausted," Anakin yawned as he crawled under the covers next to Padmé.

"That's too bad," she said, looking at him suggestively.

"But, um, well…" Anakin's words were cut short as Padmé gave him a passionate kiss.

* * *

Augh! Shortness! Sorry about that, but you know how it is. I should be able to post one more (longer) chapter tomorrow, then I will be gone at camp for a week, cut off from all forms off communication except for the primitive smoke signals used by early Native Americans. So instead of wallowing in misery about not having a new chapter to read every day, just think of me trying to create fire by rubbing two sticks together and laugh your head off...As always, an enormous humungous gigantic thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Yourock! AndI am sorry if the Obi-Wan/Taun We relationship has caused undue trauma and/or nightmares;it was just an inspiration I had. Anyway, you know what to do now- it starts with an "r" and rhymes with" eview." Au revoir! -Luna 


	31. Over the Rainbow

Anakin and Padmé were awakened the next morning by a knock on the door.

"Maybe if we ignore it, they'll go away," said Anakin groggily.

"If I ignore you, will you go away?" Padmé asked playfully.

"Oh, that was a cold prickly," replied Anakin.

"I was kidding," said Padmé, reassuring him with a kiss.

The knocking grew more insistent, until finally Anakin got out of bed to see who would be visiting so early in the day.

"Obi-Wan?" he said in surprise as he opened the door. "But I'm not even late yet!"

"Training is canceled for today, Anakin," Obi-Wan informed him. "Although I'm supposed to teach a class of younglings this afternoon- you wouldn't mind covering for me, would you?"

"What's going on?" Anakin asked suspiciously, but Obi-Wan did not have a chance to explain.

"I'm ready, Obi," announced Taun We, sweeping past Anakin to greet Obi-Wan.

"Obi?" Anakin repeated with silent laughter.

"Great," said Obi-Wan in response to Taun We, ignoring Anakin's teasing. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

They exited the apartment hand-in-hand, and the door swung shut behind them.

"What just happened?" wondered Padmé as she emerged from the bedroom.

Anakin blinked in shock. "I have no idea."

* * *

"It sounds like a date to me," Padmé suggested. Anakin had explained the bizarre encounter between himself, Obi-Wan, and Taun We to Padmé over breakfast. 

Anakin shook his head. "I don't think so. Everyone knows that Obi-Wan is gay."

"What?" exclaimed Padmé.

"Okay, so not everyone knows."

"But if he's gay, why is he always making passes at me?" Padmé wondered.

Anakin shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe he just wanted to make me jealous."

"Why would you be jealous if you know he's gay?"

"Um, well…that's beside the point," said Anakin, ashamed that he had not seen the flaw in his own logic.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Positive," Anakin confirmed. "I thought you would have noticed; Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were together when you met them."

"Yeah, I did kind of wonder about that…" admitted Padmé. "Hang on, isn't Qui-Gon your dad?"

"Supposedly," replied Anakin, filing away the question in his mind in case Qui-Gon ever showed up again, "but he and Obi-Wan definitely had a thing. After Qui-Gon died, it was Obi-Wan and Mace for a while, but that ended rather badly."

"Mace too?" said Padmé in awe.

"Duh. Just look at his lightsaber," Anakin pointed out.

"Oh…" said Padmé. Suddenlyher picture of Master Windu became a lot clearer... "So then what's the deal with Obi-Wan and Taun We?"

"Beats me," Anakin confessed. "He could be using her as a cover or something."

Padmé looked at Anakin suspiciously. "Has that sort of thing happened before?"

"Hey, I'm not gay," Anakin said defensively. "Are you kidding?"

"Are you?" Padmé shot back.

"This is ridiculous," sighed Anakin.

"Maybe," replied Padmé. "Maybe not. What color is this dress?" she demanded.

Anakin regarded her outfit. "Um, orange?" he answered uncertainly.

"Salmon," Padmé corrected him, satisfied for the moment. "So what should we do about Obi-Wan?"

"Well, blackmail is always an option," suggested Anakin.

"Or we could just talk to him about it."

"But that's boring!" complained Anakin.

"And yet amazingly effective," countered Padmé with a hint of sarcasm.

"Well, either way, I wouldn't want to be Obi-Wan right now." Anakin paused. "Or ever, actually."

* * *

"Where is Master Kenobi?" a small, innocent-looking Padawan wondered as Anakin walked into the younglings' classroom. 

"He had a hot date," Anakin explained. "I mean, uh, he's sick," he quickly corrected himself.

The room immediately burst into chatter.

"Sick with what?"

"Is it contagious?"

"I was sick once…"

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"Alright, you little twerps, listen up," Anakin interrupted harshly. The younglings fell silent. "I will be your teacher today; you may address me as Master Skywalker or, if you prefer, Big Daddy Jedi. Any questions?"

One brave Padawan raised her hand. "What's your favorite color?"

"Periwinkle, but that's not important," said Anakin dismissively. "Does anyone have a relevant question?"

"What does 'relevant' mean?" asked another curious youngling.

"Um…never mind," said Anakin. "Anyone else? Good. Okay, class, today we're going on a field trip-"

The room erupted in cheers.

"-to the Temple gardens," Anakin finished.

The cheers quickly turned into groans once the Padawans heard their unremarkable destination.

"That's boring!"

"I've already been there like a zillion times."

"Can we go get ice cream instead?"

"I still have to go to the bathroom!"

"Oh, for the love of- Would you all just shut up?" Anakin exclaimed. A hush fell over the room. "That's better. Now, line up behind me and we'll get this show on the road. And would you please stop pulling each other's braids?" he scolded two rather hyperactive younglings, who promptly stuck their tongues out at him.

Anakin sighed. "Obi-Wan so owes me for this."

* * *

"Okay, guys, pay attention!" said Anakin as they arrived at the gardens. 

"I'm not a guy!" protested one bold female Padawan.

"Whatever," said Anakin. "Here's your assignment: everyone has to find one thing in the garden that shows you something about the Force, and be able to explain when we get back inside."

The younglings scattered and began searching enthusiastically along the garden paths. Two mischievous boys- the same pair who had been responsible for the braid-pulling incident earlier- began prodding a beehive with sticks.

"Um, I really don't think you should-" Anakin tried to warn them, but it was too late. The beehive fell to the ground and broke apart, and the bees began swarming the unfortunate Padawans.

"Master Skywalker, what are we going to do?" cried one of the boys in distress, flailing his arms in a desperate attempt to keep from being stung. "There are too many of them!"

"Okay, um, don't panic," Anakin advised, on the verge of panic himself.

The boys had drawn their small training lightsabers and were now making a valiant effort at fending off the angry bees.

"Wait, I'm a Jedi!" said Anakin in a flash of inspiration. He stretched out his hand, using the Force to calm the swarming bees. They flew away moments later, leaving the two boys sobbing and covered with stings.

Into the midst of this chaos came Master Yoda, who had been meditating in another part of the Garden.

"What happened?" he asked Anakin.

Anakin reddened with embarrassment. "There was a little bit of an accident," he admitted.

Yoda chuckled throatily. "See that, I do. But thought Master Kenobi taught this class, I did," he added.

"He's sick," replied Anakin.

"Hmm," said Yoda, not entirely convinced. "Take those younglings to the Healers, you should. Watch over the others, I will."

"Thanks, Master Yoda," said Anakin in relief. He took the two bee-sting victims by the hand and led them back into the Temple as Yoda stared after him with a frown.

"Hmm…"

* * *

Ta-da! One new chapter, as promised. A huge thank-you to everyone who has reviewed; you guys rock! The soonest the next chapter will be up is next Thursday. I'm really sorry!(On thebright side, it will give you a chance to practice the Jedi virtue of patience...)In the meantime, why don't you send in a review? Thanks, and so long for now! -Luna 


	32. Breaking Up is Hard to Do

"What could possibly be taking them so long?" wondered Padmé as she paced back and forth in her apartment anxiously.

Anakin, meanwhile, was seated calmly on the couch watching her. "Just be patient," he advised her. "They'll get here sooner or later.

Padmé stopped in her tracks and stared at him. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked.

"Well, I am getting a little dizzy from all of your pacing," Anakin replied.

Padmé got the message and sat down reluctantly. "Where could they be?" she said with a sigh.

Anakin shrugged. "Probably getting wasted," he suggested.

"Yeah, I bet that's it," said Padmé sarcastically.

"Hey, it's Obi-Wan," Anakin reminded her.

"True…" Padmé admitted. "Wait a minute, why don't you just do that talking-in-each-other's-heads Jedi thingy?"

"Why don't you?" said Anakin.

"Oh yeah, I forgot!" Padmé replied excitedly. She closed her eyes and exhaled deeply, preparing to enter the telepathic communication zone.

_Obi-Wan?_

_Anakin?_ came the reply. _You sound like a girl!_

_It's Padmé, _thought Padmé. She could hear the surprise in Obi-Wan's response.

_Padmé? How-_

_I'll tell you later,_ she interrupted impatiently. _Where are you?_

_Taun We and I are on our way back to your place,_ explained Obi-Wan.

_Good. Hurry up._

_Am I in trouble?_

_That depends. _

_Depends on what?_

_How good your manners are._

_O…kay…_

_Just get here as soon as possible._

_Aye aye, captain!_

_Very funny._

_You really think so?_ Obi-Wan replied hopefully.

_No. Goodbye._

Padmé's eyes snapped open. "He's coming," she informed Anakin.

"Oh," he said unenthusiastically. "Um, what exactly is the plan?"

"We have to make him tell Taun We that he's gay," said Padmé.

"Whoa, 'we'?" Anakin repeated. "You're the diplomat, you talk to him."

"I'll try," Padmé agreed. "But if that doesn't work…"

"What am I supposed to do?" Anakin asked helplessly.

"You're a Jedi- use the Force," Padmé answered. "Or, you know, threaten to cut off his head or something."

Anakin's eyes lit up in excitement. "Can I cut off his head?"

"Anakin!" Padmé scolded. There was a knock on the door. "Just please try to behave yourself," she pleaded as she answered the door.

"Hi guys," Padmé greeted Obi-Wan and Taun We pleasantly. "Please come in."

* * *

"So what exactly did you want to talk about?" wondered Obi-Wan after half an hour of small talk. "I got the feeling that it was rather urgent." 

"Um, not really," said Padmé. "Anakin, darling, why don't you go check on Luke and Leia?"

"Can I come?" wondered Taun We. "I love babies."

"Sure," said Anakin. He led her into the twins' room.

"Aww, they're so precious!" cooed Taun We, gazing adoringly at the sleeping infants.

"Yeah, until they barf on you," Anakin told her. "Hey, wanna see a Jedi trick?"

"That's okay, Obi-Wan already showed me-"

Anakin interrupted with a laugh. "Obi-Wan is nothing compared to me. I'm the Chosen One, you know."

Taun We frowned in confusion. "I thought that was Harry Potter…"

"Whatever," Anakin replied with a shrug. "Check this out."

He stretched out his hand towards a small silver ball that was resting on the windowsill, and it sailed gently through the air, stopping inches in front of Anakin's hand and hovering there.

"Wow, that's…special…" said Taun We uncertainly.

"What's going on?" asked Padmé as she entered the room. Anakin lost concentration and the ball fell to the floor.

"Oh, is he showing off the floaty ball through the air trick?" Padmé asked Taun We. "Yeah, I wasn't that impressed either."

"You weren't?" said a crestfallen Anakin. "What about that time with the fruit?"

"Not so much," Padmé confessed. "Why do you think I was laughing?"

"Was there a reason you came in here?" Anakin asked in annoyance.

"Oh yeah, you guys can come back now," Padmé said. "Obi-Wan won't budge."

"What are you talking about?" wondered Taun We.

"You'll see," Padmé told her. She tried to reach up and pat the other woman on the shoulder as a comforting gesture, but eventually gave up and settled for the middle of her back.

They arrived at the living room and found Obi-Wan amusing himself with a bowl of decorative fruit that adorned the coffee table.

"Hey guys, watch this," he said enthusiastically. He selected three pieces of fruit and began to juggle them, but a moment later they all crashed to the floor and rolled away.

"Crap!" exclaimed Obi-Wan. "I'm still working on it," he explained.

"I thought it was wonderful," Taun We said supportively as they all sat down.

Obi-Wan blushed. "Yeah, well…"

"Taun We, Obi-Wan has something he needs to tell you," Padmé supplied helpfully.

"No I don't," said Obi-Wan quickly.

"If you don't do it, I will," Anakin warned him. "And I'm pretty sure that my version is a lot more colorful."

Obi-Wan sat in silence for a moment as he weighed his options, but at last he began to speak. "Well, Taun We," he said slowly, wringing his hands nervously. "I…er…well, um…the thing is…I'm gay," confessed Obi-Wan.

"I know," replied Taun We calmly.

Obi-Wan blinked. "You do?"

"Of course," she told him. "You're one of the happiest people I know."

"No, you see," Obi-Wan said, leaning closer and whispering into her ear.

"Oh. Oh!" exclaimed Taun We when he had finished. "That does make things rather difficult."

"Yeah. Sorry," Obi-Wan apologized in embarrassment.

Taun We was at a loss. "But then why…?"

"Um, maybe we could discuss this later," suggested Obi-Wan. He looked pointedly at Anakin and Padmé, who were listening intently from the other couch.

"Okay," agreed Taun We, still showing no hint of emotion.

"You're welcome to stay with us for as long as you like," offered Padmé.

"Thank you," said Taun We. "I think I would just like to sleep right now."

"It's been a long day," Padmé confirmed. "We could all use some rest."

"I should go now," said Obi-Wan. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure," replied Taun We, watching as he turned and walked out the door.

* * *

"Here are some pillows and blankets," said Anakin, helping Taun We make up her bed on the couch. She had not moved since Obi-Wan had gone, and Anakin thought that he heard her sniffling. 

"Um, are you okay?" he asked.

Taun We looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "I thought he l-loved me!" she wailed, crying freely now.

Anakin couldn't handle it. "Padmé!" he shouted, and she hurried into the room.

"What's the matter?" Padmé wondered.

Anakin gestured helplessly towards the sobbing figure on the couch. "This is just way too much emotional crap for me," he said. "You handle it; I'm going to bed."

"Okay," said Padmé in resignation. "I'll be there in a little while."

* * *

It was actually a good hour before Taun We had calmed down enough to fall asleep, and Anakin was snoring loudly by the time Padmé came into the bedroom. 

"Ouch!" she cried, stubbing her toe on the bedpost in the dark.

"Whuzzat?" said Anakin, waking up with a jolt. "Oh, it's you," he realized happily. "How is Taun We?"

"I'm sure she's been better," Padmé replied as she crawled into bed and Anakin wrapped his arms around her. "I love you," she told him.

Anakin kissed her sweetly. "I love pepperoni pizza," he said. "I mean, I love you too."

He kissed her again, and Padmé did not protest.

* * *

At last! Sorry it took so long, but it is still Thursday, so technically I did live up to my promise... Thank youto everyone who submitted reviews! I love you all! Camp was awesome and fun and I loved it, but now I am home so I should be able to get back to my regular posting schedule. About themushiness: I always try to find a good balanceof humor and other stuff, and your comments really help in that department. About Mace Windu: Every story needs a villain, right? Mace just drew the short straw in this case.I really really like hearing what you have to say about my story/Star Wars in general/whatever random thing you feel like talking about, so please review! Thanks! -Luna 


	33. Padawans and Pranks

"Alright everyone, find your seats," Anakin instructed the roomful of chattering Padawans. Groans filled the air as the younglings grudgingly obeyed.

"Not you again!"

"I got fifty bee stings yesterday!"

"When is Master Kenobi coming back?"

"Look, a mouse!"

This last exclamation caused a slight commotion as the Padawans scrambled up onto their desks, squealing in terror and excitement.

"Get it, Master Skywalker!" one terrified boy pleaded.

Anakin drew his lightsaber and chased the mouse towards its hole, killing it just before it could reach safely. Unfortunately, his lightsaber also left a large black singe mark on the wall.

"Oops," said Anakin, inspecting the damage his weapon had done. "If anyone asks, I'm blaming this on you guys."

The Padawans glared at him maliciously.

"Hey, I'm a better teacher than Obi-Wan," Anakin protested. "I was doing fine yesterday, before the bee incident..."

"Are you going to teach us or what?" one girl demanded impatiently.

"I'm getting to that," Anakin replied. "Let's see...have you ever heard the story of Darth Plagus the Wise? No, never mind-"

"Tell us!" begged the younglings. "Please?"

Anakin shifted uncomfortably; he could imagine the looks on the faces of the Jedi Council members if they found out that he had taught a Sith legend to a class of six-year-olds...

"Who wants to play 'Duck, Duck, Goose'?" he asked.

The Padawans cheered and scrambled to sit in a circle on the floor. They had been playing for several minutes when the game was interrupted by an unexpected visitor.

"Hmm, hmm." Yoda cleared his throat, and everyone froze. "Glad to see you are being productive, I am," he scolded. "Sick again, is Master Kenobi?"

"Yes, Master," Anakin replied shamefacedly. "He has tuberculosis. Or something."

"Hmm," said Yoda, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Discuss this later, we will."

"Yes, Master," Anakin replied with a bow.

"Do you want to play 'Duck, Duck, Goose' with us, Master Yoda?" one Padawan piped up.

"Find your seats, younglings," said Yoda. "Over, game time is."

Yoda signaled to Anakin that he was free to go, and turned his attention to the class. Anakin quickly left the room, nearly running into someone as he turned the corner to walk down the hall.

"Geez, Anakin!" exclaimed Obi-Wan. "Would you please watch where you're going?"

"What are you doing here?" Anakin wondered.

"Well, I am a Jedi, and this is the Jedi Temple," Obi-Wan replied as they began strolling through the corridor. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be teaching my class?"

"Yoda took over," Anakin informed him. "I think he knows that something's up."

"What did you tell him?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Oh, nothing," Anakin replied innocently. "But if you happen to see him, it wouldn't hurt to act like you have tuberculosis."

"Tuberculosis?" Obi-Wan repeated incredulously. "Good one. Is there some sort of rule that says having a high midi-chlorian count makes you retarded?"

Anakin was fed up with Obi-Wan's wisecracks. "You wanna go?" he challenged.

"Bring it!" Obi-Wan said.

"Oh, it's already been broughten!"

Obi-Wan giggled.

"What?" wondered Anakin. "You don't think I can take you?"

"Well..." Obi-Wan hesitated.

Suddenly, Anakin stuck his foot directly in Obi-Wan's path, causing him to trip and fall flat on his face.

"Boo-ya!" said Anakin. "What now, punk?"

Obi-Wan stood up and calmly dusted himself off. "It's alright," he said. "I can be the bigger person."

"Um, actually, I'm like six inches taller than you," Anakin corrected him.

"No-" Obi-Wan began to explain, but then decided that it was useless. "Forget it."

"So how did it go with Taun We?" Anakin wondered.

"Not as bad as I thought it would," said Obi-Wan. "She's on her way back to Kamino now."

"Finally," Anakin said in relief. "She kind of freaked me out."

Obi-Wan nodded in agreement. "It's the eyes."

Anakin was about to speak again when he spotted a familiar figure prowling in the hallway.

"Oh no, it's Mace," he whispered to Obi-Wan. "Hide!"

The two Jedi took cover behind a large golden statue as Mace stalked past.

"I have an idea," Anakin said with a snicker. "You go distract him."

"What are you smoking?" wondered Obi-Wan.

"Nothing," Anakin replied without batting an eye. "Just trust me," he added, giving Obi-Wan an encouraging shove.

"Mace!" Obi-Wan called, racing to catch up with him.

Mace paused. "What do you want?" he demanded.

"Umm...I have a question," said Obi-Wan, looking over Mace's shoulder at Anakin, who was stealthily creeping towards them. "How do you get your head to be so shiny?"

Mace eyed him suspiciously. "Why do you care?"

"Well..." Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin, who was giving him a thumbs-up. "I don't, actually. See you later!"

Mace walked away with a slightly confused look on his face. This gave Obi-Wan a chance to see the "Kick Me" sign that Anakin had taped to Mace's back, which caused both Anakin and Obi-Wan to burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked Mace, spinning to face them.

Obi-Wan and Anakin both tried to stifle their laughs; it was Obi-Wan who finally regained his composure enough to speak.

"Nothing," he said, attempting to hide his grin.

"Freaks," muttered Mace as he walked off once more.

* * *

Augh! Again with the lateness! I apologize profusely, really I do... Thank you, everyone, for your reviews! You rock my socks off! Well, you would, if I were wearing socks. Never mind. Yes, the Skywalkers do have an abnormally long couch. You never know who might need to crash at your pad for the night... Please review! I will love you forever! -Luna 


	34. The Breakfast Club

"Good morning, Anakin," Padmé said brightly as she woke up the next morning.

"Good morning, love of my life," Anakin replied, unusually cheery for such an early hour.

Padmé eyed him suspiciously. "What do you want?"

"Aren't I allowed to shower my wife with affection whenever I choose?" wondered Anakin, getting out of bed and giving Padmé a warm hug.

"Well, I'm not complaining or anything..." said Padmé.

"I was thinking about going to the Jedi Temple for breakfast this morning," Anakin told her.

Padmé was slightly taken aback by the request. "Is my cooking not good enough for you?"

"It could use a little work," admitted Anakin. "I mean, um, it's wonderful," he quickly corrected himself. "I just want to make sure Obi-Wan is okay. You know, with the whole Taun We thing and all..."

"That's sweet," said Padmé, kissing him lightly on the cheek. "But why do you really want to go?"

"I want to see him crying like a little girl," Anakin confessed.

"Do you think he was that emotionally affected?" wondered Padmé.

Anakin shrugged. "Possibly."

"Gay men do tend to be rather emotional," Padmé agreed. "Then again, they also have better fashion sense, so I guess it all evens out."

"Yeah, I could never pass up the opportunity to see Obi-Wan acting like a blubbering idiot," Anakin replied. "Do you want to come?"

"No thanks," said Padmé. "The Senate isn't in session today, so I was planning on sitting on the couch and staring blankly at the wall for several hours."

"Suit yourself," said Anakin. "I'll be back later." He gave Padmé a final kiss and walked out the door.

* * *

"Come in!" Obi-Wan called as he heard a knock on the door of his Jedi Temple quarters. 

Anakin entered, and was shocked to see Obi-Wan standing there with only a towel around his waist.

"Geez, Obi-Wan!" Anakin exclaimed, shielding his eyes. "I thought you would at least be fully clothed."

"Sorry," Obi-Wan apologized, retreating to the other room. "I thought you were- well, never mind. What are you doing here?"

"I came for breakfast," Anakin informed him. "Are you ready to go?"

"Almost," replied Obi-Wan, returning a moment later clad in standard Jedi attire. "Shall we?"

Anakin opened the door and gestured for Obi-Wan to lead the way. "We shall."

* * *

"Could I have some bacon?" Obi-Wan asked the cafeteria lady politely. 

"Nope," the woman replied, slopping a pile of oatmeal onto Obi-Wan's tray.

"Please?" he added hopefully.

"No," the cafeteria lady repeated, growing impatient.

"You will give me bacon," said Obi-Wan, invoking the Forcewith a wave of his hand.

"We don't have any," came the extremely annoyed reply. "Now quit holding up the line."

Obi-Wan sighed in resignation as he searched the large cafeteria for Anakin. He spotted him at last, and sat down across the table from him.

"You look like crap," Anakin observed, noting the dark circles under Obi-Wan's eyes. "Are you alright?"

"I didn't sleep well last night," explained Obi-Wan.

"Nightmares?" said Anakin sympathetically.

"No, I just couldn't fall asleep," replied Obi-Wan.

"Oh," said Anakin.

"It felt like someone was watching me," Obi-Wan continued.

"Weird," Anakin replied. "How are you holding up with the Taun We situation, by the way?"

"Good," said Obi-Wan calmly.

"So you don't think you might, you know, burst into tears at any moment?" Anakin asked.

"No..." a very confused Obi-Wan replied.

Anakin's face fell in disappointment. "Gosh darn it."

* * *

"Okay, whose turn was it to bring snacks?" Anakin wondered as the Jedi Masters assembled for the Council meeting. 

"Oh, crap!" exclaimed Obi-Wan.

"Did you forget again?" Anakin asked rhetorically.

"No," Obi-Wan replied. "I just didn't remember."

The other Jedi Masters groaned.

"It figures," muttered Mace.

"Do you want to say that a little louder?" Obi-Wan challenged. "Because I'm about two seconds from beating your brains out."

Mace chuckled. "Don't make me laugh."

"I'm pretty sure I just did," Obi-Wan pointed out.

Yoda sensed that the situation was about to get out of hand and seized the opportunity to intervene.

"Settle down, you will," he instructed, continuing once everyone was quietly seated. "Knew Obi-Wan would forget, I did. Bring extra snacks, I did also."

"I love Krispy Kremes!" said Anakin as Yoda produced a large white box emblazoned with the Krispy Kreme logo. "You rock, Master Yoda!"

"I know," Yoda replied. "Start now, the meeting will."

Donuts in hand, the Jedi Masters were all business.

"Can I say something?"asked Mace.

"Is there any way we can stop you?" wondered Anakin.

Mace glared. "I would just like to tell whoever put that 'Kick Me' sign on my back yesterday that it was definitely not funny. I have bruises from all the kicks," he added, looking pointedly at Anakin and Obi-Wan.

"Why do you automatically assume it was us?" demanded Anakin, doing his best impression of wide-eyed innocence. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

_You're a horrible liar,_ Obi-Wan thought to Anakin.

_Like you're so much better,_ came Anakin's sarcastic reply.

Mace continued his rant, oblivious to the telepathic chatter surrounding him. "All I'm saying is, y'all better watch your backs."

Anakin stifled a giggle. "Whatever you say, Master Windu."

"An item to discuss, I have," Yoda spoke up. "If unable to teach a class, you are, find an acceptable substitute, you must."

"I did!" protested Obi-Wan, realizing that the comment was directed towards him.

Yoda shook his head. "Ready to train the younglings, Master Skywalker is not," he said.

"Oh well," replied Anakin, trying to look disappointed.

"You let Anakin teach?" Mace asked Obi-Wan incredulously. "Why didn't you just tell all the Padawans to run around with scissors or something?"

"Hey, only two kids got hurt," Anakin informed him. "And a wall, but that doesn't count."

"Whatever," said Yoda. "How is your tuberculosis, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan was caught off guard by the question. "Um, well...er...alright," he finally managed to say, adding a raspy cough for effect.

"Go to the doctor for that, you should," Yoda advised him.

"I will," Obi-Wan replied solemnly.

"Well, I guess that leaves only one question," said Mace, pausing for dramatic effect. "Who gets the last donut?"

* * *

I love you all! Thank you for all of your reviews; they were very inspirational. The reasons for myrather lengthy unexplainedabsence are many and varied, but what it boils down to is that I am the worst procrastinator in the entire world. Sorry! I will post new chapters as often as I can, but tomorrow is the first day of the worst three weeks of the year (a.k.a. summer marching band practice), which will definitely be cutting into my free time. Please keep reviewing! You guys rock! -Luna 


	35. Mysteries

"Well, that was productive," Obi-Wan said sarcastically as he and Anakin walked out of the Jedi Council meeting.

"You can say that again," Anakin muttered grumpily.

"Well, that was productive," Obi-Wan repeated.

Anakin shook his head hopelessly. "You're a moron," he said.

"Look who's talking," Obi-Wan shot back.

Anakin had no reply, so he changed the subject. "Now what?"

"Training," said Obi-Wan.

Anakin groaned.

"Aww, c'mon. It'll be fun," Obi-Wan insisted. "I can bring my _Rocky_ soundtrack if you like…"

Anakin made a disgusted face. "Are you trying to get me to kill myself?" he wondered.

"Fine. No _Rocky_. But-" Obi-Wan paused and looked around.

"What's the matter?" asked Anakin.

"I thought I sensed…never mind," replied Obi-Wan, though his expression remained troubled.

"Okay…" said Anakin in confusion.

"Hey, quit stalling," Obi-Wan scolded him. "It's training time.

He strode off down the hallway, and Anakin reluctantly followed

* * *

"This is crap," Anakin complained. He was down on his hands and knees, pulling weeds in the Jedi Temple garden. "Aren't there like, gardeners and stuff for this sort of thing?" 

"There used to be," said Obi-Wan. "But with the budget cuts and all…"

"Now I get stuck doing menial chores disguised as 'training exercises,'" Anakin finished.

"Right," Obi-Wan confirmed. "I mean, wrong. This is to help you…um, you know, get in tune with the Force or whatever."

"Uh-huh," said Anakin, not entirely convinced. "Then why aren't you getting in tune with the Force, too?"

"I would, but I've been having some back problems lately," Obi-Wan replied.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Ooh, look what I found!" He held up a squirming pink earthworm and threw it in Obi-Wan's direction.

"Eeek!" Obi-Wan squealed, jumping backwards to avoid the slimy projectile. "Well, I think that's enough training for today," he said once he had composed himself.

Anakin giggled.

"What's so funny?" demanded Obi-Wan.

"You scream like a girl."

* * *

"I wonder what's for lunch today," said Obi-Wan as he and Anakin joined the cafeteria line. 

"Mystery meat," Anakin informed him.

Obi-Wan made a face.

"I know," Anakin sympathized. "The real mystery is whether anyone actually eats the stuff. Hey, do you want to go have lunch at my place?"

"Sure," said Obi-Wan.

"Hang on, let me check with Padmé," replied Anakin, slipping into telepathic communication mode.

_Padmé? It's me,_ he thought.

_Anakin?_ came Padmé's reply.

_No, your other husband. _Anakin could almost sense Padmé rolling her eyes.

_Very funny. What do you want?_

_Well, it's nice to talk to you, too. _

Padmé was losing patience. _Anakin…_

_Sorry. I was thinking about coming home for lunch. Is that okay?_

_Do you really have to ask?_

_Obi-Wan wants to come. _

Padmé let out a mental sigh._Does he have to?_

_Not if you want him to hate us forever. _

_Oh, fine. But you so owe me one._

_I'm sure I'll make it up to you somehow… We'll be there in a little while. _

Anakin snapped back to reality.

"Well?" prompted Obi-Wan.

"No mystery meat for us!" Anakin announced happily.

"Woo-hoo!" exclaimed Obi-Wan as they left the lunch line. "So when did you teach Padmé that telepathy thing?"

"I didn't," said Anakin. "She learned it herself."

"Interesting…" Obi-Wan replied, deep in thought

"I'll race you to the speeder!" said Anakin, jolting him out of his trance.

"You're on," said Obi-Wan, and they took off running down the hallway.

* * *

"Come in," called Padmé as she heard a knock on the door. 

Anakin and Obi-Wan entered.

"Wow, Mrs. Skywalker, it smells delicious in here," said Obi-Wan.

Padmé eyed him sharply. "Since when am I 'Mrs. Skywalker'?"

"Sorry. It just slipped out," Obi-Wan apologized with a shrug.

"Hi, honey," said Anakin, greeting Padmé with a hug and a kiss. "Are we on time?"

"Exactly," Padmé replied. "The food is ready, the table is set, and the babies are sleeping."

"Have I mentioned how incredibly awesome you are?" Anakin asked.

Padmé grinned. "Not today." She kissed him sweetly.

"Man, I'm starving," remarked Obi-Wan, spoiling the moment.

Padmé managed to hide her irritation with a well-practiced smile. "Let's eat, then," she said, gesturing towards the table.

"Mmm, spaghetti," said Anakin as he took his seat. "My favorite."

"Just try not to spill any on yourself," Padmé cautioned.

"So Padmé," said Obi-Wan once they had all begun to eat, "have you ever considered becoming a Jedi?"

Padmé nearly choked on her spaghetti; Anakin had unfortunately just taken a large gulp of milk, which came shooting out his nose.

"What?" they exclaimed simultaneously.

"That's disgusting," Padmé said to Anakin, tossing him a napkin.

"Sorry," he apologized as he wiped up the puddle of milk that hadformed on the table.

"I'll take that as a no, then," said Obi-Wan.

"Me? A Jedi?" Padmé replied in bewilderment. "I couldn't even tell you how to hold a lightsaber."

"It's easy," Anakin explained. "Just keep your hands away from the glowing part."

Padmé rolled her eyes. "Okay, that may have been an exaggeration," she admitted. "But still…"

"Is something wrong?" Anakin asked Obi-Wan, who was glancing nervously around the room.

"No," Obi-Wan assured him. "I've just got a bad feeling about-" He paused as he spotted the figure standing at the door. "You."

* * *

Finally! Marching band is fun, but it is also exhausting (To say nothing of my killer sunburn...); seriously,it has zapped my will to do anything except sleep and, um, sleep. But the long drought has ended! Thank you as alwaysto everyone who has reviewed! You are beyond awesome. As to the _Island_ bit from last chapter, and other references throughout, it's fairly safe to say that anything you recognize didn't originate with me. Anyway, please review! I will love you forever and ever! Thanks! -Luna 


	36. Return of the You Know Who

Anakin and Padmé were both thoroughly confused.

"I thought you said that she went back to Kamino," Anakin whispered to Obi-Wan.

"I thought she did," Obi-Wan replied.

"Don't everyone welcome me at once," Taun We said sarcastically.

Padmé was the first to remember her manners. "It's, um, nice to see you again," she greeted her. "Please, come in."

"What do you want?" Obi-Wan demanded as Taun We stepped inside.

"I just forgot a couple of things," Taun We informed him, calm and serene as always.

"What things?" wondered Padmé as she began to search the apartment. "I don't see-"

"I think they're in the other room," interrupted Taun We. "I'll go look."

"I can help," offered Padmé.

"No, I've got it under control," Taun We said firmly.

Padmé reluctantly returned to her seat as Taun We left the room.

"I don't like this," Anakin said nervously, staring at his uneaten spaghetti.

"Really?" asked Padmé in disappointment. "I used a different sauce this time; sorry if it's not as good."

Anakin stared at her blankly.

"Oh, you mean…" Padmé jerked her head in the direction of the room Taun We had entered. Anakin nodded.

"Yeah, it's weird," agreed Obi-Wan.

"What could possibly so important that she had to come all the way back here?" wondered Anakin.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "It's something else," he said. "You know, for the past day or so, I've been getting the feeling that I was being followed."

"Uh-oh," said Anakin. "Looks like we've got ourselves a stalker."

Padmé disagreed. "You guys are nuts," she informed them. "Taun We seems so level-headed and down-to-earth; she would never-"

Suddenly, Anakin and Obi-Wan jumped up and sprinted into the other room. Padmé followed a moment later. They arrived to find Taun We dangling the twins out the open window and cackling evilly.

Padmé gasped.

"What are you doing?" exclaimed Anakin.

"Isn't it obvious?" replied Taun We. "I'm about to drop your children to their death."

"Why?" wondered Padmé.

"Why?" Taun We repeated incredulously. "I just got freakin' dumped, remember?"

"Yes," said Padmé, "and I'm terribly sorry. But what does that have to do with Luke and Leia?"

"Yeah, I'm lost," Obi-Wan admitted.

The twins were sobbing uncontrollably by now, obviously uncomfortable with their current situation.

"Look, why don't we go sit down and discuss this like civilized people?" Padmé suggested nervously, keeping her eyes on the babies.

"And let go of my children," added Anakin. "I mean, er, hand them over," he clarified as Taun We loosened her grip on the helpless infants.

"Um…I don't think so," replied Taun We. "Not until Obi-Wan apologizes, anyway."

"What?" said Obi-Wan.

Taun We sighed in frustration. "Honestly, do I have to spell everything out for you? Say, 'I'm sorry, Taun We, for misleading you about my sexuality and dragging you halfway across the galaxy to be my fake girlfriend.'"

"No way," Obi-Wan answered firmly.

"Obi-Wan!" Anakin and Padmé exclaimed simultaneously.

"I'm not apologizing to psycho-spaz-woman," insisted Obi-Wan.

"But it's our children," protested Padmé.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Not my problem."

"Don't make me kill you," Anakin threatened with a glare.

"Okay, I'll do it," Obi-Wan quickly replied. He paused.

"Well?" said Taun We expectantly.

Obi-Wan mumbled something under his breath.

"You'll have to speak up," ordered Taun We, allowing the babies to slip a little from her grasp.

"I'm sorry for misleading you about my sexuality," came the unenthusiastic response.

"And?" prompted Taun We.

Obi-Wan sighed. "And for dragging you halfway across the galaxy to be my fake girlfriend."

"Apology accepted," Taun We said happily, stepping away from the window and handing Luke and Leia back to their parents. "Your children are lovely, by the way," she told Anakin and Padmé.

"Go away," Padmé replied hostilely, not feeling particularly gracious towards the person who had just threatened the lives of her children.

"Okey-dokey," said Taun We, sensing the danger she was in and hurrying out of the apartment.

"And don't come back!" shouted Padmé as the door slammed shut.

"Well, that was exciting," said Obi-Wan.

Anakin and Padmé simply stared at him.

"Or not," Obi-Wan corrected himself, blushing in embarrassment and wondering if he would ever learn to think before he spoke.

There was an awkward pause, which was finally broken by Obi-Wan.

"So, anyone want to play 'Uno'?"

* * *

I'm still here! Sorry about this chapter, and the lateness and shortness and all. I offer band camp as a reason, not an excuse, and if any of you so muchas thinks the phrase, "This one time, at band camp..." there will be extremely unpleasant consequences. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your reviews! The next chapter will hopefully be longer and more amusing, although not necessarily any more timely, seeing as how I am leaving for my cousin's out-of-state wedding in about half a second, and the earliest I can post will be next Monday. In the meantime, please review! Thanks! -Luna 

PS- Is it bad when the author's note is almost as long as the chapter? Augh!


	37. Aftermath

"Are you kidding?" exclaimed Padmé. "Our children were just nearly killed, and you want to play card games?"

"No, I want to play 'Uno,'" Obi-Wan corrected her. "And besides, they didn't die, did they?"

Anakin was just as upset as Padmé. "If you say one more word, Obi-Wan, I swear I'll throw you out that window."

Obi-Wan shrugged nonchalantly. "Been there, done that."

"Leave!" shouted Anakin, realizing that Obi-Wan was not getting the message.

"Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?" wondered Obi-Wan as he headed towards the door.

Anakin and Padmé made no reply except to glare, and Obi-Wan hurriedly exited the apartment.

"That was close," said Anakin, gently rocking baby Luke back to sleep.

"Too close," added Padmé as she cradled Leia in her arms. "At this rate, they'll never make it past infancy."

"Maybe it's for the best," Anakin suggested. "They'll probably grow up to be huge disappointments, anyway."

"Don't say things like that!" scolded Padmé. "They are our children, after all."

"True," admitted Anakin. "What are you proposing?"

Padmé paused for a moment to think. "I have an idea..."

Anakin shuddered involuntarily as he saw the scheming look in Padmé's eyes and couldn't refrain from expressing his concern aloud.

"Uh-oh..."

* * *

"Give me one good reason not to," challenged Anakin as he and Obi-Wan walked to the Jedi Council meeting the next morning. 

"Um...because I'll love you forever and ever?" Obi-Wan tried.

Anakin looked at him questioningly.

"In the most platonic sense of the word, of course," Obi-Wan hastily clarified.

"Platonic?" repeated Anakin, now utterly confused. "Isn't that like, volcanoes and planets' crusts and all that jazz?"

"No, you're thinking of tectonics," explained Obi-Wan.

"Oh," said Anakin. "Same thing."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Why do I even bother?"

"Remind me again why I shouldn't tell the entire Council how you almost got my children killed yesterday?" Anakin said pointedly.

"Do you want them all to know that you're a horrible parent?" asked Obi-Wan.

Anakin was lost. "What?"

"Well, you're the one who let it happen," Obi-Wan accused.

"Yeah, because of you and your insane girlfriend," replied Anakin as they reached the Jedi Council chamber.

"We'll discuss this later," said Obi-Wan, not wanting to raise suspicions among the other Jedi Masters.

"Unless I decide to just tell them right now," Anakin threatened mischievously.

"Yeah, but then what happens the next time you want to blackmail me?" wondered Obi-Wan.

Anakin thought for a moment. "Good point."

* * *

"Isn't this stupid war over yet?" exclaimed Anakin, fed up with the endless discussions of tactics and strategy that had comprised the past two hours of the Council meeting. 

The other Jedi Masters, who had been in the middle of a heated debate over how exactly the name of the Wookies' home planet should be pronounced, fell silent at the outburst and turned to stare at Anakin.

"Unfortunately, no," answered Mace. "There are still rogue droid units scattered throughout the galaxy wreaking havoc- had you been paying any attention at all, you would have known that, but we've all learned not to expect much from you."

Anakin ignored the insult to focus on the larger issue. "They're just droids," he pointed out. "I killed all the separatists; who is giving them orders? Can't we just shut them all down?"

It was Obi-Wan who explained this time. "We haven't been able to locate all the droid control centers. Until they're incapacitated, the droids will keep following the orders they were given, which means they will continue attacking Republic systems."

"That's annoying," said Anakin.

"It may interest you to know that one of these skirmishes has just broken out on Senator Amidala's home planet of Naboo," revealed Mace.

"Ooh, ooh! I'll go!" Anakin volunteered, practically jumping out of his chair.

Mace hesitated, but Yoda stepped in.

"Ready, you are," the small green Jedi said approvingly. "Go to Naboo, you may."

"Thanks, Master Yoda!" Anakin said excitedly. "You rock!"

Yoda smiled sagely. "I know."

* * *

"You got the mission?" said Padmé when Anakin arrived home that evening and told her about the meeting. 

"Yep," he affirmed.

Padmé was elated. "Woo-hoo! I can't wait for my family to see the twins."

"I was skeptical when you suggested a trip to Naboo," Anakin admitted, "but this assignment is the perfect cover. Maybe we could leave the babies with your relatives and go up to the lake country for a few days..."

"Maybe," Padmé agreed. "When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow," said Anakin.

"Sweet," replied Padmé. "So what do you want to do tonight?"

"The same thing we do every night," answered Anakin.

Padmé's brow furrowed in confusion. "And what is that?" she wondered.

"Try to take over the world!" Anakin exclaimed, laughing evilly.

Padmé had been married to Anakin long enough to know how to handle situations like this. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, and all imperialistic thoughts immediately left Anakin's head.

"Or not."

* * *

Augh! Finally! _Merci beaucoup_ for all of your reviews; you know how much you rock. The next chapter should be up in a couple of days (Marching band season equals zero free time), so in the meantime, please review! Thanks! -Luna 


	38. Interlude

"All aboard!" shouted Anakin as he stood on the loading ramp of the sleek, chrome-plated spaceship that would be providing the transportation to Naboo.

"No, I don't need any help, really," Padmé said sarcastically, staggering under the weight of three suitcases while simultaneously attempting to push the babies' stroller.

Anakin rushed over and relieved her of the suitcases, and they were able to board without any further trouble.

"This is Anakin Skywalker, captain of the _Silver Bullet_," Anakin said into his headset. "We are ready for takeoff."

Padmé rolled her eyes. "You are such a geek."

"Why, because I came up with a catchy name for your spaceship?" wondered Anakin. "You're just jealous that you didn't think of it first."

Padmé opened her mouth to argue, but decided that it wasn't worth the effort. Anakin received clearance for departure over his headset, and the ship soared off into the clear blue sky.

* * *

"Oh, crap," said Anakin, having made the jump to hyperspace moments before. 

"What's wrong?" Padmé asked worriedly.

"Um, I may have made a slight miscalculation," Anakin confessed.

"Slight?" Padmé repeated.

Anakin shifted uncomfortably. "We're gonna end up in the middle of the planet."

"You mean like the core?"

"Somewhere in that vicinity, yeah."

Padmé groaned. "Anakin!"

"What? It's okay," Anakin attempted to console her. "Naboo's core is made of water, right?"

"Yeah," Padmé agreed. "So?"

"Well, I heard that death by drowning actually isn't that bad."

Padmé sighed; by this point, she was on the verge of tears.

Anakin giggled. "Just kidding!"

Padmé punched him on the shoulder. "That wasn't funny," she said with a glare.

"I thought it was," Anakin muttered under his breath.

Padmé ignored the comment and stood up. "I'm gonna go feed the twins," she informed him. "Want to help?"

"Only if you promise not to hit me anymore," replied Anakin, rubbing his sore shoulder.

"I won't have to as long as you don't say anything stupid," Padmé quipped as she left the cockpit.

Anakin sighed and followed her out.

* * *

"Anakin," said Padmé. 

"Hmm?" he replied absent-mindedly as he fed baby Luke.

"That bottle has been empty for ten minutes."

Anakin looked down and saw that Luke was indeed sucking futilely on a bottle that was completely drained of milk.

"Oh." He set the bottle down and shifted the infant to burping position. "Did you tell your parents that we were coming?" he asked Padmé.

"Duh," she replied.

Anakin waited for her to elaborate, but she chose not to. "And?" he prompted.

"They were...surprised," Padmé answered evasively. "They did offer to let us stay with them, if we want to."

Anakin shrugged indifferently. "Whatever."

"How long do you think your assignment will take?"

"It depends on the number of droids," Anakin explained. "Probably ten, twenty minutes at the most."

"Why don't you just-"

"Eww!" exclaimed Anakin as Luke spit up all over him.

Padmé giggled.

"How come you always get the good one?" Anakin asked, looking jealously at Leia, who was dozing peacefully in her mother's arms.

"Want to trade?" offered Padmé.

"I'd love to, but I've gotta go fly a spaceship," Anakin replied, handing Luke over to Padmé and cleaning himself off.

Padmé took the baby and began gently rocking him to sleep. "Have fun."

* * *

"I'm sorry, who did you say you were again?" the air traffic controller's voice came over the ship's intercom. 

"Our ship is called the _Silver Bullet_," Anakin explained for the third time, "carrying passengers Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala."

"Sorry, but you don't have landing clearance," the controller informed him.

"Are you kidding?" exclaimed Padmé. "I used to be queen of this whole freakin' planet, and now I can't even land my spaceship here?"

The controller recognized Padmé's voice immediately. "Senator Amidala," he acknowledged her humbly, "of course you may. Our scanners are picking up four life signs, though; did you bring any pets or anything?"

"Yes, those are our pet children," Anakin replied impatiently. "Now could we please just land?"

"Go ahead," the controller confirmed. "Thank you for visiting Naboo; please enjoy your stay."

* * *

Voila! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your reviews; it is so exciting to hear from new readers as well as regulars. I am planning to post a much more substantial chapter on Sunday or Monday, then school starts on Tuesday (Augh!) and we'll see what happens. In the meantime, won't you please review? Thanks! -Luna 


	39. Meet the Parents

"That's a lot of droids," said Anakin as he stood on a balcony overlooking the main hangar bay of Naboo's capitol city, where thousands of battle droids stood at attention.

"Uh-huh," agreed Padmé.

Anakin jumped in surprise at the sound of her voice. "I thought I told you to wait outside," he scolded.

"I wanted to watch," protested Padmé.

"Wasn't the point of coming to Naboo to keep the babies out of danger?" Anakin replied, gesturing towards the twins, who were sleeping soundly in their stroller.

Padmé shrugged off his concern. "They'll be fine as long as we stay up here," she assured him.

Anakin paused to think. "Promise you won't move?" he asked.

Padmé nodded.

"Alright," said Anakin, poised for action, "I'm gonna go down there and kick some droid butt; I'll be back in five minutes."

He leaped from the balcony, executed a perfect triple flip, and ignited his lightsaber as he landed. The battle droids began firing their blasters as soon as they caught sight of him, but Anakin seemed to anticipate every shot. He was not grazed by even a single blaster bolt as he set to work methodically destroying the droids that flocked towards him, cutting them down left and right. Anakin worked so quickly that he was reduced to a black-and-blue blur, leaving piles of metal carnage in his wake.

Then, suddenly, it all stopped. The blaster fire ceased, and the battle droid that Anakin was about to slice in two fell over of its own accord.

"What the…?" Anakin wondered aloud.

"I think I found the droid control center," Padmé shouted from the balcony.

Anakin was still confused. "You mean you shut them down?"

Padmé surveyed the motionless array of battle droids that stood below her. "Looks like it," she replied.

"Oh, great," Anakin groaned. "Thanks for ruining my fun."

"Sorry," said Padmé in a decidedly unregretful tone. "Can we go now?"

"Yeah," said Anakin, decapitating one last droid before shutting off his lightsaber and jumping back up to the balcony. He completed another triple flip and landed lightly beside Padmé.

"Show-off," she muttered.

Anakin shrugged; he was used to such accusations from the other Jedi back on Coruscant, and acknowledged that they were probably true. Still, he was considered by many- including himself- to be the greatest Jedi ever, so why not show off his skills a little?

"How did you do that?" Anakin asked Padmé.

"Well, I got bored with watching you fight," she confessed, "so I was looking at this little control panel-type contraption over here, and then I pushed a couple of buttons and wiggled that little thingamajigger right there, and poof! Bye-bye, battle droids."

"Lucky," Anakin said dismissively.

"There is no such thing as luck," replied Padmé, refusing to let him diminish her accomplishment. "Now can we please leave? My parents are expecting us for dinner."

* * *

"Mom, Dad, we're here!" Padmé announced as she and Anakin entered the Naberrie home with babies in tow. 

Two young girls rushed into the room, and Padmé hugged them both warmly, while Anakin frowned in confusion.

"Your parents are a lot, um, shorter than I remember," Anakin remarked.

"No, these are my nieces, Ryoo and Pooja," Padmé reminded him.

"Those are really their names?" Anakin asked with a snicker.

Padmé shot him a threatening look, and Anakin was immediately on his best behavior.

"Hi," he said to the girls, waving awkwardly.

Ryoo and Pooja greeted him shyly before turning their attention to the twins, who were still asleep in their stroller.

"Careful, girls," cautioned the slender, dark-haired woman who was entering the room. "You don't want to wake them up."

"It's fine," Padmé assured her, "they've slept more than long enough. Anakin, you remember my sister Sola, don't you?"

"Uh, sure," replied Anakin as he shook Sola's hand. In actuality, he had been so infatuated with Padmé the last time he had been on Naboo that he remembered little about the trip.

"I remember you," Sola told him with a smile. "Is it just me," she asked Padmé, "or has he gotten hotter?"

"Shh," said Padmé, "Anakin's ego is big enough without the encouragement."

Anakin opened his mouth to defend himself, but was cut off as an older couple came into the room.

"The prodigal daughter has returned!" the woman exclaimed with a gasp.

"Mom! Dad!" Padmé said as she hugged them both. "Anakin, let me reintroduce you to my mom, Jobal, and my dad, Ruwee."

"It's nice to see you again, Mr. and Mrs. Naberrie," Anakin said with a charming smile.

"Oh, there's no need for formality with us," Jobal replied warmly.

Ruwee merely grunted.

"Now, let me see those babies," Jobal continued excitedly as she spotted Luke and Leia. "They are so adorable!" she cooed, picking up Luke and rocking him gently.

"You might want to try the other one," Anakin suggested. "She's a little less…troublesome."

"Anakin," warned Padmé.

"It's true!" Anakin insisted.

"Nonsense," Jobal chimed in before turning her attention back to the baby in her arms. "You are a good boy, aren't you? Yes, you are! Yes, you- Ow!" she yelped as Luke grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked on it.

"See?" Anakin said triumphantly.

"Maybe he's just tired," suggested Jobal, handing Luke over to Padmé and attempting to disentangle her hair from his fist.

"That must be it," said Padmé, although Luke was as bright-eyed as ever. "Do you want to hold him, Dad?" she wondered.

"Nah," Ruwee said gruffly. "I'm starving," he said to his wife. "When do we eat?"

* * *

"So when we got to them, we went into aggressive negotiations," Anakin explained as they all sat around the dinner table a short while later. 

"Aggressive negotiations," Sola repeated blankly, "what's that?"

"Well, uh, negotiations with a lightsaber," Anakin said with a grin.

Everyone at the table burst out laughing except for Padmé, who simply rolled her eyes, and Ruwee, who remained inexplicably taciturn.

"You seriously need some new material," Padmé whispered to Anakin while the others were still giggling.

"It's new to them," Anakin reminded her before addressing the group at large. "Say, have any of you heard the one about the peg-legged Wookie?"

Padmé sighed in resignation; it was going to be a long night…

* * *

At long last, I have returned! From now on I will be posting as much as I can, although hopefully at least once a week, depending on how much homework I have and how lazy I am feeling. Thank you yet again for your reviews; you are without a doubt the coolest people in the entire world. Keep it up! -Luna 


	40. Good Night, Sleep Tight

They sat at the table long after the meal had ended, talking, laughing, and reacquainting themselves with one another. With Padmé's permission, Ryoo and Pooja had taken the twins into the living room to play, and the sound of children's laughter occasionally drifted in through the doorway.

"So then," Padmé described animatedly, "Anakin was like, 'Are you an angel?' and it was so cheesy that it was all I could do to keep from gagging. "

"I was only nine years old," Anakin protested. "And besides, it worked, didn't it?" he pointed out.

Padmé blushed. "I guess so. But-"

She stopped as the cries of an infant pierced the air. She rushed into the other room, followed closely by the others. The afflicted child turned out to be Luke; Leia was as cheerful as ever, while Ryoo and Pooja stared down at the floor in guilt.

"What happened?" Padmé demanded.

"Pooja dropped the baby," Ryoo blurted out, pointing a finger at her sister. "On his head."

Anakin breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, is that all?"

"You mean you're not mad?" Pooja asked hopefully as Padmé picked up Luke and attempted to console him.

"No," Anakin assured the worried child. "It's not like it's the first time this has happened."

Everyone else looked at him questioningly.

"Long story," explained Anakin.

"Well, I think it's time for us to go home. It's way past your bedtime," Sola said to her daughters.

Ryoo and Pooja groaned in protest, but said their farewells and reluctantly trudged out the door after their mother.

"We should probably get to bed, too," Anakin said with a yawn.

"It's been a long day," Padmé agreed. "Where are we sleeping?" she wondered.

"We set up the crib in your old room," Jobal told her.

"Okey-dokey," Padmé replied, grabbing a suitcase with her free hand.

"I've got it," offered Ruwee, paternal instinct kicking in. He relieved Padmé of the suitcase over her protests, while Anakin hefted the remainder of the luggage and Jobal picked up Leia. The traipsed down the hallway until they reached a small, pink-walled bedroom.

"Nice color," Anakin commented, dropping the baggage in a pile on the floor.

"Do you need anything else?" wondered Jobal as she placed Leia in the crib. Ruwee left his suitcase with the others and fled the room.

"Nope," Padmé replied. "Thanks, Mom," she added as Jobal exited.

"Bunk beds?" Anakin exclaimed incredulously, catching sight ofthe sleeping arrangements. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Oh, quit whining," said Padmé, putting Luke to bed in the crib. "It's only for one night."

Anakin groaned.

"So do you want the top or bottom?" Padmé asked.

"Bunk?" Anakin replied mischievously.

Padmé glared. "Yes."

"Top," he replied, "but I have to check in with Obi-Wan first."

"Whatever," said Padmé as she crawled into bed.

Anakin entered the Jedi Temple coordinates into the holographic transmitter that sat on a desk in the corner of the room and a small, translucent blue image of Obi-Wan appeared before him.

"What's up, homey?" Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin raised an eyebrow. "Um, I'm going to pretend that you didn't just say that."

"Good idea," replied Obi-Wan, clearing his throat to hide his embarrassment. "So what's your status?"

"Well, it turns out that this mission is going to be a lot tougher than we expected," Anakin explained.

"Really?" Obi-Wan said in surprise. "I figured you'd already be done by now."

Anakin shook his head. "There are, like, a million battle droids here. They've pretty much taken over the city; the only way I'll be able to stop them is if I can find the droid control center and shut it down."

"Sounds tough," Obi-Wan sympathized. "Do you need backup?"

"No!" Anakin answered quickly. "No, I've got it under control."

"Well, how long do you think it will take to locate the control center?" wondered Obi-Wan.

"At least a week," Anakin said, "it's hard to say. Hang on, I think someone's coming," he added, drawing his lightsaber for effect.

"You'd better go, then," Obi-Wan advised. "Contact me when you can."

The transmission ended and Obi-Wan disappeared.

"You are such a liar," said Padmé.

"What are you talking about?" Anakin replied, feigning innocence.

"Didn't we already get rid of all the battle droids?" Padmé reminded him.

"Well, yeah," Anakin admitted, "but now we have a whole week of uninterrupted vacation time," he pointed out. "We can go up to the lake country, reminisce about our childhoods, profess our undying love by firelight..."

"What about the twins?" asked Padmé.

"Can't we just leave them here? It seems like your parents would be more than happy to take care of them. Although," Anakin added, climbing up to the top bunk, "I don't think your father likes me very much."

"That's not true," Padmé protested.

"He called me a whining pansy-boy," Anakin reminded her. "Twice."

"He's just a little...overprotective," explained Padmé. "Give him time; he'll come around."

"The itching powder I put in his underwear drawer might not help with that," said Anakin.

"Probably not," Padmé agreed.

"It's gonna be funny, though," Anakin added with an evil chuckle.

"Anakin?"

"What?"

"Go to sleep."

* * *

"Good morning, sunshine!" 

Padmé awoke to the sight of Anakin leaning over the edge of his bunk, looking at her and smiling.

"Since when are you a morning person?" she asked with a yawn.

"Well, I- Whoa!" Anakin exclaimed as he lost his balance and toppled to the floor, landing flat on his back. "Ow!"

"Good one," Padmé remarked sarcastically.

"Yeah, well, I'm used to it by now. I fell out three times last night," confessed Anakin.

"I though I heard a noise a couple of times," Padmé told him, getting out of bed herself, "but then I chalked it up to my imagination."

"No, it definitely happened," Anakin assured her. "I've got bruises."

Padmé laughed. "No more bunk beds for you."

"Good," Anakin said in relief. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Padmé replied, kissing him sweetly.

"Man, I'm starving," Anakin exclaimed abruptly, spoiling the moment. "I wonder what's for breakfast?"

* * *

Voila! Thank you all so much for your patience, and for your continual support and willingness to review. I know I have said this before, but you guys rock! For the record, all of the names of Padmé's family members are real; I did not make them up, although I did have to look them up. (I am not that much of a geek. Geez!) Anyway, please keep reviewing; I will be eternally grateful. Thanks! -Luna 


	41. Breakfast at Naberries'

"Mmm, pancakes!" Anakin exclaimed as he entered the kitchen and saw Jobal placing thick stacks of fluffy pancakes on the table. "My favorite!"

"Good morning," Jobal said cheerfully. She poured more batter into the pan on the stove while Anakin and Padmé sat down at the table.

Ruwee merely grunted; he was already helping himself to a large pile of pancakes and dousing them in syrup.

"Ruwee!" Jobal scolded. "Wait for the rest of us, would you?"

"Sorry," Ruwee muttered, reluctantly setting his utensils down on the table.

Jobal brought the final batch of pancakes over to the table and sat down, commencing the meal.

"Kooah hwa glsh mokpees?" Anakin asked after unsuccessfully attempting to stuff an entire pancake in his mouth.

"Anakin!" Padmé admonished him. "How many times to I have to tell you not to talk with your mouth full?"

"Sohwee," he replied, still chewing.

Padmé glared.

"Sorry," Anakin repeated after swallowing quickly. "Could I have a glass of milk, please?" he asked.

"Of course," said Jobal, passing the milk carton over to him.

Anakin poured himself a glass and frowned. "It's not blue," he said in disappointment.

"Should it be?" wondered Jobal, regarding him dubiously as Ruwee muttered something under his breath about a psychotic freak show.

Unfortunately, thanks to his super-sharp Jedi hearing, Anakin caught every word.

"You wanna say that to my face?" he challenged Ruwee, throwing his silverware down on the table and standing up.

"Gladly," Ruwee replied angrily as he rose to face him. "You are the most pathetic loser in the entire galaxy. You don't even deserve to breathe the same air as my daughter, let alone marry her! And also, that haircut? So thirty years ago."

Anakin was at a loss for good comebacks, but at last inspiration struck.

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Everyone else simply stared for a moment as they absorbed the full inanity of the remark. Suddenly Jobal burst out laughing, and Padmé buried her face in her hands to hide her embarrassment.

"You are making this way too easy," Ruwee said, shaking his head pityingly. "Seriously, a trained monkey would make a better son-in-law than you!"

Anakin, realizing that this was one opponent he would not be able to defeat with his intellectual prowess, decided to resort to violence.

"Alright, old man," Anakin taunted, drawing his lightsaber, "you want a piece of me?"

"I don't want a piece of you," Ruwee corrected, shocking everyone as he revealed his own lightsaber. "I want the whole thing!"

"Can't we just all be friends?" Padmé pleaded desperately as the two men circled the table, glaring at each other maliciously.

"Don't worry, I won't kill your dad," Anakin assured her. "I'll just sever a limb or two."

"I'd like to see you try, you whiny little brat," Ruwee sneered.

"Enough," Jobal said firmly just as Anakin raised his lightsaber to strike. Everyone froze.

"There will be no dueling in this house," she continued, "especially at mealtime. Weapons, please."

Ruwee and Anakin shut off their lightsabers and placed them in her outstretched hand, eyeing each other warily.

"Thank you," said Jobal, reverting to her usual pleasant demeanor. "Now sit down and finish eating; your pancakes are getting cold."

The meal resumed, but the atmosphere was much more tense and uncomfortable than it had been previously.

_Well?_ Padmé mentally prodded Anakin.

_Well what?_ Anakin wondered.

_You should apologize._

_Why? He started it!_

_Anakin, please,_ Padmé pleaded wearily.

_No,_ came the stubborn reply.

Padmé decided that it was time to get tough. _Do you want to go on vacation to the lake country or not?_

_Duh._

_Well, if you don't apologize, we're not going._

_What? That's heinous!_

_Anakin?_

_Yes?_

_What does 'heinous' mean?_

_Um…_

_Never mind. Are you going to apologize or not?_

_Oh, alright. But only because I love you._

Padmé smiled. "Daddy," she said, breaking the silence that hung over the room.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Ruwee replied.

"Anakin has something to tell you," Padmé informed him.

"Oh," Ruwee said darkly.

Anakin seemed to have lost his nerve, but Padmé gave him an encouraging nudge.

"I'm sorry I threatened you with my lightsaber," he said unenthusiastically.

Ruwee made no reply, but Jobal cleared her throat and looked at him expectantly.

"Me too," he said at last.

"And?" Jobal prompted.

"And I'm sorry I called you a whiny little brat," Ruwee added with a sigh.

"I'm sorry I called you an old man," Anakin replied.

"And that I called you a pathetic loser," Ruwee continued, "and that thing about the trained monkey."

"I'm sorry I called you Mean Mr. Crabby-pants," said Anakin.

Ruwee paused. "You never called me that."

"I didn't?"

"Nope."

"Oh. I must have just thought it, then."

"Most likely."

* * *

"…and for the rest of the month, she didn't eat anything except for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," Ruwee described. Once he and Anakin had made amends, they had become fast friends, and Ruwee seized the opportunity to regale him with tales from Padmé's childhood. 

"No kidding," Anakin exclaimed in fascination.

"Yeah, except she could never pronounce her 'l's," Ruwee continued animatedly, "so she called it 'peanut butter and jerry.' Anyone who heard her probably thought we were raising a cannibal!"

Everyone began to chuckle except for Padmé, whose face was turning a vivid shade of crimson.

"Well, we'd better get going," Padmé said in an attempt to change the subject.

"I'll go get the bags," said Anakin, getting up from the table.

"Oh, here's your lightsaber," said Jobal as she handed the weapon to him. "You aren't going to attack my husband again, are you?"

"Not unless he really gets on my nerves," Anakin confirmed. "Which reminds me," he added, turning to Ruwee, "where did you get your lightsaber? Did you used to be a Jedi?"

"No. It's not a real lightsaber," Ruwee confessed. "It's just a flashlight with a colored plastic tube on the end that I stole from some neighbor kid."

"Huh," said Anakin, examining the device with curiosity before returning it to Ruwee. He left to retrieve the luggage, and returned a moment later.

"I left some bottles in the fridge," Padmé was explaining to Jobal, "the twins will probably be hungry when they wake up. If you need anything else-"

"We'll be fine," Jobal assured her. "I'm sure I can take care of them at least as well as that idiot husband of yours," she added in a whisper, making Padmé giggle.

"Are you ready, honey?" Anakin asked.

"Yeah," said Padmé. "Bye, Mom and Dad! We'll be back in a few days!" Padmé called,waving at them as she walked out the door.

Anakin grabbed the suitcases and followed.

"See you later, alligators!"

* * *

It's here! Finally! Thank you all so much for your patience; Labor Day weekend is the time for family gatherings, you know, and mine was no exception. I will keep posting every weekend as long as you guys keep wanting to read it! An enormous thank you to all reviewers, old and new (and borrowed and blue...); you guys seriously rock. So please, keep it up! -Luna 


	42. Still Life with Fruit

"Ooh, look! A fish!" Anakin exclaimed, pointing excitedly at a dark shape underneath the surface of the lake. He and Padmé were in a boat, sailing across the lake to the romantic retreat where they had first professed their love.

Padmé sighed. "It's a lake, Anakin. Of course there are fish."

"You mean fishes," Anakin corrected her.

"No," Padmé replied. "It's just 'fish.'"

Anakin shook his head. "Fishes," he insisted. "You know: the plural of moose is mooses, the plural of mouse is mouses, and the plural of fish is fishes."

"Uh-huh," Padmé said skeptically. "So what's the plural of sheep?"

"Sheepses," Anakin answered matter-of-factly.

Padmé couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" wondered Anakin.

"Oh, nothing…" said Padmé, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

Anakin let it go, attributing the outburst to the unfathomable mystery of the female mind.

"We're here," Padmé observed as the boat came to a stop at a dock. The house loomed in the background, exuding an aura of intimacy despite its size.

Anakin stepped ashore first and offered his hand to help Padmé out of the boat. Instead of using him for support, however, she yanked on his arm and sent him flying headlong into the water. He resurfaced a moment later, gasping for breath.

"What was that for?" Anakin sputtered as he struggled to stay afloat in his heavy Jedi robes.

Padmé shrugged. "I just felt like it, I guess."

"Well, what if I feel like it, too?" asked Anakin. He swam over to the boat, in which Padmé was still standing, and tipped it over.

"Oh, no you-" Padmé managed to threaten him before hitting the water with a large splash.

"You are so dead," she told Anakin, coughing up water and splashing furiously in a desperate attempt to stay afloat.

Anakin laughed and splashed her playfully. Padmé responded by swimming over to him and dunking his head underwater, releasing him after a moment.

Anakin's body floated to the surface.

"Oh, geez," Padmé said to herself in horror. "I killed him!"

She felt a tug on her leg at the same moment that she realized that Anakin's body had disappeared, and felt immense relief at knowing he had tricked her once again and was not, in fact, dead.

Anakin's head emerged from the water a short while later. "Did I scare you?" he asked with a laugh.

Padmé glared. "No. And that wasn't funny."

"I bet you thought I was a killer whale," he speculated.

"There are no killer whales on Naboo," Padmé replied irritably as she swam over to the dock and climbed out of the lake.

"Are you mad at me?" wondered Anakin.

"Now, why would you think that?" Padmé said sarcastically. "I'm cold, wet, and my new dress is completely ruined.And let's not forgetmy shoes…"

"You started it," Anakin pointed out.

"What? Are you disagreeing with me?" asked Padmé.

"No," Anakin assured her; if there was one thing that marriage had taught him, it wasthat agreement was generally the best course of action. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

Padmé glared. "You'd better be," she said, storming off to change clothes.

Anakin sighed and pulled himself up onto the dock, wondering whyhe could neverdo anything right.

* * *

"Check this out," said Anakin as he and Padmé enjoyed a romantic candlelit dinner later that evening. He stretched his hand out towards the fruit bowl at the center of the table, causing an apple to levitate and spin in lazy circles. 

"Anakin?" said Padmé.

"Yes, dear?"

"You've been doing fruit tricks for the past hour," she informed him as she yawned in boredom.

"Oh," said Anakin, replacing the fruit in the bowl. "Well, what do you want to do?"

Padmé stood up, walked over to Anakin, and kissed him passionately on the lips.

"Yeah," Anakin said when it was over, "that works for me."

* * *

Anakin yawned as the first rays of sunlight streamed in through the window, then winced at the brightness and covered his eyes with his pillow. 

"I thought you'd never wake up," murmured Padmé, cuddling up next to him.

"I wouldn't have to if it wasn't for the stupid sun," Anakin replied grumpily.

"Oh, cheer up," Padmé encouraged him. "It is our first day in paradise, after all."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Anakin wondered.

"I don't know," said Padmé. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Anakin replied. "What do you want to do?"

"I-" Padmé paused. "Don't start that again," she scolded him.

Anakin chuckled. "Sorry."

"No, you're not," said Padmé.

"You're right," Anakin admitted. "How is it that you're always right?"

"I'm just awesome, I guess," Padmé replied.

They fell silent, savoring the cool breeze drifting in through the window and the smell of flowers from the balcony and the invisible thread of love that allowed each of them to know exactly what the other was thinking, so that when Padmé got out of bed to go watch the sunrise, Anakin followed without saying a word. As the sky began to turn an elusive pink it occurred to both of them that they would very much like to kiss each other, but they were interrupted just before their lips touched by the sound of heavy footsteps in the house.

"Where are they?" exclaimed Obi-Wan, bursting out onto the balcony with his lightsaber drawn.

"Obi-Wan?" Padmé and Anakin said incredulously.

"Where are they?" Obi-Wan repeated, nervously scanning the area with his eyes.

"Where are who?" wondered Anakin.

"The battle droids," Obi-Wan replied. "You told me that there were, like, infinity of them."

Anakin sighed, seeing all of his carefully crafted plans come crashing down around him. "There aren't any," he revealed.

Obi-Wan frowned in confusion. "But you said-"

"I know," Anakin interrupted. "There were battle droids," he explained apologetically, "but Padmé took care of that."

Obi-Wan was impressed. "Really?"

"Yeah," Padmé admitted modestly.

"So what else have you guys been doing, then?" Obi-Wan wondered.

"Oh, you know…" Anakin answered vaguely.

"Lying to the Jedi Council in order to go on secret vacations with your wife?" Obi-Wan guessed.

"Am I in trouble?" asked Anakin, his brow creased with worry.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Big time."

* * *

At last! Please, please forgive me for being such a terrible procrastinator. My homework just caught up with me, and then we had a marching band competition on Saturday, and- you know what, I'm not even going to make any excuses. I was just being lazy, okay? There, I said it. But no more! I will start the next chapter immediately, and post it as soon as possible. Which could very well be a week from now, but there it is. To everyone who reviewed: thank you, merci, gracias, mahalo- if I knew how to say thank you in more languages I would, because you are the awesomest people in the entire world. I love you all! Please, keep it up! Reviews make me happy, and a happy writer is a productive writer, so... you all see where I'm going with that. Peace out! -Luna 


	43. Crime and Punishment

"This sucks," said Padmé as she and Anakin rode back to her parents' house in Obi-Wan's speeder.

"Majorly," agreed Anakin.

Padmé glared at him. "I am so not even talking to you."

"What?" Anakin exclaimed incredulously. "How is this my fault?"

"Well, let's think: weren't you the one who suggested lying to the Jedi Council in order to go on this stupid little trip?"

"Yeah, but…um…" Anakin faltered in the face of Padmé's irrefutable logic.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "What a moron."

"You can stay out of this, thank you very much," Padmé told him shortly.

"Sorry, milady," Obi-Wan apologized, readily deferring to her. The imposing presence of the former-queen-turned-senator never failed to intimidate him.

"I'm sorry, too," added Anakin, eager to make amends. "How can I make it up to you?"

Padmé grinned wickedly. "I'm sure I'll think of something…"

* * *

"Oh, hello," said Jobal in surprise, opening the door to greet Anakin and Padmé. "Back so soon?" 

"Emergency Jedi business," Anakin informed her, repeating the story he and Padmé had devised earlier so that they would not be humiliated in front of her parents. "Some sort of Wookie mafia on K- Kash- Ka-" he stumbled over the unpronounceable word. "That one planet," he finished at last.

"Interesting…" Jobal replied politely. She led them into the living room, where Luke and Leia were laying on the floor giggling happily as Ruwee played with them.

"Where's Grandpa?" he said, covering his face with his hands. "Here he is!" he suddenly exclaimed, pulling his hands away to reveal a goofy grin. The twins laughed even more.

"Isn't that precious?" Padmé commented as she watched the heartwarming scene.

Ruwee looked up at the unexpected sound of her voice. "That was fast," he observed. "What, are you sick of each other already?"

"Anakin has to go do a Jedi thing," Jobal informed her husband before Anakin or Padmé had a chance to respond. "Something about Wookies.

"And I suppose you want these back," said Ruwee, picking up the twins and returning them to their parents.

"Not really," said Anakin, earning himself a sharp jab in the ribs from Padmé.

"You can stay for lunch, if you'd like," Jobal offered graciously.

"We'd love to," came Padmé's sincere reply, "but it is an emergency, so…"

"Right," said Jobal. "Come back soon, then," she added in farewell.

"We will," Padmé assured her.

"Good luck with that Jedi thing," Ruwee said to Anakin, shaking his hand firmly, "and try not to lose any limbs. I heard that those Wookies can be pretty rough."

"I'll keep that in mind," replied Anakin, trying hard to refrain from laughing; he seriously doubted that a Wookie could physically harm him, what with him being the Chosen One and all.

"So long, suckers!" he said, waving goodbye to Ruwee and Jobal as he and Padmé walked out the door. "I mean, er, see you later!"

* * *

"Anakin, Anakin, Anakin," said Mace, shaking his head in disappointment. "What are we going to do with you?" 

"Um, reward me for getting rid of those battle droids so efficiently?" Anakin answered hopefully, having already told the Council the whole story.

"I thought you said that Padmé did that," Obi-Wan pointed out.

"Er…right," Anakin admitted, casting an annoyed glance at Obi-Wan.

_Dude, you are so not helping_, he thought in irritation.

A smile tugged at the corners of Obi-Wan's mouth. _Yeah, I know. That's what makes it fun. _

"Take dishonesty lightly, the Council does not," Yoda scolded Anakin. "Expelled from the Order, you should be."

"Are you kidding?" said Anakin in disbelief.

Yoda laughed gruffly. "Yes. A good joke, it was, hmm?"

"Um…sure," Anakin agreed half-heartedly, choosing wisely to humor the legendary Jedi Master.

"You will be demoted, though," Mace informed him, austere as ever.

"Demoted?" repeated Anakin.

"It means that you'll have a lower rank," Obi-Wan explained.

"I know that," Anakin said indignantly. "I'm not completely stupid, you know."

Several Council members coughed loudly in a feeble attempt to conceal their laughter, but Mace cleared his throat and the room fell silent.

"Anakin Skywalker, you are hereby reprimanded by this Council and reduced to the rank of Padawan," he pronounced.

"No freakin' way," said Anakin in frustration.

"Yes, freakin' way," Mace replied sternly. "And if you don't adjust that attitude of yours, I'm gonna have to beat the crap out of you, too."

"I hate you all!" exclaimed Anakin, tears of anger stinging his eyes.

"Look on the bright side, Anakin," Obi-Wan said cheerfully, "at least you still get to have me as your master."

Anakin sighed. "Great."

* * *

"Good morning, class," Obi-Wan greeted the class of eager young Padawan learners. 

"Good morning, Master Kenobi," they chorused, all looking bright-eyed and cheerful.

All except for one, that is. In the very center of the front row sat Anakin, sullen and uncomfortable in his undersized desk. Still, he did manage to mutter a reluctant greeting along with the others, which Obi-Wan took as a good sign.

"Let's review our discussion of the Force from yesterday, shall we?" instructed Obi-Wan. "Who can tell me what fear leads to?"

"Anger," replied a studious-looking boy in the front row.

"Right," Obi-Wan confirmed. "And anger leads to…"

"Hate," a quick-witted girl piped up from the back of the room.

"Right again," said Obi-Wan. "And what does hate lead to?"

The Padawans glanced at each other uncertainly, remaining silent.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan prompted.

Anakin looked up in surprise; he had been on the verge of drifting off to sleep. "Wha…?" he wondered groggily.

Obi-Wan repeated the question. "Can you tell me what hate leads to?"

"Unlimited power," Anakin replied without hesitation. Obi-Wan glared at him disapprovingly.

"I mean…uh…suffering?" he tried again.. "Yeah, that's the one."

The young Padawans stared at him curiously; the attention made Anakin shift in discomfort.

"What are you looking at?"

* * *

Astrying as the remainder of the class was, Anakin soon discovered that lunchtime was an even greater challenge. 

"Can I sit here?" he asked repeatedly, only to receive answers like, "Sorry, but you can't," "This seat is saved," or, "No way, you freakazoid." Several of the cruel younglings even had the nerve to laugh in his face, but at last Anakin found a pair of rowdy boys who didn't seem to mind his presence.

"I remember you," one of them commented as Anakin sat down. "You taught our class the day I got stung by all those bees."

Anakin reddened in embarrassment at the memory. "Sorry about that," he apologized.

"So why aren't you a Master anymore?" wondered the other boy.

Anakin hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out what to tell them.

"If you ever decide to break the Jedi Code," he advised, "don't get caught."

And with that, the two troublemakers knew that Anakin was one of their own.

* * *

Finally! Sorry about the long break, I just...forgot? But I really will try to be better! I am already working on some ideas for the next chapter, which is a start at least... Thank you so much for your reviews! I love you all! Please keep sending them in! Pretty please? Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top? _Gracias!_-Luna 


	44. More Punishment

"Oh yeah?" Anakin replied. "Well, I can shove five French fries up my nose!"

"That's nothing," one of the mischievous Padawans scoffed. "I bet I can fit six."

"Seven," Anakin shot back, desperate to prove his superiority to his new lunchtime buddies.

"No way," the other boy said skeptically.

"I can," Anakin insisted.

"So do it, then."

That was all the encouragement Anakin needed to begin shoving French fries up his nose. Unfortunately, it was at this very moment that Obi-Wan walked into the cafeteria and spotted him.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan said incredulously.

Anakin turned around and faced him, a French fry protruding from each nostril. "What?"

"Take those out of your nose right now," he instructed.

Anakin complied, and the two Padawans groaned in disappointment.

"The salt does kind of sting," observed Anakin, rubbing his nose.

Obi-Wan raised his hands in surrender. "I give up. You're hopeless, you know that?" He turned and walked away.

Anakin high-fived his new friends.

* * *

"Yo Padmé, it's me!" Anakin announced when he arrived home that evening. Padmé came out to greet him, and they embraced warmly. Anakin gently broke away after a moment. 

"Obi-Wan's been here, hasn't he?" he asked.

"How can you tell?" wondered Padmé. "Is it something to do with the Force?"

"No," said Anakin, "it's that terrible cologne he always wears."

"No kidding," agreed Padmé

"So what did he want?"

"Oh, he just came over to tell me about the, um, French fry incident."

"Why?" asked Anakin.

"Well, because it's…" Padmé paused, choosing her next words carefully. "It's a little odd," she told him.

"Odd?" Anakin repeated. "How is that odd?"

"Because…it's just…you're…" She stopped, realizing that she wasn't getting anywhere. "Were you dropped on your head as a baby?"

Anakin shrugged. "How should I know?"

Padmé sighed. "Oh, never mind."

* * *

"I had a brilliant idea today," Padmé revealed at dinnertime. 

"Uh-oh…" Anakin said warily; Padmé's last brilliant idea had resulted in both of them being taken prisoner and nearly executed.

Padmé ignored the comment and kept on talking. "Remember how we were supposed to have that vacation on Naboo, but we had to come back here because you screwed everything up?"

"Yes…" replied Anakin, shifting uneasily in his chair. He did not like where this was going.

"And then you asked how you could make it up to me?" Padmé continued.

Anakin frowned. "I don't remember that part… Are you sure you didn't imagine it?"

"Is Tatooine the most desolate planet in the galaxy?"

Anakin hesitated. "Is that a trick question?"

"Never mind," said Padmé. "The point is, I've thought of a way for you to redeem yourself."

"Will there be kissing?" Anakin asked hopefully.

"No."

"Darn it."

"You'll live," Padmé replied unsympathetically.

"So what is it?" prompted Anakin.

"What's what?"

"My punishment," Anakin reminded her.

"Sorry," she apologized. "You said the word 'kissing' and then my mind was like… Hang on a sec."

Padmé stood up, leaned across the table, and kissed Anakin passionately on the lips.

"Okay, I'm good," Padmé said as she resumed her seat. "Now where was I?"

Anakin sighed in exasperation. "My punishment," he reminded her again.

"Oh yeah," said Padmé, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Anakin suddenly became very, very afraid.

* * *

"For the last time, Anakin: the floating platforms are not a toy," scolded Supreme Chancellor Organa as Anakin's platform zoomed wildly around the Senate chamber. 

"Sorry, Your Excellency," Anakin apologized, slowing the platform to a halt.

As retribution for the disastrous trip to Naboo, Padmé had decided that she and Anakin should switch roles for a day, which was why Anakin was at the Senate meeting to begin with. Having been forbidden from touching the steering controls of his platform, Anakin quickly lapsed into boredom.

"I move for a recess," he blurted out in the middle of a heated debate over trade policy.

Everyone fell silent.

"Um, you do know that 'recess' does not mean that we all go out and play on the playground, right?" Chancellor Organa clarified.

"Oh," Anakin replied in disappointment. "Never mind, then."

He paused.

"Can we at least order some pizza or something?"

The other Senators began to shout at him, many expressing their anger and frustration through the use of colorful expletives.

"So, I guess that's a 'no.'" remarked Anakin timidly. "Yeah, I think I'll be going now…"

Anakin discreetly exited the chamber, leaving the Senate in chaos.

* * *

_Padmé?_ Anakin thought frantically as he stood in the apartment kitchen. 

_Um, I'm kind of in the middle of a class, Anakin, _came the impatient reply.

_Sorry. I just have a quick question. _

_This had better be good…_

_What does "t" mean?_

Padmé paused. _Like the letter "t"?_

_You know, in a recipe._

_Oh, _Padmé thought in relief, glad that Anakin was not sinking even lower on the stupidity scale. _It means teaspoon._

_Teaspoon. Got it._ He paused. _What's that? _

_Well, it's- Hang on, why do you need to know?_ wondered Padmé. _Are you baking something?_

_Yep. _

_And you haven't burned down the apartment yet?_

_Nope. But we didn't have any corn syrup, so I used canned corn instead. That's okay, right?_

_Not exactly… Why don't you just come down to the Temple and eat with me at the cafeteria? _Padmé suggested.

_Are you saying that I can't cook?_

_No, I'm just- Ow!_

_What's the matter? _Anakin wondered in concern.

_Some kid just tried to slice me in half with his lightsaber. _

_Why, that little son-of-a-_

_Anakin, _Padmé warned him.

_Sorry. _

_Are you still trying to bake?_

_Yeah, I- gosh darn it!_

_What?_

_I accidentally put in two cups of salt instead of two cups of sugar._

_Anakin?_

_Hmm?_

_Just get over here._

_

* * *

_

And so the saga continues... I will continue posting as often as I can, a process which is much hastened by all of your wonderful comments and whatnot. Thank you so much! I know I have said this a zillion times before, but you guys totally rock. Please, keep it up! Thanks! -Luna


	45. Boba the Fett

"Anakin!" Padmé exclaimed as her husband entered the Jedi Temple cafeteria. "What took you so long?"

"Writer's block," said Anakin. "I mean, traffic."

"Well, let's hurry up and get in line. I'm starving!"

"Sorry," Anakin apologized, "If my cooking experiment hadn't been such a total failure, we would be having a home-cooked meal right now instead of-" he glanced at the day's menu- "meatloaf."

"Aww, you're not a failure," Padmé reassured him. "Except for maybe that one time, when your mom got kidnapped by the Tusken Raiders and everything."

Anakin's eyes welled up at the painful memory. "Mommy…"

"What were you trying to cook, anyway?" Padmé inquired, hastily changing the subject to avoid the impending scene.

"Easy Mac," said Anakin. "Which is a very misleading name, by the way. 'Extremely Difficult Mac' is more like it. Or 'Do Not Attempt Unless You Are A Professional Chef Mac.'"

"Oh, Anakin," Padmé sighed.

"What? You know you think I'm adorable when I'm clueless."

"Luckily for you," she conceded, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

There was a moment of silence as Padmé realized that something was amiss. "Anakin," she said slowly, "where are the twins?"

"Twins?" he repeated blankly. "What twins? I don't know anything about any-"

"Anakin…" Padmé said threateningly.

"Just kidding!" Anakin hastily informed her. "They're with C-3PO."

"C-3PO?" Padmé exclaimed, clearly upset.

"Relax, he's an excellent baby-sitter," Anakin assured her. "I programmed him myself."

"Alright," she replied, not entirely at ease. "Speaking of C-3PO, you built him from scratch, right?"

"Yep," Anakin said proudly.

"So why'd you make him such an annoying little snot rag?"

The question caught Anakin off guard. "Well, I-"

"There you are!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, bursting into the cafeteria. "I've been looking everywhere for you guys. Anakin, I've been trying to communicate with you all morning."

"I know," Anakin replied, "I've been ignoring you all morning."

Obi-Wan did not force the issue; he had a more pressing matter on his mind. "I have something extremely important to show both of you."

"Now?" asked Padmé.

"I'm afraid so."

"Aww, I wanted some meatloaf," whined Anakin.

"Don't worry," Obi-Wan consoled him, "they'll probably be serving the leftovers for the next week or so. Will you please just come with me?"

Padmé sighed. "Oh, why not?"

* * *

They followed Obi-Wan to his quarters, demanding to know what was going on, but Obi-Wan's lips were sealed. When they arrived at his door, he finally spoke. 

"You guys seriously cannot tell anyone about this," he insisted. "I could totally get kicked out of the Jedi Order."

"Super-duper top secret," Anakin paraphrased. "Got it."

"Right," Obi-Wan confirmed. "Only don't say that ever again."

"Okey-dokey, smokey."

"Or that."

"Yessirree, Bob."

"Seriously, knock it off."

"Sorry."

The door opened to reveal a young boy sitting in a chair clutching a dirty, battle-scarred helmet.

"Old Ben!" the boy exclaimed upon seeing Obi-Wan. "You're back!"

"Would you please stop calling me that?" asked Obi-Wan. "For the last time, I'm not that old, and my name is not Ben. Okay?"

"Whatever you say, Old Ben," he replied happily.

Anakin and Padmé, meanwhile, simply stood in stunned silence. It was Padmé who found her voice first.

"Is that…"

"I'm Boba Fett," the boy introduced himself. "Old Ben is my dad."

* * *

"That's impossible!" Padmé exclaimed. 

She, Anakin, and Obi-Wan were currently occupying a secluded area of the Jedi Temple gardens that was typically reserved for secret lovers' trysts, having left Boba to play with his helmet in Obi-Wan's room.

"I know that!" said Obi-Wan. "I've got a hunch that this is Taun We's idea of revenge."

"'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,'" Padmé quoted.

"True," Anakin agreed.

Padmé looked at him curiously. "When have you ever scorned a woman?"

Anakin thought for a moment. "Good point," he conceded.

"Can we please stay on topic?" Obi-Wan suggested.

"Sorry," said Anakin. "So does that helmet belong to…?"

"Jango Fett, I'm assuming," Obi-Wan replied. "The kid won't let it out of his sight. Although I don't think Jango's head is still inside…"

"That's still kinda creepy," Anakin observed.

"What are you going to do with Boba?" inquired Padmé.

"I have no idea," Obi-Wan confessed. "I was kind of hoping you guys could help me out."

"Like, adopt him?" asked Anakin.

"No," Padmé said firmly. "No way. We have enough trouble keeping track of our own kids."

"True," admitted Obi-Wan. The three of them sat in silence for a moment.

"You guys, I have a brilliant idea!" Anakin exclaimed suddenly.

Obi-Wan and Padmé looked at him skeptically; Anakin's last brilliant idea had involved tuna and marshmallow pizza and a twelve pack of Gatorade.

"What's your brilliant idea?" Padmé prompted unenthusiastically.

"Boba can become a Jedi!"

Obi-Wan was impressed. "Wow, Anakin; that might actually work. There will have to be a Jedi Counsel meeting, of course…"

"Aww, man," Anakin whined, "I hate those things."

"…but that can wait until tomorrow," Obi-Wan finished. "The kid can sleep in my room for tonight, I suppose. Thanks for your help, guys."

"No problem," said Anakin. "Padmé, are you ready to go back to class?"

"Actually, I think I'm done playing Jedi for the day," Padmé replied. "Take me home, James."

"Um, my name isn't James," Anakin said in confusion.

"I know, I was just…" Padmé decided that it wasn't worth the effort to explain herself. "Never mind."

* * *

As Anakin and Padmé's speeder drew closer to their building, an ominous cloud of black smoke billowed into the sky. 

"Must be a fire or something," Anakin observed casually. "That sucks."

Once he realized where the smoke was coming from, however, a knot of dread began to form in his stomach as well as Padmé's.

"Anakin," Padmé wailed, "our apartment is on fire!"

* * *

I have come up with several excuses to explain my ridiculously long hiatus. They are listed below; you can pick the one you like best: 

a.) Global warming  
b.) Y2K  
c.) Alligators ate my computer, and I had to save up to buy a new one  
d.) Extreme writer's block

My deepest regrets and apologies for leaving you hanging like that; I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me and leave a review.

Love,  
Luna


	46. We Didn't Start the Fire, or Did We?

"My babies!" Padmé wailed, sobbing inconsolably at the thought of her precious children being burned alive inside the blazing building.

"My Transformers!" cried Anakin, experiencing a similar feeling of loss, but in relation to his extensive action figure collection rather than his offspring. "Oh good, here come the firefighting droids," he added in relief.

He and Padmé watched as the fire was quickly extinguished, leaving their once-luxurious penthouse suite nothing more than a charred shell.

* * *

"Extent of damage: total," Padmé reported, reading from the notice left by the firefighting squad on the blackened door of the apartment. "Items salvaged: none. Origin of fire: stove. But that doesn't make any sense, we never-" 

"Oopsie," Anakin interrupted sheepishly. "I guess I forgot to turn it off after I finished trying to cook."

"But you don't even need a stove for Easy Mac!"

This was news to Anakin. "You don't?"

"What do you think microwaves are for?"

"Ohhh…" said Anakin as comprehension dawned. Fortunately, he was saved from Padmé's wrath by the sound of a familiar metallic voice.

"Master Ani! Mistress Padmé!" called C-3PO, rushing toward them with, to Padmé's intense relief, a twin in each arm.

"Oh, thank the Force!" she sighed, snatching the infants from him. "Are they okay?"

"Perfectly fine," said C-3PO.

"Are you sure?" Anakin demanded.

"Yes, quite," C-3PO assured him. "And I'm fine, too, thanks for asking. Even though leaving that stove on was rather careless…"

Anakin glared. "Who are you calling careless, you worthless piece of-"

"Anakin, focus," Padmé interrupted, preventing him from turning the droid into a pile of scrap metal right then and there. "What are we going to do?"

"Stop cooking, for one thing," Anakin said reflectively. "I mean, burning down the house on the first attempt is a pretty clear sign, don't you think?"

"Well, yes," Padmé admitted. "But I meant what are we going to do about the fact that we are, you know, homeless and everything."

Anakin shrugged. "Beats me."

"Begging your pardon, Master Ani," C-3PO said timidly.

"Now what?" Anakin replied in irritation.

"Well, I took the liberty of speaking with the landlord while I waited for you to arrive," the droid explained, "and he said that you should be able to move back in by the end of the week."

"Fantastic," said Padmé. "But what are we supposed to do until then?"

* * *

"Pleeeeease?" Anakin begged. 

"Absolutely not," Obi-Wan said firmly, having just heard the story of Anakin's apartment fire fiasco and his resulting need for housing.

"But you let us do it last time," Anakin pointed out.

"Last time I didn't already have an extra roommate," Obi-Wan reminded him. "And also it was partially my fault you couldn't stay at your apartment," he admitted. "This time I had nothing to do with it, so I feel no sense of responsibility."

"So the fact that we have been friends for like ten years means nothing to you? What about all that Jedi stuff about compassion and all that crap?"

Obi-Wan hesitated. "Well…"

"It's just for a couple of days, I promise," Anakin added, sensing that his mentor was about to acquiesce.

"Oh, alright," Obi-Wan gave in.

"Yippee!" exclaimed Anakin, enveloping Obi-Wan in an enthusiastic hug. "Thanks, man."

"Don't mention it," Obi-Wan replied, struggling to release himself from Anakin's arms. "Just don't touch me anymore, okay?"

Anakin regained his composure. "Got it."

* * *

"This room is so not big enough for all of us," Padmé stated matter-of-factly, arriving at Obi-Wan's quarters and assessing the situation. 

"Dude, it totally is," Anakin assured her.

"I got an extra bed," Obi-Wan said, carrying a small mattress into the room and setting it on the floor.

"That thing is tiny!" Padmé observed. "Where did you get it?"

"Swiped it from Master Yoda," Obi-Wan said proudly.

"But won't he notice?" asked Anakin.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Possibly. But he'll probably just blame Mace; that's who usually steals his mattress."

Padmé was confused. "But why would Mace want… Never mind," she abandoned the question, deciding that it was probably best that she didn't know.

"So I figure the kid can sleep here," Obi-Wan explained, indicating the miniature mattress, "you two can share Anakin's bed, and the crib can go in the corner."

"But our crib got burned up in the fire," Padmé pointed out.

"I'll go get one from the nursery," Anakin volunteered.

He left and returned a short while later, crib in tow. "Here it is!" he said proudly.

Padmé examined the cradle to determine whether it was suitable. "Anakin, this crib has a baby in it!"

"Oops," he said. "I'll be right back."

He left again, returning with a second, empty crib. "How's this one?" he asked, slightly out of breath.

"Fine," said Padmé, gently placing the twins inside.

"Well, if you guys are settled I should probably try and track down Boba," said Obi-Wan, realizing that his charge was missing. "Anakin, you find Yoda and see if we can schedule a Jedi Council meeting for tomorrow."

Anakin groaned. "Do I have to?"

"I'll do it," said Padmé. "You stay here and watch the babies, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," Anakin agreed.

"And Anakin?"

"Hmm?"

"Try not to start any more fires."

* * *

Wow, that was fast... Thanks bunches to everyone who reviewed; I really appreciate your support. Keep 'em coming! 


End file.
